To think weddings are the worst!!!

[MeteorMedow]

I’m getting married next year and we can no longer elope as planned (it’s a long story but it’s not what DP wants). We also don’t have the type of family/friends that make a DIY wedding possible so no cutting costs there.

We found a nice country house and are planning an event but it’s so expensive it makes me sick. 🤔 It’s not that I expected it to be cheap it’s just feeling like 4 event for 6 prices!

Providers just adding a 0 and making up numbers on the spot and being real CF’s about it! We’ve caught a couple out already, advertising their services for much less online than they were quoting us.

I don’t understand how they’re allowed to do it or how venues can charge a premium to hire and then stick you with exclusive providers who are also charge a premium at the venue! (Probably because they’re paying the venue to be their exclusive provider)

Atm it’s going to be around £20K, DP and I earn six figures (just) and ‘should’ be able to afford it but I’m feeling increasingly uncomfortable about it.

I totally get the whole ‘Weddings don’t have to be expensive just make it perfect for you’ but what TF do you do if your taste is unfortunately ‘country house’? (🤔 more DP than me if you can believe it).

I just want to run away the two of us or go to the registry office but that’s not what DP wants and the wedding we’re planning is lovely just crazy expensive. Am I the only person feeling like this?

Save the dates have already gone out so it’s too late to back out now.

How are you spending the 20K?

I'm sure you could cut costs.

Starting at the spreadsheet and trying to figure out how is becoming my number 1 hobby. About 60% is venue and catering (unavoidable and already at a ‘discount’ 🤔)

We only have 50 day guests which isn’t small but isn’t huge either

It’s really not too late to change venue if you feel you’re being ripped off. Just find somewhere else, and then contact all your guests telling them the new date. Not difficult.

So, if that's unmoveable, look at what else you can cut down on:
High street dress / shoes
No bridesmaids or ushers
do your own makeup and hair
no table decorations
no favours
no band.

Have an 'elope' style wedding.

I had a similar problem with my wedding, we had just about signed on the dotted line for a lovely elopement with key family and friends (costing us £7k - we wanted to cover their travel too) when he decided he couldn't do it. Then insisted on a big wedding in the UK, in an old barn (it was lovely) which wasn't cheap although I got a large discount. The venue and food did make up most of the budget (just shy of £10k) for 80 day guests and then another 30 evening guests. I cut costs in every other area to reduce the over all cost, by simply not mentioning wedding you can really drop the prices of things. The cake, hair dresser etc were easy enough but the photographers really have you over a bit of a barrel as you want decent photos for memories. If you're lucky enough hire some students and see if any family are handy around a camera. I also made my own flower bouquets for a fraction of the cost, same went for all the decorations we had. Managed it all for around £13k if you include my dress and the transport costs.
Good luck and try not to over spend too much, set yourself a happy budget and look what you must have vs what you just want. And be cheeky with suppliers and friends who can help

Weddings are expensive, but it's (hopefully) something you'll do once in a lifetime. We spent a fortune on ours, but the day itself meant so much to us and to both our (fairly traditional) families, who happily travelled from around the world to attend. It's 5 years on now, and whilst I know how much we spent (ouch), I don't remember the money part when I think back, only the amazing memories of the day.

However... £20k for 50 day guests seems very expensive - unless you're in Mayfair - and it's likely to creep up and up as time goes on. I'd consider looking elsewhere venue wise if you're not 100% satisfied with what they offer.

I think all the similar venues around here are equally terrible value.

We already have no bridesmaids, no hair and make-up and dress was a gift. Not really comfortable removing a band or a few table flowers as want it to be a pleasant day for guests. Otherwise we’re paying for a lovely venue just to do a crappy job of it!

£20k for 50 guests?

You’re doing something wrong.

I’m old, and have been to lots of weddings (and had one of my own).

Guests don’t care about a lot of the frippery you think you need to add. All they care about is sharing the ceremony, not being hungry or thirsty, not having to spend 20 quid on 2 gin and tonics, and not having to wait around for 3 hours whilst you have your photos done. It’s a bonus if you get a nice venue and don’t have to spend hundreds of pounds on overnight accommodation.

I appreciate catering and venue is a huge part of the budget, but most of the rest is just superfluous.

@Elizabeth - wow that sounds like a very similar situation and thanks for the advice. Kind of nice to know I’m not the only bride feeling it!

@Flowerpot - also appreciate the advice - just want lovely memories

£20k seems very expensive for 50 guests. We had 50 guests and we topped at just over £13k, and we had a magician and a photo booth.

You have committed, you've got it all organised. Now forget the cost and just try and enjoy it, as what's the alternative?

I agree with Sidge

YABU to think weddings are the worst. I love a nice wedding, but I think it is ridiculous to spend £20 on a party for one day.

You cut your cloth to suit.

I stayed in a 5* hotel in st ives recently. Gorgeous boutique wedding with amazing views beautiful rooms, all the lovely touches you would expect and a spa/pool in the basement.

They have winter weddings for 50 people coming in at £7k. That’s with half bottle of wine pp for dinner, 3 course dinner, venue hire and the bridal suit for 2 nights for the bride and groom. Other rooms can be added at a discount.

You are clearly being swindled.

Don’t get the SE cookie cutter wedding

Am I missing something? If that money is basically for venue and food that's £400 a head? Even if you took off £5 k for outfits, flowers, errmmm stationery? that's still £300 a head, seems amazingly prices.

Caveat: my wedding was 20 years ago. Our food was £25 a head including wine and the venue came as part of it. Apparently that's all changed.

Op you could do your wedding somewhere else on the same date? Or would this venue do a better deal on a less popular date eg a Thursday, or Fri 13th?

Ahem. Amazingly PRICEY! sorry

I’m getting married next year - the one thing we noticed with in venues if you get married in the winter and during the week it’s alot cheaper - is that a option?

Got to admit our wedding will end up costing around the same as yours no doubt but we are doing everything we want as we don’t do parties etc for birthdays so making it a big party at the end of it.

Weddings are expensive and if you have time you can look around to see what works with you, but if you have expensive taste it will add up!

20k for 50 guests?! You're being taken for a ride. Put your foot down on all this nonsense. Getting married is not about a wedding/party. What utter bollocks.

I'd look at more venues that's crazy expensive! Our wedding in 2016 cost around 12k... we had a band and fireworks and 65 day guests 100 evening. Admittedly we got a discount for marrying in November (still on a Saturday though) and we cut costs where possible (outlet wedding dress, diy artificial flowers, diy centerpieces, eBay bridesmaid dresses, friend made cake, all in one venue so no cars needed). Obviously you are looking at a much fancier venue than we used but for less guests and the other costs cut it definately seems like you are overpaying! The venue we chose was also a regional winner in wedding awards so wasn't a 'cheap' venue.

Friends of mine who live in London decided they didn’t want to spend London/SE prices so they found a venue in Gloucestershire for a fraction of the price. It was without doubt one of the most beautiful wedding venues I’ve ever seen. All the guests were happy to travel there and make a weekend of it - overnight accommodation in the area was good value too.

I appreciate that not everyone wants a far away venue, but if the cost of this is making you think ‘wedding’s are the worst’ then it’s perhaps worth considering.

Our wedding cost about £5k in 2011. We got married in a registry office then hired a gastro pub close by and had cocktails on arrival, a 3 course meal, evening buffet and as many drinks people wanted for 60 guests. You are being ripped off by buying into the country house wedding ideal. I never understand why people get married in stately home type places that have no connection to their family - just lining other people’s pockets!

Can you change the date to out of season? Lots of venues do very good winter deals. I often walk past a beautiful medieval guildhall which offers a winter reception with 4 course meal and wine for reception/meal/toasts, log fire, and table centrepieces for £4,000, and you can have the ceremony there for not a lot more.

Thanks for the replies ❤️

We’re a bit stuck (the reason I’m feeling overwhelmed) we have elderly and frail relatives who mean the world to us so if we’re staying in this country we’re stuck within a 1.5hour ish radius of our area- which is unfortunately VERY expensive.

We have about 50 day (plus kids) and 30 night, the venue hire is about £5000 and the catering is £6500 for both day and night. (Changing season/ moving to a weekday makes a maximum of £350 difference - 😮 shockingly little! To inconvenience a lot of friends/family)

DP loves the venue and tbh I really like it, it’s upper middle ground in our area (not the most expensive) but not the cheapest.

We’re cutting lots of corners. No cars, no make up, do our own hair, no bridesmaids, very simple decor most of which is already provided in venue hire.

We do however need
-Band/ Dj - 1800
-Photographer -1500
-Cake - 400
-Rings - 800
-officiant -500

• flowers -300

So circa £5000 left to spend and I’ve shopped around in our area. Those are the best rates. I’d like everyone to have a good time.

We spent last night disagreeing over the honeymoon. DP is set on us doing something really amazing (we’ve both wanted to for ages) but it’s going to be around £4,500 (before spending money).

Eeek that is costing a lot!
We're getting married next year and it can be difficult to compromise and not spend too much. We've chosen a venue that isn't incredibly fancy, but has a very good local reputation for weddings and has rooms for guests to stay. Obviously prices depend on whereabouts you live. We're being charged £7000 for venue / food / DJ /table linen and will have maybe 80 in the day and an extra 40 at night.

If I were you I wouldn't spend £400 on a proper wedding cake. M&S and Waitrose do big occasion cakes and you would only need to add a cake topper.
Could you spend less on rings?

I'm vain, so I would make savings on other things to afford a proper hairdresser and someone to do my makeup to make sure I actually like the photos of me

I think in your shoes, as you say you can afford it and are limited in your choices the best option is to accept and enjoy it. You're not spending £20,000 on a wedding, you're spending £20,000 to have a memorable, stress free day with family and friends - some of whom are very frail.

I would have one serious think about whether you are likely to regret the spending and what a genuinely budget wedding near you looks like and then if you choose the expensive option do it wholeheartedly. The worst option is to spend £20000 and be miserable about it. If you do it, enjoy it.

However, I would be slightly concerned that a) your fiance seems to have very different attitudes to spending than you and b) it seems to all be going his way. Perhaps since he's essentially picked the wedding he should listen to you about the honeymoon?

Spend what you like OP but if you are g prepared to spend £1500 on a photographer and £400on a cake (!!!!) then you can't really complain about costs. Can someone make the cake? £800 on rings is a, lot too.