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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He lied! AIBU to feel a bit down?

75 replies

Notrusthere · 08/11/2018 21:26

DD has karate tonight and I take her. We would normally get home around 8.

Tonight it was cancelled so we got home an hour early.

DH wasn't in which was odd because he usually gets home about 5.30.

I got DD to bed and then rang him.

Conversation went something like this:

"Hi are you ok?"
"Yes fine are you?"
"Yes I'm ok. What are you upto?"
"I'm just at home, not been back long....."

Fucking liar!! He wasn't at home, I was there!!

Long story short when confronted he said he had gone out for a drink with work friends and didn't want to tell me (why?!)

I have never ever had an issue with him going out for a drink after work,actually I would encourage it.

He's said he's sorry, shouldn't have lied

I assumed the worst to be honest (affair) but he let me look at his.phone when I asked so I think he was telling the truth...but what the he'll!

WIBU to think the worst and AIBU to still feel that a bit of trust has gone?

Name change btw

OP posts:

Booskina · 09/11/2018 19:06

Sorry OP, you’re not being unreasonable my spidey senses would be tingling too. I think the best bet would be to check call records, blocked numbers, archived chats, WhatsApp call lists, emails; pretty much anything u can get your hands on to be sure. Sounds like you had no reason to distrust him before this but you do now and are not being U. Can you tell I’ve recently helped my sister through the same situation? Her suspicions were bang on sadly.

Booskina · 09/11/2018 19:07

Also my sister found the 2nd phone in a gym bag... look high and low x

YetAnotherUser · 09/11/2018 19:12

Where did he say he went? Check his location history on Google maps if he has it.

Original poster

Notrusthere · 09/11/2018 19:27

Google maps the location settings are turned off and I don t know his account info to log in. Location on phone is turned on but I forgot to look yesterday stupidly!

I confronted him on the phone and when he got back

OP posts:

Ninabean17 · 09/11/2018 19:29

This is all very suspicious, I honestly don't know if I could let this go.

RangeRider · 09/11/2018 19:34

He let you check his phone? That's a bit odd in itself.
????? If he'd refused you'd have said 'He didn't let you look? That's a huge red flag!!'
Why do some people on here want OPs to jump to the immediate conclusion that their partner is having an affair? Do you all really get your kicks from trying to make someone suspicious and miserable?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/11/2018 19:39

He could and would have deleted anything fishy before he got home RangeRider.

CathKidneyston · 09/11/2018 19:43

If you had nothing to hide why lie esp to someone you love over something so minor?

Merryoldgoat · 09/11/2018 19:47

I’d let it go for now. Act like it’s all fine. Do some digging. If he’s got something to hide he’ll be on high alert so you need him to be comfortable again.

Bide your time and get your ducks in a row just in case. It’s entirely possible that there’s nothing to this - just a silly split second decision but you need to find out for sure.

Toughtips · 09/11/2018 19:48

Hmmm it is strange but how are you in your relationship? Do you enjoy being together? Does he talk to you about his day? Are you affectionate with each othwr?

Original poster

Notrusthere · 09/11/2018 20:20

We've had a tough few years, mainly due to my anxiety and depression so in many many ways I wouldn't blame him if he was cheating to be honest

OP posts:

AmIFalling · 09/11/2018 21:59

Act like nothing is wrong and somehow spy on him during the karate hours in a few weeks?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 09/11/2018 22:03

Its not uncommon for husband/men to have a sneaky pint after work. It might just be a white lie, no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Wolfiefan · 09/11/2018 22:07

Alcohol consumption shouldn’t be “sneaky” and why only men?

Believeitornot · 09/11/2018 22:11

I wish that Smell his cock was just funny - because that’s how I suspected DH was cheating but never got any other evidence.

(He’s got a mild latex allergy and would get a bumpy reaction if we used condoms, even latex free ones....)

Jack65 · 09/11/2018 22:18

Believeitornot yes it's a dead giveaway lol. I kicked mine out for that one. Never looked back.

applesin · 09/11/2018 22:29

Oh OP you are worth so much more than that - I don't know if that's how he's made you feel, the depression and anxiety talking, or both, but no matter what's happened you don't deserve this. Someone who loves you will not do that to you, and someone decent would end the relationship if they wanted to pursue a new one.

Lundi · 09/11/2018 22:48

Poor guy. Bet it was just one stupid lie and now he's getting accused of all sorts!

Merryoldgoat · 09/11/2018 22:59

@lundi

I think there is every possibility that he’s just said the wrong thing, is entirely innocent and just said the wrong thing.

However, there was no reason at all to lie and I think it’s perfectly reasonable to do a bit of digging.

EleanorShellstropper · 10/11/2018 13:52

Ask where he went....

...then contact the bar/pub to ask if they have CCTV and if they'd be sympathetic enough to either show you or confirm your OH (from a picture) was there at the time he said, with work colleagues..

To be honest this screams cheating to me.

slashlover · 10/11/2018 14:23

...then contact the bar/pub to ask if they have CCTV and if they'd be sympathetic enough to either show you or confirm your OH (from a picture) was there at the time he said, with work colleagues..

Where I work only the police can view CCTV footage without filling in an official form.

Why does everyone jump straight to affair?

RCohle · 10/11/2018 14:43

If you have so little trust in your spouse that you feel the need to check CCTV footage to confirm his whereabouts then your marriage is already over.

I man admitting on MN that he contacted a bar asking for CCTV footage to confirm his wife's location would quite rightly be called controlling and abusive.

AmIFalling · 10/11/2018 19:22

@RCohle I wouldn't see that as controlling and abusive at all. Why do people always think flipping the sexes round proves a point? He lied to his wife about where he was because he supposedly wanted to go drinking with his mates while his wife was being a good mum and taking their child out. That makes him a liar. Wanting to know where the fuck he really was is not controlling and abusive.

AmIFalling · 10/11/2018 19:24

I do however agree that if you need to go to the cctv length, the marriage is probably over already.

RCohle · 10/11/2018 19:36

Yes, he lied and yes, the OP is quite within her rights to want to know where he really was.

However, I think there comes a point where the steps the OP is being advised to take to confirm her husband's location become more problematic than the husband's original lie itself (which may well have been perfectly innocent).

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