"Respect needs to be earned." Wot?

[liverbird10]

Does this phrase set anyone else's teeth on edge?

Is it not better to have the default position of respecting people until they give you a reason NOT to?

Yup. Totally agree...

I'll always be polite and civil but I don't respect anyone automatically.

It's a line usually trotted out by old people who think they should be bowed down to because of their age, in my experience.

I think everyone deserves a certain amount of respect, until proven otherwise.

But there are extra levels of respect/trust/admiration that are earned.

It’s a phrase from the older generation. I like it, it works both ways.

I don’t have to respect someone I have never met before, I don’t know if I even trust them yet. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be polite.

TAAT?

It annoyed me too, I’m very much of the opinion that you respect people until they give you reason not to.

I think it depends on the context. Of course everyone should be accorded a basic level of respect and dignity simple because we are all human. But if someone wants me to respect their expertise, for example, then they aren’t just entitled.

Totally agree.

Feeling respect for someone is optional, but you should always behave respectfully of other people unless there’s a strong reason not to!

I think that phrase is usually trotted out by teachers when 14 year olds accuse them of "disrespecting" them for telling them to stop talking dring a lesson, or similar. In that context its fair enough to say respect is a two way street, or earned by behaving properly...

Obviously basic respect for the human rights of other people is a prerequisite for everyone from the start.

Higher levels of respect are earned, and certainly there are some people who command tremendous respect, and others who don't so much.

It's a line usually trotted out by old people who think they should be bowed down to because of their age, in my experience.*

Interesting: in my experience it's much more the quarry of younger people who say they 'don't have to be spoken to like that' whilst reserving the right to talk to other people just how they like.

Generalisations are poo!

Especially kids respecting teachers

For children, absolutely, they should respect others and their environment.

Between Adults, then if you mean the definition of "due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.", then yes.

But the definition of admiration and holding in high esteem, just because they are, the boss, doctor, rich etc, then no.

Likewise I don't look down on anyone either.

Bluskies YES!!!!

I actually agree with the phrase!

Trust everyone once I agree with also.

There is being civil / polite to everyone and then there is respecting someone. They are two different things.

I respect one of my Directors but I don't respect the other one because he lies and is obnoxious.

I will treat everyone with basic respect and courtesy unless they give me a reason not to. However I will not defer to anyone unnecessarily, or unearned. I don't force the kids to either. So people don't get extra respect just by having a particular title or position.

It’s a phrase from the older generation.
Ha! I'd say it's the other way round.

I suppose that it depends on your definition. Wiktionary says "an attitude of consideration or high regard". I don't see how everyone can expect high regard. It's like expecting everyone to be above average.
I'll be civil to people until they prove that they are not worthy of it. I wouldn't respect anyone until they'd earned it.

Yabu

There' a difference between being polite/civil and actually having reepext for someone

Depends on whether you define respect as action or belief.

If action then yes- all children and adults should behave courteously and politely to other people without waiting to see if they can earn it.

If belief- then no. Even a child is allowed to see e.g. that her French teacher often gets her grammar wrong or that granddad can be unkind and unfair. They still have to behave well. But they don't need to try to gaslight themselves into thinking black is white.

I have a default position of not embarrassing myself by being rude. But respect is more than basic manners to me. Respect is valuing a person above others. So for me respect is earned.

I'll always be polite and civil but I don't respect anyone automatically

Absolutely this.

I'm polite and civil to everyone.

I can't "respect" them until I know them better.
For example, in a work situation, I don't respect my manager, just because he's my manager - he has to prove that he's worthy of respect.

I think it’s better expressed as “respect cannot be demanded”.

It’s one thing (and correct imo) to be generally respectful of others. It’s another thing entirely to expect/demand to be respected just because e.g. you got a job as the manager.

I think the problem is respect has multiple meanings - one is being polite and civil and regarding any needs a person may have, that doesn't need to be earnt. However there's also the meaning of admiring and supporting a person, that does need to be earnt.

The problem comes when someone expects the second form, but doesn't even give the first in return. That is common among various groups, who then use the phrase I'd say.

Having been told by a young man in the household of students next door - thankfully I no longer live next door to them - that I wasn't respecting them because I was knocking on their door at 5 o'clock in the morning telling them to turn their loud drum and bass music down 3 or 4 times a week, I tend to think that in some instances respect does need to be earned.

I'm always polite and courteous to everyone I meet. If they then go on to behave in a way that tells me they're arses them no, I don't feel they've earned my respect.

I'll always be polite and civil but I don't respect anyone automatically

^Me too

There was a good quote on this topic doing the rounds recently - along the lines of the two definitions of respect being 'to treat someone like a human being' and 'to treat someone like an authority or a superior'. And some people who shout about deserving to be respected actually mean 'You must treat me as your superior before I will treat you as a human being.'
I'm generally relatively civil to people unless they are being dicks. But I tend to prefer this motto when it comes to authority - do not respect any authority that doesn't respect you. Therefore officious dickheads, bullies with badges, pointless rules and punishments etc, should be either ignored or resisted.