To ask mil to put dd to bed this weekend?

[Mammamooch]

I don't normally delegate childcare but I'm at my wits end. Every single night is the same. Dd has bath and story then as soon as lights go out the shenanigans start. She tried every trick in the book to keep us going back into her room - she needs the loo, she needs more water, she's lost her toy, she has something to tell me. I just want a nice calm bedtime but every single night we end up shouting because she just won't settle, sometimes for hours. I've been in tears again tonight because I just don't know what to do. We've tried incentives, withdrawing privileges, ignoring her (she just gets hysterical and then takes even longer to calm down). I've just had enough, why on Earth can't she go to bed like other children do?

How old is she?

What she is DD?

Sorry I meant to say, she is six, nearly seven.

Does she have a night light in her room? My just 7yr old gd, likes to have a light on when she stays with me.

If you think it will help and MIL is willing then go for it. I’ve got 4 kids, the first 3 slept in their cot happily from the start, my 4th would not settle unless he was breastfed to sleep and continued to wake ever couple of hours for another feed, I was back at work and exhausted, my MIL took him to bed for 3 nights in a row with bottles of breast milk and after that he was fine.
The only difference is at 6/7 she is making the decision to stay up / play up rather than just me trying to change my sons routine at 12 months.... so there’s no guarantee she’ll not just do it again for you when your MIL leaves?
Maybe a stricter routine is needed, longer wind down period in the evening - no technology etc after dinner/ before bed.

She has her gro clock which has a soft blue light and has the door slightly ajar with the landing light on.

I know she'll do it again when Mil leaves, I just need a break from it all. Just to go to the pub for an hour or actually watch tv.

blue light in't great for sleep.

she is taking the mickey.let her tantrum and ignore.

My two eldest are 7 and they’re both pushing boundaries and seeing what they can get away with.... I think maybe a break would be helpful but I’d be aiming to be strict and stand your ground...

If she doesn’t have more water she won’t need the toilet as much. If she’s getting up to use the loo a lot at night then reduce her liquids intake before bed... definitely have a break for you but try to come up with a plan to resolve too - maybe MIL can help implement???

Could it be that she's not actually tired? What would it be like if you let her stay up until she was? I've looked after children who just weren't tired at the time I wanted them to be, the answer was to let them stay up but no stimulation until they were naturally tired

I'd keep putting her back to bed. Do a star chart and start taking away her favourite toys until she stays in her bed. Let her earn them back by being good.

Maybe she’s scared and just wants her mum.

Given you spend ages going in, then you might as well just make it positive.

I had this issue with my dcs. So instead of fighting it and wasting hours shouting/getting annoyed, I sat with them once lights were out. We introduced audio books as well and a relaxing song.

It has worked well and they settle much better now.

Personally, I lie in bed with my DD until she drops off to sleep. Then when the coast is fed clear I sneak out.
I'm sure a few people will tell me I'm being ridiculous but it's always worked. It's never failed in fact...

Can you try talking to her during daylight hours about why she’s doing it? And explain the effect it’s having on you?

Definitely ditch the blue light, bad for sleep. Try a star projector.

My two hate bedtime but the deal is if they lie quietly I’ll go back up every 10 mins for a cuddle and check.

Audio books are great or my DD5 likes listening to nursery rhymes. Or try the podcast Bedtime History: Inspirational stories for kids if she prefers more factual stuff.

First of all, stop talking to her when she demands things. You're just feeding the problem. "No. It's time for bed" is all you should be saying. Put her back into bed and leave the room. You will simply have to do this as many times as it takes, but you must NOT give into her demands or lose control of your temper. Any time you do that she wins and she knows it. Stop letting a child control your household.

Leave grandma out of it. This is your problem to solve.

Everything she is asking for she can do herself at age 6-
Go the toilet alone
Get her toy
Have a drink (just leave a cup in her room)

Ignore ignore ignore.
At that age she isn't daft and she knows she's getting attention from you so isn't going to stop.

We still have occasional issues with DD7 and DS6, but have found being mean essentially has helped. If they want a chat as they're going to bed we let it happen, but after that then its a short reply and go back to bed. When its the loo we decided to monitor them and if they didn't really go they lost tv/pad privileges - if they come out now they really need it. A drink is a small amount of water as a one off. They try to push going to bed more than getting up more now.

it's a battle for power Op. There are lots of different strategies. Whichever you choose, you need to ensure that your will is stronger than your child's will. Decide on your boundaries and then follow it through consistently - time after time. Don't let her divert and engage you in 'secondary behaviour' (google that).
Reward the behaviour you want to see and strategically ignore the stressful / diversionary behaviour (iyswim) .

Just let her have a big glass of water on her bedside table. Only thing she’s allowed to come out of room for is to go to loo. I think that’s fair at nearly 7.

Get rid of the bedtime routine, its obviously not working for her and is making sleep stressful for everyone.
Let her stay up and do what she wants untill asks to go to bed or falls asleep where she is, she'll soon learn she doesnt like being tired and has to go to bed when she feels it.

What OhComeOnRon and others have said.
When my DC were little, our paediatrician said, "No matter how many times they come out of their rooms, take them back. 30, 40, 50 times - take them back and tuck them in again, very calmly. Don't talk to them any more than you have to. It will only take a few nights before they learn to stay in bed." She was right.

Have you tried asking her OP about why she's struggling to fall asleep?

Is it a recent thing?If it is could it be noise from outside(what with all of the fireworks going off)or she could have had a bad dream or be worried about something that's happening at school.

If your Mil is willing to help then I think go for it,we all could do with an extra pair of hands and a break now and again and if your Mil does manage to get your DD to sleep then it'll be good for her and for you.

Yes have a break if MIL is willing to help then when you’re refreshed tackle it maybe the way puttingthegenieback suggests.

I've got dgs5 staying for the weekend, and was putting him to bed at about the same time. He has milk and biscuits on the bedside table - snack for if he gets hungry in the night. Then I usually talk about what we're going to do next day, and say we won't be doing it if you don't go to sleep, because we'll all be too tired. He goes out like a light.