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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Babies First Birthday

74 replies

Feb2018mumma · 10/11/2018 10:40

Since a previous post where the consensus was that my babies first birthday should be for family and grandparents rather than the babies we know I wanted some more input.

In both baby groups I go to they are planning on having parties for the babies, overpriced soft play and baby rooms. One woman went as far to say I shouldn't have a party at all if it isn't focused fully on the baby.

I slightly get her point because it is his birthday, but he is one!

I thought we could go revolution with our 20 close family members, have some nice food and drinks so they can celebrate his birthday with us. I have been there a few times with baby and he crawls around, the staff love him, planning to rent the restaurant area so he can waddle about happily, he will be one of three babies with 20 of his favourite adults, balloons, he gets food which he loves, cuddles from family and new toys. This will cost about £180?

What do you think? Yes he would prefer a sensory room but then I am paying £15 a person, minimum of 10 babies a party, for babies I see once a week and that my baby wouldn't recognise in a crowd? Then I would probably have to have a family party anyway becuase they would want to celebrate with him.

I will have been back at work 2 months so the £180 is okay with me but husband says we could go away with that money and do something the baby would like more e.g. Legoland or sealife. But once again all family would still want to celebrate at one point?

What is everyone's opinion, is the first birthday for family or mum and dad or the baby? If I'm wrong I don't mind as Legoland would be more fun that paying for our families food!

OP posts:

Floatyboat · 11/11/2018 19:38

Revolution as in Vodka Revolution? YABU

Angle1234 · 11/11/2018 19:44

Personally I didn't an all out party for my childs 1st they wound not understand or remember but then I don't do big party's ,, I did a morrisons shop and invited about 15 people for food , did the same for my 2nd child,, too, it's about what u want not other think you should you only get to be one once, x wherever you are take photos as a reminder x have a great time x

TeddyIsaHe · 11/11/2018 19:44

Op I’ve got a tiny house (2 bed terrace) and had a buffet with 16 people for dd’s first birthday. So it can be done! Just shove everything out of the way, make sure there’s chairs placed around and enjoy yourselves. Why go to all the stress and hassle for what is essentially just another day? How much brain power have you wasted on thinking about this?!

Shoobydooby09 · 11/11/2018 19:55

Uo to now we've always done tea parties at home. Open house throughout the day, means not necessarily everyone was there at once and guests could come and go as they please. We've always had a fab time. My eldest has never wanted his own party at a soft play this year he had 6 friends from nursery for a few hours and we had family and friends round later. I did a buffet for the kids and some extra for later, I had 3 slow cookers full of curry and hotpot etc that took care of themselves not a lot of cooking required !! Lots of snacks to go round it was fab ! Do what's best for you.

Tiredofitalltoday122 · 11/11/2018 20:23

I just had grandparents round for DD's first. Mostly because I'd learned from the bad experiences of the parents of the slightly older babies in DD's baby classes - several of them went to the trouble of arranging a big party only for it to get cancelled at the last moment due to illness. Cold and flu season + lots of babies who had just started nursery = social calendar totally fucked.

Totopoly · 11/11/2018 21:58

No right or wrong answer. For first b'days, I just had the grandparents for lunch. It was for their benefit, not that of the one-year-olds, who went off for their afternoon nap as normal...

anniehm · 11/11/2018 22:17

Do whatever you want! We threw a big party, invited our friends and quite frankly dd didn't enjoy it but we did! Babies of one year do not have friends of their own, they associate with the people you sit them near!

Don't spend more than you can afford, just make sure you are doing whatever you decide for the right reasons and ignore other people's opinions

Canaryyellow1 · 12/11/2018 11:24

We didn’t have a christening and not religious, so the first birthday party was a bit of a welcome to the world instead. I made the cake, and just did fancy sandwiches (if you cut them small anything is fancy!) and made a few dips using yogurt and cucumber etc.

Cost about £50 if that.

No balloons, no fancy decorations. Just a plain table cloth and everyone around. I didn’t care about chairs people can just milk around and sit on sofas.

So do it if you want to celebrate the baby and get all the family together.

Don’t do it if that’s not wanted or needed.

Jamiefraserskilt · 12/11/2018 12:03

Forget other parents and their choices. You will have enough of that nonsense in years to come. If no one in the family has enough room to accommodate then pick somewhere where your child can safely crawl around and you can get fed. At 1, your child will have no memory of this but the adults will.
As you move forwards remember this is about joy and simplicity. The number of parties we attended with magicians and entertainers where the kids were not in the least bit interested was huge. Balloons, boxes, play dough, bouncy castle and bubbles is what delights youngsters (pre school) not expensive play zones.

Fishcakey · 12/11/2018 12:06

The party is for you, baby won't give a toss or even know it's his birthday so do whatever you want. Family can bugger off if it doesn't suit you. It isn't their birthdays!

mastertomsmum · 12/11/2018 14:39

It's a brilliant time to get family, friends, new friends with their babies etc together. First Birthday rocks for that.

The time I felt was no use for a party was 2 and 3 yrs of age. Small get together, yes but visit to playbarn or actual kids party that ends in loads of toddler tears, nope.

4 is about right to start parties

StaySafe · 12/11/2018 15:06

With DS1 (many years ago) we just had two of the little one's whose mothers had been at NCT classes with me and, as he had a nanny, two of her friends and their charges. 4 one year olds, 4 adults plus us and we had a lovely tea and the little ones seemed to enjoy it. DS1 took the opportunity of an audience to take his first step that day - for DH as he arrived home at the end of the party.

Givemeyourbunsandyourbiscuits · 12/11/2018 15:49

We just had grandparents round for a piece of cake. The baby has no idea it's their birthday

nannybeach · 12/11/2018 16:56

A year old baby would happily play with a cardboard box, they arent going to like sealife or legoland more, it means nothing to them, have a party for your friends relatives by all means.

00100001 · 12/11/2018 17:16

gladstone "Do people really only buy one present for their child’s birthday?

Why so shocked that we only get our son one present each year? He does get cake and a meal (which all costs money!) as well as presents from GPs, Aunts, Uncles, Great Aunt, Cousins and his mates.

We just buy him one present, because that's what we've always done. It's never anything "huge" because we don't like to encourage that. So As mentioned,this year it will be a wok (£15-20), Steakhouse meal (request has been put in this morning, so around £50(+) for 3 of us) and a cake (DH will spend around £3-5 on ingredients) - so could easily be around £75 spent on his birthday!

RedSkyLastNight · 12/11/2018 17:25

Do people really only buy one present for their child’s birthday

We didn't buy DS anything for his first birthday. It's not as though he had any concept of what a birthday present was.

Willow1992 · 12/11/2018 19:02

We had a low key kind of day with me, DP and DS doing nice things together - DS had a few presents which we opened in the morning, we went to a cafe, went to the park, came home and had cake.

I wanted him to have a nice day, but was aware that he wouldn't remember it and would get easily over stimulated. I felt like it was a nice balance.

DailyMailFail101 · 12/11/2018 20:44

A one year old wouldn’t enjoy Legoland 🤣 A family party sounds good to me, what kind of party you choose is up to you, personally I think a little tea party at home with family sufficient.

Allgoodnamesaregone · 12/11/2018 21:23

When my oldest children were young the 1st party we a gathering in our house, mainly adults. Little buffet, playing with baby & new toys. That house was big compared to where I live now, & those children are now adults with their own kids...so when Dd10 was 1 I had to hire somewhere as it was the end of October so the garden couldn't be relied on. I have 10 grandchildren & nieces & friends children were there too...there was a buffet & a bouncy castle plus soft play & pass the parcel. She doesn't remember it but loves seeing the pics. On her actual birthday her dad & I took her to the Sea life centre and then grandparents came for tea.

cakedup · 12/11/2018 21:55

I cringe when I think about DS' 1st birthday. I became pfb birthday-zilla.

I hired a hall and some soft play (even though I could not afford it). I worked myself up into a frenzy over the arrangements, spent all night HAND MAKING personalised decorations which I then bossed friends and family into putting it up and got narky when they weren't up 'correctly'. I was beside myself when ds had a nap and did not wake up in time to be on time for his own birthday party (and I obviously couldn't just wake him up because he was my pfb). I got the hump because when it came time to sing Happy Birthday SOMEONE ELSE started leading the song before me. I didn't particularly enjoy it and DS could have been anywhere really because he was a baby. I'm only glad DS doesn't actually remember it.

13 years later and it still makes me cringe. What was I on.

Don't regret the day like I do.

nosleepforme · 12/11/2018 23:26

Was thinking about DD 1st bday coming up. No one wants to take part in any celebration as they think it's a waste of time for a kid who won't understand. She's very sociable and loves being around people, especially the people she knows, she really acknowledges and understands when the people she loves are around. I think it was a selfish reaction. As a mum I want to do this for her, but so far it's only me and hubby and an old neighbor I've kept in touch with, who want to be there
So op, do what you want, what you think your baby will enjoy. Yes they might not get it at this age, but they'll forever have the photos and videos to look back on and see how much you loved them, no matter of their understanding.
I would be broken hearted if in years to come my DD asked to see her first birthday and there was nothing to show. I believe as mums, we don't do for the now, we build for always - it's an important milestone to celebrate for yourself now and an important time to show your kids in the future that you celebrate with them always!

paxillin · 13/11/2018 13:07

Baby is 1. He won't remember. Take a picture of him and the cake with 1 candle, the rest is for the parents. Few under-3s have meaningful friendships, so he won't miss out on having his peers there. Your shifts at the balloon pump and the bouncy castle start on his 4th birthday or thereabout.

Craft1905 · 13/11/2018 13:10

Baby's first birthday, not babies.

GrandmaOHara · 13/11/2018 13:16

YABU to say “go revolution”. Why do people do this these days? “Go Sainsbury’s”, “Go Nando’s”, “Go cinema,”..... what happened to the word “to”? It’s only a tiny little word, it’s not hard to say or type!

Sorry OP but I see it everywhere and it makes me

Aaaaanyway, whatever you choose to do, hope you and your baby and family have a great time!

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