Does the host pay the bill?

[HyggeMe]

I’m organising a Sunday lunch in a nice pub for my husbands birthday in a few weeks.

I’ve invited up to 30 family and friends, my husband isn’t aware of it as it’s going to be a bit of a surprise.

My feeling is as the host and organiser I should pay for the meal bill but everyone can get their own drinks (some drink alcohol, some don’t and there will be a few under 18’s also so they will have soft drinks).

But when I’ve mentioned this to some of the guests they’ve all been horrified and said they’d pay for their own meal AND drinks and I shouldn’t be paying at all for everyone else (just for my family bill.)

So what is the correct thing to do as the host? Is everyone just being polite saying they want to pay?

I want to prepay a chunk of money so no one is arguing over the bill when it arrives and they can go to the bar and pay for their own drinks etc

I paid for 18 family and friends (food and drink) for a big birthday a couple of years ago.
The restaurant emailed me the menu and we had ri choose our dishes beforehand in order that we could all eat /meals beready at the same time.
As an aside as I was paying for it all people did not go mad with the booze I think they were all appreciative of the fact that I paid.
I think if you invite you pay, its a little different from saying lets all go out to such and such a place for dinner.
You issue an invitation, you pay.

If I invite, I expect to pay for all if it's an 'occasion' meal (birthday, anniversary, etc), so I expect that the host would be paying if I'm invited by them. But I'm not insulted if they want me to pay for my own meal as long as they give the head's up beforehand.

I would never expect to be paid for, and could never in a million years afford to pay for others (wish I could!). It’s lovely you want to, but I really don’t think it’s expected. Why not pay for the drinks?

I would expect to pay my own way. If the host at the end of the meal wanted to pay then I would find it a lovely gesture. Definitely not expected tho.
I have pretty much always paid for my own meal so unless you can afford it without making sacrifices then don’t worry about people paying for their own.
Hope you have a lovely meal whatever you decide xx

For my DF's 60th some years ago my DM paid for all the guest's 3 course meals ( 20ish people) she also paid for 12 bottles of wine, any other drinks guests bought their own. She figured that if she had organised a large party the hire of venue plus buffet would have cost much the same. I think some people offered to pay , but she declined their offer.

In my family and friendship groups you always pay your own way! I've only ever known my in-laws to pay for us occasionally when we go out. I've been invited out for meals and invited others to join me but never have I expected anything other than each person/family group to pay their own way.

If people are free to come and go and are choosing their own meals and drinks I think they would expect to pay.Its just meeting up the give your DH a surprise lunch.
If you lay on something or organise the menu then I'd expect the host to pay - it's more their party if that makes sense.

It's supposed to be indicated in the wording of the invitation.

If you say "I'm holding a lunch to celebrate my 90th birthday, would you like to come as my guest?" it's obvious that you intend to pay.

If you say "some friends are having lunch at spoonies on my birthday, would you like to meet us there?" it's supposed to indicate it's a pay for yourself thing. There may be a better form of words, I can't think of it.

If I invited friends/family to an ‘occasion’ then I would assume I was paying, if you have a party at home to celebrate a birthday then you would obviously pay for the food & drink surely? My DF always invites us to a celebration birthday lunch each year & he always pays, I think he would be offended if we offered. But he is 85 & trying to ‘off load’ cash . If it is a more casual get together then fair enough if everyone pays their own bill, but then you have to assume they can afford to eat out, which not everyone can.

There isn’t a right or wrong. Different families and friends do things differently....‍🤷🏻‍♀️

I would always expect to pay if invited out to a pub/restaurant. It’s entirely different than someone’s home. I wouldn’t know which to expect at a private venue, but I’d be happy either way.

There’s no NEED for you to pay at all.

Gosh I've never ever heard of this! I can't believe there are actually people who would pay for 30 odd people for a roast! I mean there obviously are people who would because mumsnetters are people! But wow that's so expensive, I could never afford it! With all my friends and family circles, we'd pay our own meals!

On lots of occasions that I've attended we've paid for our own meal and all paid for the birthday boy/girl. However the op has said she is happy to pay and if she can, why not? It's nice to be able to but it is a choice.

I’d pay for bottles of wine or champagne to be put on the table and then let them split food bill. I’d also bring a cake.