Does the host pay the bill?

[HyggeMe]

I’m organising a Sunday lunch in a nice pub for my husbands birthday in a few weeks.

I’ve invited up to 30 family and friends, my husband isn’t aware of it as it’s going to be a bit of a surprise.

My feeling is as the host and organiser I should pay for the meal bill but everyone can get their own drinks (some drink alcohol, some don’t and there will be a few under 18’s also so they will have soft drinks).

But when I’ve mentioned this to some of the guests they’ve all been horrified and said they’d pay for their own meal AND drinks and I shouldn’t be paying at all for everyone else (just for my family bill.)

So what is the correct thing to do as the host? Is everyone just being polite saying they want to pay?

I want to prepay a chunk of money so no one is arguing over the bill when it arrives and they can go to the bar and pay for their own drinks etc

Heh, at a family do recently, the birthday girl's father paid for the food, her mother paid for the arrival cocktail, her uncle paid for the champagne and we all had to pay for the drinks someone else had chosen, which I had to stump up £70 for. I was not happy having travelled, bought a dress, paid for a hotel, bought a present and spent £60 on two rounds of drinks afterwards.

I think either the host pays, or they choose some where quite well priced and make it clear it's an invite to share the occasion not an invite to dinner as such.

On the other hand, like a pp, my parents always pay for everything, we're going to see my dad's cousins soon and I said we'd all go out to dinner and he said no, we can't invite all of them, I'm not paying for them all (I think there are five, plus spouses). I was like, um, well they just each pay for themselves, surely? And they don't have to come if they don't want to.

There's no right answer. But whatever you do, be clear!

In my family, if we invited others out for a meal then we would pay and probably be expected to!

However amongst my friends it seems to be the norm that we go out and pay for ourselves. In most situations, other then my family, if I go out for a meal for someone’s birthday then we pay for ourselves, more often splitting the bill rather than paying for what we have...

I'd expect to pay for my own meal, I also think I'd happily accept if you wanted to pay (providing I knew it was affordable for you)

I did something similar for my husband. Everyone paid for their own food but I did pay for a few bottles of wine and fizz to be placed on the table. I also got a cake which the restaurant brought out at the right time. In addition I had some small items for the children in the group...colouring, comics small toys etc to stave of boredom!

I just arranged my own birthday meal and everyone paid for themselves. I've never been to a meal of that size and had the host pay and would never expect to. That would completely rule out me and my friends having celebration meals out if that was expected.

I'm really surprised people are agreeing that the OP should pay!

I've just had a big birthday. Twenty of us went out to lunch - everyone paid for their own food, I provided a dozen bottles of wine, anyone who wanted spirits bought their own. My kids had arranged a fantastic cake - it was great..!

I'd expect to pay for myself.

Why not offer to buy the puddings and put some wine on the tables instead?

I'd never assume someone else was paying unless explicitly stated. I always expect to pay for myself (and am happy to do so!)

All the dinner parties I've been to at a restaurant everyone paid for their own meal. The buffet sounded good though.

I think theres a lot of people on here who are not from the U.K, and in their countries its tradition for the host to pay.
Its not here, I've never heard of it, everyone pays for themselves.
Also I wouldn't suggest a buffet as I've never been to a decent one yet, its all crappy vol au vents and soggy quiches done on the cheap.

Having said that, if I was given the choice of a family meal (30x£20ish) or a weekend break I know which one I’d pick

I think it depends on what the host wants but as long as everyone knows in advance if they need to pay then it's fine (then there's no embarrassment if they hadn't expected)

For example my (rich) relative organised a meal for his husbands 40th, (11 people) he insisted on paying for everything.

I organised a meal for my mums 50th (about 15 people) i could never have afforded to pay for it but I let everyone know in advance when I invited them what the menu was (set menu) and how much it would be for the food so they knew before deciding to come.

On both occasions it was mostly the same people who came. everyone was happy, everyone had a great time both times and no one decided not to come

I would expect to pay my own way.

Either way is acceptable - but it is polite to let guests know if they are expected to pay. We generally pay, but for work related celebrations people have paid for their food and we've bought a round of drinks

I would expect you to pay. This is the correct thing to do.

I wouldn't dream of inviting guests to a meal if we weren't providing it. If you were having a party and providing a buffet for example, you wouldn't ask guests to pay for that?

In my circle we would pay for our own meals - the host maybe buying the drinks.

To be honest I would rather pay and be able to have what I would prefer from the menu rather than a set meal with only two or three options.

Not that I'd begrudge any free meal of course, and you sound like a lovely host, it would just be my preference.

You sound very nice and so do your friends! If you can afford to pay for everyone, except for drinks, do so. There's no 'general rule' about that sort of thing apart from the birthday boy not having to pay.

Hope you have a lovely celebration.

All I want is to know what the deal is first.

My in laws reckon if we suggest a meal out we are paying, so we need to make it clear before hand if we are paying or not.

By knowing before we can A. Decide whether to go or not and B. Budget accordingly.

No, we do big family meals once/twice a year and we always pay our own way per sub family.

I would expect to pay for myself, I would be surprised to have the host to pay for everybody at a restaurant - and I would query it, thinking I might have misunderstood.

There are so many variations of this that I don't think there is a "normal". I think it mainly depends on your personal circumstances and, to a lesser extent, those of your guests.
As someone who has been to both, I like to know in advance as it can impact on whether I go or not, what I order and how much I spend on a gift.

I would expect to pay. Maybe you could buy some table for the wine?

Well I've had a look at the Sunday lunch menu and there are 4 choices of meat roasts (the usual suspects) with the sides & it's £15 and one veggie choice at the same price and kids roasts at £8 each.

So if everyone would like a roast it's affordable.

I've invited 30 (but so far only 21 have confirmed) and there are about 5 children included in that.

There is another menu of normal pub food on offer too for anyone who doesn't want the roast dinner but I did say it would be a 'Sunday lunch' so hopefully they stick to the Sunday set menu.

I would expect to pay for myself, but when the host has covered something it’s been the first drink for everyone, a bottle of red and white wine on each table, sharing plates of starter type food and/or desserts in case that gives you any ideas.

Why not put money behind the bar for drinks instead? Or wine for the table? Roasts for 30 people could be anything from £450-£800!