To want to stop worrying about cancer

[HealthAnxietySucks]

I want to start by saying I apologise for my post because I know that sadly lots reading this will have actually had cancer or have / had loved ones affected. Even typing the word makes me feel panicky

It just terrifies me so much. If I have a pain or a niggle I immediately think the C word. A few months ago I had a bruise on my toenail which I was beside myself with worry that it was a skin cancer. The dr looked at me like I was mad and wasting his time which I was tbh as it soon went away. I’ve had loads of little scares like this, I hate it 😔

I think it started a few years ago when I had a lump investigated. I went to absolute pieces waiting for the results. Thankfully it turned out to be nothing serious but i think it made me realise that health is fragile and I too was vulnerable

I am reasonably slim, fit and healthy, don’t smoke, have a physical job and eat well try and eat lots of fruit and veg. In fact I do actually obsess a bit about getting at least 5 a day if not more as I feel it will improve my chances of not getting it. but then I sort of think what’s the point? As you hear about people getting it who were exactly like me anyway. Or younger / fitter / healthier etc 😩.

And then last night I saw an ad on tv, from su2cancer where a young dad died, it was heartbreaking. Then it went on to say 1 in 2 of us will develop the disease. One in 2 ffs. Half of us will get it. It terrifies me

Ironically I am not actually scared of dying itself. but I want to live a full and long a life as possible (as all of us do!) and what scares me the most is the thought of getting it, then hearing its terminal and just knowing you’ll die sooner rather than later and having to live with that knowledge. I’d fall to bits

I am so sorry if this thread triggers / upsets anyone. I just want it to stop taking over my life.

Maybe you are focussing on this one particular fear and not working out why, Perhaps counseling would help you unravel it. Incidentally, many many cancers are now controllable conditions and not the killer that used to be, but that doesn't make for TV drama and heartstring pulling. Clearly, you know your fears are not rational so you need to think of a plan to help you

I don’t like Stand up to Cancer for the videos that you mention. Yes one in two of us will develop it but mostly in old age because we are living longer.
The videos are designed to pull on heart strings to get more people to donate money to research. The reality is quite a few cancers have an excellent survival/treatment rate - my DH was diagnosed in his thirties with lymphoma - very rare in people his age - one course of six cycles of chemo and as yet it hasn’t returned - it will be 5 years in January so fingers crossed. I personally would rather they showed more success stories - I won’t watch it. (Although do have a monthly donation to Cancer Research UK.)
I would seek some counselling if the fear is taking over your life.

I’ve thought about going to the dr about it. But I just think they’ll think I’m a total idiot and a time waster as they probably see people with actual cancer and other serious illnesses every day and here’s me perfectly well touch wood there because I’m worried about the possibility I may become I’ll

I feel it’s more prevalent now as well. I’m 39 and can’t ever remember anyone having it 20/30 years ago. Apart from my ddad’s uncle dying in the 90’s from lung cancer. But he was about 75/80 and smoked like a chimney. It seemed a rare disease associated with smoking and old age. You never heard of it. Nowadays it just seems like it’s everywhere.

Iona I’m so glad your DH is ok

I donate to CRUK too. Have done since my scare.

It sounds like you have a very specific form of health anxiety. In case you haven't looked that up www.nhs.uk/conditions/health-anxiety/ is a fair starting point. They suggest some self help stuff. If those don't work, and it's impacting your life, then worth seeing your GP.

You're not doing this deliberately, and it is causing you genuine distress, so no one should be judging you on it. I say that as someone undergoing treatment for cancer.

It’s “everywhere now” I think because people are living with it, having treatment and going about their lives. It also used to be something people didn’t discuss so was not as noticeable. 1 in 2 includes very old people as well.
I have health anxiety and it’s crap but doctors are very used to dealing with it and no one will judge you.
I try to remind myself that I don’t want to waste time focusing on the fear (and this has happened lots) - I want to live my life.
Medication helps tbh.

I am like this too, my baby was investigated for a lump in his neck, 8 weeks of tests made me near suicidal. I think I have a form of ptsd now and if I think about cancer or notice one of the kids is losing weight or had a temp I instantly go back to that level of stress and anxiety. It's horrible. I don't know the solution, but I have started trying to distract myself when I feel I'm going down that road again.

Mrmakers that’s how I am 😩it really sucks

I’m glad your baby is ok x

SureIused

I am already on medication for general anxiety and although it helps me feel generally calmer it doesn’t take away my fear

I honestly feel sick every time I even hear/see one of the adverts, those ones along the lines of “a sister/mum/dad etc with cancer is still a sister/mum/dad”

Hi OP,

I don't think it's silly at all- you have some legitimate fears and you had an experience that triggered those fears.

Try to keep in mind though that the majority of diagnoses are of older adults; that survival outcomes are much better these days with advances in treatments and that the 'one in two' figure will include diagnoses like basal cell carcinomas (skin cancer), which can usually just be surgically removed and will also include lots of people who get cancer but then go into remission or live a very long time with it.

I have just had a similar scare to yours and it does bring up all sorts of thoughts and concerns but it's important not to let the worry eat away at your life. Have you had any CBT or other therapy for your GAD?

Thanks Emily.

My scare coincided with the birth of my youngest child and I think it gave me a bit of a crisis about mortality and the circle of life (if that doesn’t sound too weird!)

I think what really scares me as well is how cancer is not something you either survive or you don’t. The stories I find most horrifying and scary are the ones where someone has “beaten” it, they’re living their life so happy cos theyre well again, only for it to reoccur and with a vengeance 😔 . So if someone is lucky enough to survive it can come back. So survivors have to live in the shadow of it for life really

It is such an unfair and shit disease I can’t believe they haven’t found a cure

Again I hope I haven’t upset or triggered anyone who has had it x

I was just about to mention the basal cell/rodent cancer thing that Emily mentioned.

I believe they account for at least a third of all cancer diagnoses, but are pretty “harmless” (in terms of cancer) in themselves.

Exactly op, what scares me is you're never really free from it.

Saucy I have never even heard of those ! But that’s reassuring I guess.

Hi HealthAnxietySucks,

It sounds like you had a horrible time when you were waiting to be seen for your lump and it couldn't have happened at a more stressful time in your life either! It's not surprising that you have anxiety about this.

Keep in mind though that it may never happen to you- you might never get cancer. Also remember that we have brilliant healthcare in the UK and most people are lucky enough to live beyond the age of 70 in the UK.

Also some people do have cancer relapses but other people never have relapses and just recover from their illness. The news and magazine articles always focus on the worst situations!

We can only really deal with the problems that we have at the time that we have them and often when faced with difficult diagnoses people find new ways of coping and of enjoying life to the full.

Each day has enough worries so it's important to focus on the here and now. I know how hard that is as I have an anxiety disorder too and I've just had a scary cancer scare like yours and a visit to the breast clinic on Wednesday.

Thinking of you OP- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might really help- you can ask your GP to refer you if you want to give it a try.

I think you need to talk about this to your gp and get some appropriate treatment.

fwiw when I had my first baby I became terrified my husband would die. I had it really bad. I think I just felt very vulnerable and also terrified my baby would die, which I couldn't face, so it was 'easier' to think of my husband dying. Or something like that!

I can quite see how you could put 2 and 2 together and make 5 - at a time when you were so vulnerable and you had the real fear of thinking you may have cancer. It's so understandable how this kind of 'caught' and has turned into a fire!

Also fwiw I've had cancer - and you haven't offended me at all! - and I can't bear the advertising or what have you. I turn a blind eye to it all because I can't stand it. In a way having cancer isn't as bad as being terrified you may have it - it became pretty ordinary for me when I was going through the treatment, though when I first got the diagnosis I couldn't say the word 'cancer' for months. In the end it was all quite dull.

But do get yourself some help. Your gp won't think you're being silly at all

Op - I could have written this myself, it's horrible to be as anxious as this over something you can't really control. I've felt this way since I was 13 years old, I'm 35 now. I'm on medication. I've tried counselling and CBT therapy. I'm sick of it. I have a form of OCD with it too which makes me constantly check myself for lumps. I can't write the word, touch a pen with the word on. Walk past a poster about it without holding my breath in case I breathe it in. It just takes over your life ☹️

I think you need to find ways of coping with your anxiety about this, you’ll either get it or you won’t and panicking isn’t going to make that more or less likely.

Obviously a lot of people make a full recovery from cancer, so it’s not necessarily the end. However, there’s two ways of looking at a terminal diagnosis. I heard a radio programme a few years ago when they were talking about how cancer is the ‘ideal death’. Hear me out on this one. You get given an idea of the window of time that you have left, and during that time you can tie up loose ends, tell your loved ones anything you want them to hear before you go, have any final experiences you want to have, and when the end is nigh you slip away off your nut on morphine, surrounded by your nearest and dearest.

Put like that, it doesn’t sound so bad. Obviously nobody wants to get cancer, but it some ways it may be a preferable way to go than a sudden heart attack or car accident etc.

Hope this hasn’t offended anyone who has been affected by cancer, just thought it might help the OP to look at things from a different angle.

I have a cancer charity advert at the bottom of this thread, grrr!

Not that they shouldn't advertise obviously, but just wish I didn't have to look at a pic with a lady who is poorly! It really triggers me.

Hoovering I would genuinely rather die suddenly. Heart attack etc

Sorry don’t wanna sound flippant

But i would hate to know the end was near

Oh god me too mrMaker 😔

I suffer terribly from health anxiety and when it flairs up i feel like it really takes over my life. Any little thing can trigger it. After I had my ds I suffered from jaw problems (I presume from clamping down on the gas and air). It was so painful and clicky in February this year that I convinced myself that there was tumour in my jaw that was pushing everything out of alignment. Then a few weeks after that my back went badly and I was convinced it was due to cancer in my spine.

Every little niggle I put it down to cancer and I do the same when it comes to my children too. I'm constantly convinced that I'm going to die before I'm 40 and that my children will get ill as well. I sometimes half joke with my dh that at any given time I have at least 3 different forms of cancer plus a bunch of other nasty illnesses going on. He thinks I'm neurotic and won't engage with me when I'm like this.

I've always been bad when it comes to health anxiety but it definitely got worse after my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He actually did get 3 different types of cancer, none of which were related to each other or caused by each other. I'm sure that's very rare but it was too close to home for me. Incidentally he did die prematurely but it was caused by something completely unrelated to his cancers. I also lost my auntie to cancer. Both my dad and auntie died suddenly and unexpectedly within 3 months of each other and my health anxiety has been terrible ever since. I hate feeling like this but I can't seem to snap out it when it hits me.

Hello,
I had thyroid cancer, diagnosed after birth of my daughter. In remission now, but I too then thought every lump or bump me or my kids had was cancer. Honestly cbt therapy saved me! You have health anxiety by the sounds of it, and it is miserable x