To ask mil to put dd to bed this weekend?

[Mammamooch]

I don't normally delegate childcare but I'm at my wits end. Every single night is the same. Dd has bath and story then as soon as lights go out the shenanigans start. She tried every trick in the book to keep us going back into her room - she needs the loo, she needs more water, she's lost her toy, she has something to tell me. I just want a nice calm bedtime but every single night we end up shouting because she just won't settle, sometimes for hours. I've been in tears again tonight because I just don't know what to do. We've tried incentives, withdrawing privileges, ignoring her (she just gets hysterical and then takes even longer to calm down). I've just had enough, why on Earth can't she go to bed like other children do?

If its just started very suddenly, i would take her to the GP to check for ear infections and UTIs. If it is neither, you have to give her the silent treatment. After bedtime, you simply dont talk to her (its easier than restricting yourself to a phrase as they tempt you to say more!). If she comes out of her room, take her back in, silently, and shut the door. And repeat until midnight if necessary. Then next night it will be the same and the third night it will be easier. The fourth night it should be over. If she is very strong willed, she might fight you for seven nights. If she does, try and remember that the pain she is causing you will be an asset to her as a grownup.

Google Supernanny for this. Basically, you go but you never go into her room, you go to the door. It’s more nuanced but that’s the gist.

How about carrot and stick?

Stick: Tell her kindly but firmly earlier in the evening, maybe at bathtime that she's old enough to settle herself at bedtime without a fuss. Tell her that if she gets out of bed you'll take her back straight away without talking to her. And then go right ahead and do just that! The key is in being consistent. You say in your OP you end up shouting at her which doesn't help anyone. Mentally prepare yourself for her getting out of bed so you can control your emotions when she does. Supenanny used to recommend the first time, lead them back with a 'Bedtime darling', the second time 'Bedtime' and the third and subsequent times in silence, no eye contact or getting dragged into conversation. It works!

Carrot: Make sure her bedroom is a lovely, calm, positive place to be. Maybe let her pick out a new bedding set? This one is super warm and snuggly www.dunelm.com/product/teddy-bear-cream-duvet-cover-1000101702 or a new cuddly animal (strict rule that it STAYS in her bed). A projector or soft, warm nightlight might be a nice addition too. Start every evening routine winding down with a long bath and you reading to her while she's tucked up. After the stories have a talk about your day to give her the chance to open up about any worries - I find this is the time when they do! Then give her a big cuddle and a kiss goodnight and set an audiobook playing for her. I would download a whole bunch of audiobooks aimed at younger children - not exciting adventure stories like she might listen to on car journeys or whatever, and certainly nothing with 'baddies', but calmer 'nicey-nicey' stories such as Winnie-the-Pooh or My Naughty Little Sister. Leave a sports bottle of water by the bed so she doesn't have that as an excuse. Consider implementing a sticker chart too. A sticker every morning that she hasn't been out of bed the night before. 14 stickers (or whatever) equals a prize.

Stop making a rod for your own back with the tears and shouting. You're allowing her to control the situation. That's madness.

DD was like that, we did the 'minimum engagement' approach and it worked. Basically, every single time she called/wanted something/came out/asked something, we would go in, silently do whatever it was she wanted, then say "Time for sleep now. Good night." And leave. No kiss, no hug, no other engagement at all. If she was asking a question, it was "Ask in the morning. Time for sleep now. Good night."

The first night we put her back to bed seventeen times. By the fourth night it was twice. It was like a minor miracle.

We had this. I can't remember how we resolved it but she did need reminding that you have to lie down and close your eyes to go to sleep

YANBUMto ask MIL to put DD to,bed this weekend. You need a break for your sanity

Have you discussed it with her in the day time? I would sit her down, set out expectations and ask why she keeps getting up. If my 6 year old did this i would confiscate the iPad or a favourite toy. My Dd likes to try and long out bedtime by asking loads of questions but I just say enough now it's time for bed. She knows she can go to the loo without asking but that's all unless she is ill.
Is she having bad dreams or scared of the dark? I think you are going to have to be really mean and go cold turkey and refuse to go in or let her out for anything except loo. It will probably be horrific for a few nights but if you don't back down she will get used to it. When she doesn't call you in make a big deal of how good she has been