Inexplicable Things Relatives Say

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

I remember, walking across my Nan’s lawn, aged six and a half, to greet my great-grandmother who was perched on one of those funny garden deck chair things, (the ones that folded out, all poky metal and blue stripey plasticy material seat) eating a cress sandwich.

As I walked into her line of vision, she exclaimed, so it tringed across the garden,

‘Doesn’t she look like Princess Anne?’

I was six. I was wearing flowery culottes (summer 1992) I had a scrunchie in my hair.

How the fuck did I look like Princess Anne?!!

I would continue, in her eyes, to look like Princess Anne for the next 22 years. Even when shown a picture of me in my graduation gown she (90 at the time) grasped my hand, milky-eyed, and whispered ‘oh you could be Princess Anne!’

After she died I sort of missed her saying it so I looked up photos of a young Princess Anne.

I don’t and have never looked remotely like Princess Anne.

Not me but I always remember my friend's dad taking a picture of us all dressed up and told her to smile with a closed mouth so she didn't show her teeth. She looked beautiful with a big wide open smile too. I ☹️

After telling my GM I was pregnant with DD1, and that I was going shopping for a pram after my visit to her, she replied with "don't buy too much, I lost my first one at 25 weeks". My mum and I were like 

There was meant to be a face there... *were like :o

Really diary or were you more ?

My mum told me I’d never be classed as pretty as I’m more unusual looking, nice eh

Not actually a relation but it certainly belongs here.

I was standing with a friend at the edge of the classroom, we were about 15 years old at the time, and my friend, talking about one of the girls in the class, turned to me and said 'if Anne had a different face she'd be quite pretty'.

That was over 50 years ago and I still haven't worked out what she meant.

@drivingmisspotty that was the one I was going for! Who says that to a pregnant woman? Even my Aunty who is well known for being a bit un-pc was shocked!

My great aunt once said I look like a man dressed as a woman. In front of a massive group of my friends. I was 15 at the time and clearly female. I’m 24 now and it still stings. Thankfully one of my brasher friends Max a 17 year old 6ft odd muscly rugby lad called her out on it immediately (dated him for a few years a couple of months after that) and my other friends quickly shouted her down. Luckily I’m great at hiding how I feel so I didn’t end up getting upset.

Odd thing is I’m her favourite niece and while she’s not always the most thoughtful with what she says she’d never and has never said anything quite so hurtful to me. So I’m not sure what she was trying to accomplish.

When I was 14 my grandma said loudly, as she was picking me up from school in front of the other kids, "you'll be needing a brassier soon." I still cringe thinking about it now.

My gran about my Ds, "he's lovely I hope he grows into his ears" tbf they are a bit FA cup like she also called him orca the whale for an age because he had "orca teeth" (his teeth are totally normal!)

My DD's DGM always referred to her as "my little blondie" when DD was small. DD has never been blonde. Still now she'll say "oh you had such beautiful blonde curls!" She had curls but they were mid brown, not even light brown!

DF when I had lost a lot of weight, at last at the size I wanted - "You look like the grim reaper" err, thanks Dad

My gran had a plethora of odd sayings; a chubby person had a “ face like a workhouse pudding stepped on”, a quiet man would be “Larry in the corner with his knees turned in” and someone with an inelegant walk would “look like a cow on a crutch”
I have no idea where she got them from!

When my cousin got married they had vicar who happened to have a lisp. All the guests either ignored it or didn't think anything of it. Except my nan. My nan, who was in her 80s, thought it was hilarious and sniggered throughout the whole service. I miss her.

My DM when talking about buying things for my first DD told me not to get over excited buying things just in case I had a still born like my DGM. Cue a very anxious pregnancy. I'll never forgive or forget for her saying that.

@Greensleeves you made me giggle with this My mother said I was a long streak of piss

My own DM told me, when I was about 20, that a neighbour had commented that she’d seen me going out and that I looked pretty. My DM corrected her and said “no, she’s handsome, she’s not pretty” WTF??

My FIL, when I was then dating his son and we were staying at a rather ‘naice’ hotel in the area, said “that’s the most expensive shag you’ll ever have”

My granny would say “I’ll put you in the dustbin & sit on the lid” if she felt there was any risk of our being bold. Said threat clearly why we were always “good as gold and twice as nice”. We were also to have a wee before leaving the house on the basis the Queen always goes to the loo before she leaves the Palace. (I confess to using the latter with my Brownies...).

My grandad on the other side would come out with completely random nonsense. To be honest I think “how many elephants swimming in the fishpond in an English country garden” is better than the original... he used to call his female grandchildren Alice & male ones Charlie - like the cats...

I can remember when I was about 3 and staying at my Grandma's house - a tall London town house with very steep stairs. She had put me in my nightie (no knickers on) and as I went up the stairs in front of her she obviously got a full view of my undercarriage - "Will you look at that; it's a good thing men think it looks attractive."

@Spud, I feel your pain - when my FIL found out we were expecting DC1 he told DH, "Well, at least we know you've got lead in your pencil."

Mind you, this is the same man who sat down next to my DM at our wedding reception and said, "Now I suppose we just wait for the grandchildren..." I felt like asking him if we could get off the dance floor first!

I used to do silly opera impressions and my Grandma used to proudly tell people I'd "be on the stage" when I was older

My aunt to my cousin when she came home late after an evening
out with her boyfriend - 'that's it, I'm having you put in a home!'
My cousin was 25 at the time.

I was told it was like cuddling a bicycle trying to cuddle me when I was a kid, as I was very skinny and very bony!

When my brother was dating my now beloved sil, i asked my nan how it went when they were first introduced. Oh she said! What a lovely girl, so clever, really smart, seems very kind. Then with a small shrug - not very pretty but you can't have it all !
They've been together 20 years now and poor sil adored my nan who sadly passed away last year. She was a Scorpio and she did have a sting in her tail !

My cousin's aunt introduced them once by gushing about how one was so totally amazingly pretty, and the other was really clever and smart, and couldn't understand at all when they were both offended.

My gran always says “let the dog see the rabbit!” When she’s trying to get her key in the front door, and when we were being naughty as children (she looked after us full time), she’d tell us to behave like young ladies or she’d give us a ‘thick ear’ 😂. She’s nearly 90 and still going strong. I find cockney accents very comforting because of her!