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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babies First Birthday

74 replies

Feb2018mumma · 10/11/2018 10:40

Since a previous post where the consensus was that my babies first birthday should be for family and grandparents rather than the babies we know I wanted some more input.

In both baby groups I go to they are planning on having parties for the babies, overpriced soft play and baby rooms. One woman went as far to say I shouldn't have a party at all if it isn't focused fully on the baby.

I slightly get her point because it is his birthday, but he is one!

I thought we could go revolution with our 20 close family members, have some nice food and drinks so they can celebrate his birthday with us. I have been there a few times with baby and he crawls around, the staff love him, planning to rent the restaurant area so he can waddle about happily, he will be one of three babies with 20 of his favourite adults, balloons, he gets food which he loves, cuddles from family and new toys. This will cost about £180?

What do you think? Yes he would prefer a sensory room but then I am paying £15 a person, minimum of 10 babies a party, for babies I see once a week and that my baby wouldn't recognise in a crowd? Then I would probably have to have a family party anyway becuase they would want to celebrate with him.

I will have been back at work 2 months so the £180 is okay with me but husband says we could go away with that money and do something the baby would like more e.g. Legoland or sealife. But once again all family would still want to celebrate at one point?

What is everyone's opinion, is the first birthday for family or mum and dad or the baby? If I'm wrong I don't mind as Legoland would be more fun that paying for our families food!

OP posts:
Scottishgirl85 · 10/11/2018 18:36

We did a family gathering at home with about 20 people and put on a buffet. It was lovely and a nice opportunity for family to get together. I wouldn't spend a lot, you have a lifetime of children's parties ahead of you!

RedSkyLastNight · 10/11/2018 18:51

Your partner doesn't want to spend the money on a party which your baby won't remember (perfectly reasonably).
You want to celebrate with a large number of family members but have a small house.

Is everyone local(ish)? If so, just have open house all day provide some basic nibbles and cake and make sure everyone arrives in shifts.

bonbonours · 10/11/2018 18:52

We had a small get together with baby group friends in the garden. Doing the same in a park or beach is another option though winter birthdays are trickier. Then we had cake and presents with grandparents at another time.

While it's true the child won't remember it, my kids aged 8,10 and 12 love to look back at photos from when they were young including all their previous parties and cakes. Especially fun if you stay in touch with your baby group til they are in secondary school like we have!

bonbonours · 10/11/2018 18:54

A friend had a very big expensive party for her 1 year old with loads of adult guests without kids, and fancy catering. Was very odd as didn't seem to be for the baby at all. In subsequent years they did something much more normal!

00100001 · 10/11/2018 19:20

1st birthday - DH and I had Krispy Kreme drive though, and DS had some to try.

2nd birthday - we had lemon drizzle cake at dinner, just me, DH and DS.

3rd birthday - we had a cake at lunch with candle to blow out (upgrade!)

4th birthday -we went round to Nannas and had a cake and he finally got a birthday present from us just after his breakfast. He got a super fluffy, dinosaur dressing gown (Which he wore all day, and at every given opportunity Grin)

5th-12th birthday - got his present in the morning. I only remember a few. His 7th birthday, he got a Dr Who colouring book and matching felt pens. His 9th he got a scooter. 12th he got a pen set for inking his sketches.
Then in the evening, eat the birthday boys chosen dinner (choice made around a week before), had a cake after - usually DH made them, sometimes he got a caterpillar cake.
For dinner, he would generally would pick pepperoni pizza or a plate of only chicken nuggets. However, once, he picked 'Christmas Dinner' :/

13th birthday - got his present in the morning (requested Discworld novel) then he made his own cupcakes and we had GPs round to eat them - and then the choice of dinner was Nando's.

14th birthday - got his present in the morning. cake was made by DH, and that was dinner....
15th...to come... he has asked for a wok... odd boy ;)

Original poster
Feb2018mumma · 10/11/2018 19:24

Since posting and reading some messages we have decided to go to a zoo just us. I realised that although it was good in theory my mum and dad can't be in same room happily and my grandparents don't like my dad and step mum, easier to just have it just us and spend the money on a zoo day and fun for our little family! Although was nice idea to share day with all family just isn't practical in our small house! Husband was right but I was sleep deprived and couldn't see I was wrong Blush

OP posts:
raviolidreaming · 10/11/2018 19:52

we have decided to go to a zoo just us

You absolutely won't regret spending the day just the 3 of you, with no pressure and being able to enjoy your memories of the first year by yourselves - particularly as you'll be back at work and spare time is more precious. Have a wonderful day Smile

April2020mom · 10/11/2018 20:36

You will not regret it. Hopefully you’ll have a good time at the zoo. My two children are turning 2 in a few days time. Again I’m serving cake but things will be different this year. Instead of holding a party in a church hall we have decided to have a party at night with family and friends in a pub.

Barnyboy03 · 10/11/2018 21:06

A one year old child would have no idea or recollection so why call it a child's 1st birthday party as it's not the child who enjoys it...Call it something else if you feel the need to splash out on a party for "YOUR" friends and family when your baby reaches 1 baby would probably rather be asleep anyway. :-)

TheLette · 10/11/2018 21:28

In case this idea helps anyone - we did a family only party at home (but big family so about 20 people) and then our NCT group did a party for all the babies together in a community hall - cost £80 to hire for the afternoon, loads of space for the babies to play, we all brought toys, games and something to eat, and we jointly hired a photographer. Felt like the best of both worlds.

OKhitmewithit · 10/11/2018 21:36

I didn’t do much for my son and daughter’s first birthday

We had a small party in a hall. I invited fifteen friends and family members. There was cake and a chance to have your photo taken with the birthday boy and girl. We also played two or three games. To reduce costs I designed the invitations and baked the cake with some help from my partner. It was lovely

Small party in a hall Grin You’re either so unaware it’s an educational issue, or a twat

kateandme · 11/11/2018 02:20

i think it lovely to have a birthday.people saying they wont remember it that is true so no need to put on a show.but they will remember in the future when they see piccies.or are told about their life.ive love looking through old albums of us at our little parties.
but they were smallish affairs.so just family and friends in the garden for a tea party or something like that.
and I think its ok at this age too for mum and dad to invite people for them too.its not about the baby and what they will remember but mum and dad too being able to celebrate their little ones life.so everyones coming to celebrate them and the joy of having them in their lives.whats wrong with that.
but please never do what you think you have to because of other mums or families judgements.this is ur child.ur party.your families day.
you could hire a restaurant room.have a garden party,climb a mountain or do a skydive.if this is how you choose to celebrate having ur baby in ur life then good on you.

kateandme · 11/11/2018 02:29

I love the fact too that for us from the first little party for just us and possibly small group it carried on. and id love to do something like that for my kids.
so we had little party foods.you know the stuff.open ham sandwhiches.cadburys fingers.ajmmie dogers party rings.crispy cake.birthday cake.little sauasages.yada yada. it was either just us or a few others that we wanted to be there.
and this carried on.we were still comin to mum into adulthood saying " we are having party tea tonight."and yes we did.right until we all moved out of home.and even when we got to the point where we had poroper mates parties.we still had our "party tea" at home with just us.and I love looking now at the photos of the party tea through the ages.

Beeziekn33ze · 11/11/2018 02:41

Enjoy the zoo! I'm sure you all will!
I did wonder how all the GPS etc would get on together in one room! I think they'd all have to be saints to have no negative thoughts.
Build a Bear went down very well for DGD's 4th birthday but is quite expensive.

Nicecupofcoco · 11/11/2018 06:39

It's our Lo first birthday next week, and we're not doing a party, as we thought it's alot of money to spend whilst he's so young.
I've invited close family over for piece of birthday cake with us in the morning, maybe see Lo open afew prezzies. In the afternoon we're going to take Lo to the sealife centre, just the three of us, we have buy one get one free on tickets, so it's not going to cost too much.
You do what you feel is right, and what you think Lo would enjoy and don't bother what every body else is planning! Enjoy! Smile

Sweetooth92 · 11/11/2018 06:44

I’m doing the party thing for my sons first birthday in January, we’ve hired a cheap hall, a bouncy castle & soft play and music for the kids. Will decorate & have ordered a cake from the same place who made our wedding cake. The bar will be open and we will cater. Some will consider it OTT. But he’s my son and it’s his first birthday. All our friends have under 5’s & we always struggle to catch up outside of weddings/parties/christenings. It’s definitely more of an excuse for us all to catch up while the kids run wild. It’s at a time to suit my son & he adores an audience and loves people. Couldn’t care less if we end up spending hundreds & he doesn’t remember. We’ve survived the first year and he’s thriving. Do whatever works for you & what you want. Not anyone else

Bambamber · 11/11/2018 06:57

My daughter, husband and I all just went for a day out for my daughter's first birthday, was perfect for us.

kenandbarbie · 11/11/2018 07:02

I think first birthday is for family. Also at one, the people a baby cares about are his family, not random babies from baby group.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 11/11/2018 07:18

We’ve just had the twins first birthday. Got a cake made, sorted some party food and family and friends came round. Iv never rented a hall or anything for any of their 1st birthdays

Original poster
Feb2018mumma · 11/11/2018 09:01

@kateandme that would be my dream! My little bub coming home from college saying he wanted a birthday buffet tea (I can already see him wanting to go out with his friends though) Cake and thank you everyone for putting my mind at ease. I think becuase MIL and Mum have been asking so much already what's happening and in a previous post the consensus was first birthday is about parents and grandparents I had blinkers on! I think if I had one set would be easier too but 7 grandparents is so many to make it work! Will much rather look forward to zoo as he loves animals compared to a party which would cost double and be less fun!

OP posts:
kateandme · 11/11/2018 11:26

feb2018mumma there can be that dream.im sure there were moments for us (certainly my sister) where birthday tea was NOT cool.but you come back to it.always. and you will make your own tradition like this or different but each special.ones that they will always want to come back to.ones you treasure.and they will come from no planning or force from others wishes.who knows you could be going to the zoo each year!
you come first.

gladstonefive · 11/11/2018 17:34

Do people really only buy one present for their child’s birthday? Shock

KeysHairbandNotepad · 11/11/2018 17:38

We bought our son one bigish toy for his 1st birthday , we popped some money in his savings account too.

RedSkyLastNight · 11/11/2018 19:26

Do people really only buy one present for their child’s birthday?

We didn't buy anything for DS's first birthday.
It wasn't like he had a clue what it was all about ...

ZackPizzazz · 11/11/2018 19:35

We had one set of the grandparents. And a cake shaped like a duck. No presents. No regrets.

Save actual parties for when the child is old enough to discuss it, you'll have enough years of forking out for halls and soft plays.