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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Giving a pregnant colleague this card...

44 replies

Twinkle2019 · 10/11/2018 20:22

A colleague is due soon (next couple of weeks) the people close to her didn’t bother to do her collection so I was told to do it. I purchased the gift and card and gave it to everyone to sign but apparently the card is inappropriate as it says congratulations on the arrival of your baby girl

A couple of colleagues have made a huge fuss and have said this is an inappropriate card and I should have got a good luck one!

AIBU to continue to give her this card as I really can’t see the issue?! I think their problem is that the baby is not yet born however we are giving the gift in advance so I’m not sure what the fuss is about

Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Jungster · 10/11/2018 20:24

Well, I wouldn't congratulate somebody on the safe arrival of their baby before the baby has been born.

Sirzy · 10/11/2018 20:25

I wouldn’t feel comfy giving a card like that until after baby is born

Wolfiefan · 10/11/2018 20:25

Completely inappropriate card. The baby isn’t here. I bloody hope for a safe arrival but some babies are stillborn.

PurpleDaisies · 10/11/2018 20:26

Odd choice. The baby hasn’t arrived yet.

Nicknacky · 10/11/2018 20:26

I wouldn’t give this type of card until the baby was here safe and sound. There is many many different cards with lovely sentiments instead.

Shocksandboooos · 10/11/2018 20:27

I would save it to post once baby arrives safely and just send a good luck or blank one as she goes on mat leave.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 10/11/2018 20:27

You can't give her that until the baby has arrived safely. You need a Leaving-to-have-a-baby card if you're giving it now.

FadedRed · 10/11/2018 20:27

No, don't give a co gratulations on your baby before the baby has arrived safely. Just not done. Change it for a good luck/best wishes type of card. Your colleagues are right on this point.

mysteryfairy · 10/11/2018 20:28

You totally can’t give that card. I immediately recall two occasions where a colleague has gone on maternity leave and had a stillborn baby at full term. Don’t give baby items or a card acknowledging the arrival of the baby until she is safely here. Vouchers, flowers, good luck card when she goes on leave.

LorelaiGilmore1 · 10/11/2018 20:28

I wouldn’t give a card like that until I knew of baby’s safe arrival. I’ve just gone on mat leave & got a ‘leaving to have a baby’ card. Can you not get something like this instead? Or alternatively a good luck card.

EmeraldVillage · 10/11/2018 20:29

It isn’t factually correct. She hasn’t had the baby yet. But also sadly not all babies come home, even when everything is expected to be fine. Change the card.

Isthereeveranexcuse · 10/11/2018 20:29

I wouldn’t give that until the baby is born. Sorry.

Rigamorph · 10/11/2018 20:30

Stillbirths are rare in the developed world but they do happen. I am too superstitious to buy a card until the baby is born (I only bought a Moses basket when I was 30 weeks pregnant but my first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage). Maybe keep the card and give it after you know all has gone well??

Caprisunorange · 10/11/2018 20:30

Well let’s face it, if the worst happens she’s not going to give a crap about the work card she received 2 weeks earlier, but cards are cheap so it’s easily replaced not sure why you wouldn’t? People won’t sign it if they think it’s inappropriate

DrWhy · 10/11/2018 20:30

Yep, afraid I wouldn’t have appreciated that. I had pregnancy complications that very few of my colleagues knew about towards the end, which meant an increased risk of stillbirth, it would have felt unlucky somehow. Fortunately I had the baby safely a couple of weeks early on my first day f Mat leave. The card after her safe arrival, lovely.

HellenaHandbasket · 10/11/2018 20:31

Baby hadn't arrived yet. Inappropriate or not, it is plain inaccurate.

Original poster
Twinkle2019 · 10/11/2018 20:31

Oh gosh thank god I’ve not given the card yet

I will change it to a good luck card.

OP posts:
Rigamorph · 10/11/2018 20:34

Also: some scans get it wrong. She might have a boy!!!

toastedbeagle · 10/11/2018 20:34

My husband gave a colleague a card Congratulations card when she announced she was pregnant. He felt awful when she miscarried a few weeks later. I think changing it to a good luck card is a good idea.

(And no he shouldn't have given her a card like that but he was in his 20s and was unaware of how many things can go wrong)

Violetroselily · 10/11/2018 20:34

I also wouldn't give it.

I also wouldn't want to give a "good luck" card...it feels a bit distasteful, like it's acknowledging that there may be negative outcomes which I'm sure isn't the message you're trying to convey

really it should be a "leaving to have a baby" card

Racecardriver · 10/11/2018 20:38

It’s cobdidered very bad luck in my family to give baby related stuff until there is actually a baby. Which is odd because we haven’t had any miscarriages/still births for generations but there you go. Clearly someone was traumatised enough by a still birth or marriage at some point that years later, we’ll after living memory, we still abstain from doing it.

Original poster
Twinkle2019 · 10/11/2018 20:42

Good point violet

I will look for a leaving to have a baby card!

OP posts:
mollibu · 10/11/2018 20:42

Card factory do maternity leave / 'you're leaving to have a baby' cards if that helps? Smile

mollibu · 10/11/2018 20:43

X-posted sorry! Blush

jimmyhill · 10/11/2018 20:44

Stillbirths are rare in the developed world but they do happen

Sadly they aren't. About 1 in 200 births in the UK happen this way.

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