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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Giving a pregnant colleague this card...

44 replies

Twinkle2019 · 10/11/2018 20:22

A colleague is due soon (next couple of weeks) the people close to her didn’t bother to do her collection so I was told to do it. I purchased the gift and card and gave it to everyone to sign but apparently the card is inappropriate as it says congratulations on the arrival of your baby girl

A couple of colleagues have made a huge fuss and have said this is an inappropriate card and I should have got a good luck one!

AIBU to continue to give her this card as I really can’t see the issue?! I think their problem is that the baby is not yet born however we are giving the gift in advance so I’m not sure what the fuss is about

Am I missing something?

OP posts:

ButchyRestingFace · 10/11/2018 20:49

Also: some scans get it wrong. She might have a boy!!!

That's what I initially thought the objections were about.

Original poster

Twinkle2019 · 10/11/2018 20:51

Thanks mollibu I will have a look in there

OP posts:

Armchairanarchist · 10/11/2018 20:53

Please change it. I know it's silly but my DM wouldn't let me bring a pram into the house before each birth. This would have tipped her over the edge.

Rachelover40 · 10/11/2018 20:54

Take the card back to shop and get another one. You don't congratulate someone on the birth of a baby before the baby has arrived.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 10/11/2018 20:55

If you're giving a gift before the baby has been born, give her something for her. Chocolates, cake, spa stuff, candle, scarf, blanket, whatever.

Only after the baby is born should you give something for the baby too.

WhyAmISoCold · 10/11/2018 20:59

It may be rare but I know 2 women who had still births and 1 who had a baby die very soon after birth. Glad you are changing the card OP (also scans are wrong, my sister was told incorrectly).

Original poster

Twinkle2019 · 10/11/2018 21:00

I am changing the card

Can’t believe I have been so stupid

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 10/11/2018 21:03

It doesn’t matter. You know now! Nothing awful happened.

HellenaHandbasket · 10/11/2018 21:23

You're not stupid at all no harm done!

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 10/11/2018 21:27

No way. I organised a department gift for a pregnant colleague and the card was just a blank one with a llama on it, the present was actually a load of “pampering stuff” like fancy shower gel, hand cream, face masks, chocolates, and a bunch of flowers. After the baby arrived we gave her a “new baby boy” card, a stuffed Jellicat bunny, and a little outfit.

Afternooninthepark · 10/11/2018 21:27

jimmy unfortunately you are wrong there. I thought the same until I worked in a maternity ward, one week we had 4 stillbirths, I was shocked to the core thought that only happened in Victorian times!
Op, just buy a nice card that is plain inside for everyone to sign.

Jungster · 10/11/2018 21:30

I was about to say that it cannot possibly be as high as 1 in 200 but in my home town I know of two women who had a still born baby.

Jungster · 10/11/2018 21:32

And that was within a 7 year period when my 'peers' were having babies.

AugustRose · 10/11/2018 22:03

The figure of 1 in 200 is correct, the UK has one of the highest rates of stillbirth in developed, high income countries. My son was one of the babies and I became much more aware of how common it is.

plaidlife · 10/11/2018 22:12

My dd came shockingly close to dying due birth, I am beyond lucky she is alive and unharmed. It is really not properly discussed how often things can and do go wrong in the UK.
Glad you are changing the card OP.

Graphista · 10/11/2018 23:05

Good you're changing the card, I'd have said the same as other pps it's just potentially could be seen as jinxing/awkward if anything were to go wrong.

I've sadly known 3 people have still births - and in every one of those cases there was no indication until that point that it was likely, one was due to a drunk driver. I've also had several friends experience late term mc's. They're sadly not as rare as we would hope.

I had a risky pregnancy but nobody at work but my boss knew (and I only told her as there was a risk of my collapsing and her needing to tell paramedics). Culminated in an emcs which saved both our lives and dd in scbu for first week and very poorly. Really worrying time.

I'd had 2 mc previously also so I would have ended up leaving such a card at work out of superstition - ridiculous maybe but it's how I would've felt. And I'm fairly certain my friends that have had pregnancies end in mc or still birth would feel the same.

On a lighter note - also true that scans can get the sex wrong - have known a few friends that's happened to.

I'm almost afraid to ask - what's the gift?

Arcadia · 10/11/2018 23:16

I got this one for my colleague ...

Giving a pregnant colleague this card...

andthelightshoneonandon · 10/11/2018 23:51

I totally assumed it was because it said the word girl and they wanted it to be gender neutral I spend waaaaaaaaay too long on Mumsnet

But yes OP, as PPs have said, the baby has not arrived yet so the card is an odd choice

cestlavielife · 10/11/2018 23:57

There are lots of specific "leaving to have a baby" cards.
The congrats on your baby card you give when baby has been born

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