Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accused of racism

145 replies

Worried2987 · 08/11/2018 20:57

I was called into hr this afternoon and told that a couple of women 9n another team had heard me discussing something with colleagues that they have said was racist and made them uncomfortable.

This was to do with someone say8ng they liked Jeremy Clarkson and I said he got in trouble for saying the eeny meany miny moe song and instead of froggy (as I had learnt it) had used the n word. A girl on my team didn't know what I meant. I said I'm not saying the word but it was racist term.
They have reported me because they said the whole song is racist regardless of whether the word is changed.
I was mortified. I said I was ignorant to the whole song being racist. I apologised and have offered to apologise to them in person. I said I appreciated that it wasn't being formally reported as I realise that would be career ending and it was an honest error. My hr director said he'd taken this approach as he knows me. That I'm not racist and he was telling me for my own benefit. That the song is connected with the slave trade in USA.

I went home in tears. I'm totally shaken and scared.

I've since been looking on the internet and am totally confused the rhyme with an animal name seems to be common usage. It's a kids cartoon on you tube. Wiki says it's common for children's rhymes and even a us website said it's taught in schools with the animal word tiger or frog.
So can you say it or not?
(I'm still going to apologise as I think there will be a on awkward tension in the office).

OP posts:
TeaByTheSeaside · 08/11/2018 21:42

Oh FFS! That's totally pathetic! What's wrong with people! This is yet another case of the Professionally Offended!

You were not in the wrong at all, OP.

VioletCharlotte · 08/11/2018 21:42

This sounds like a complete overreaction. When I was growing up your rhyme was 'catch a nipper by his toe' (nipper as in child). I had no idea the whole rhyme was racist.

Original poster
Worried2987 · 08/11/2018 21:43

Hi buddy
It was that they believe the song in any form is racist and that's what upset them. I might speak to HR again and get more detail. It was so out of the blue I couldn't take it all in.
Thank you all for all your comments.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 08/11/2018 21:44

how is referencing someone else saying a rhyme with the n word being racist

so i cant say hitler was a jew killing nazi now

Topseyt · 08/11/2018 21:44

What an overreaction on their part!

If the "n" word isn't used then the rhyme is not racist.

I wonder why they seem to have singled you out and not the others who took part in the discussion. Perhaps they only half heard as you mentioned the "n" word whilst declining to say it. Then jumped to some stupid conclusion.

MrsMaisel · 08/11/2018 21:48

That's such bullshit. You haven't done anything wrong.

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/11/2018 21:49

I'd ask them to clarify that pointing out that someone else is racist/used racist terms is not acceptable, and ask them to clarify that for everyone in the company. See if they realise how they've overreacted about this.

AlpacaLypse · 08/11/2018 21:51

Utterly ridiculous. A great many of the older parent/grandparent generation (like me) learned that song complete with N word, we've virtually all changed it because we've (shock horror) realised it's offensive.

But there's no point in pretending that history didn't happen. Forty years ago is a different time to now. Airbrushing out the racism and sexism of a previous cultural epoch is silly. We all move on from learning from past mistakes. Both as human individuals and as whole societies.

Moussemoose · 08/11/2018 21:54

The song is racist. But if we ban people from discussing racism we ban the discussion of any history!

Total nonsense.

TeenTimesTwo · 08/11/2018 21:55

I think this discussion is interesting in the light of the recent thread regarding whether 'beyond the pale' is an offensive term against the Irish.

If the rhyme was offensive in the original form, then is it offensive now because of its history even though the original offensive word has been removed?

Likewise is 'beyond the pale' offensive even though its origins are totally unknown to most people, and most people take it to mean 'outside the fence'?

I think I'm not qualified to judge being neither Irish nor Black, but I expect I use other expressions of similar backgrounds without realising it.

Honeyspice · 08/11/2018 21:57

OP did you say “n word” or did you say “the n word”. Hope this makes sense lol. If you said the actual word. I can see why they’ve taken offence

Haffiana · 08/11/2018 21:58

You don't get to decide what is racist and your white tears are really not necessary.

And you are both a racist and a bully. Reported.

Topseyt · 08/11/2018 22:00

OP said in her OP that she refused to say the word.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/11/2018 22:01

It sounds to me like someone in your workplace is either a professional whinyarse or has a specific grudge against you. There are people who will blow the tiniest incident out of proportion, either because they are attention-seekers or because they see it as a good chance to get someone else into trouble. Sometimes it's white people intent on dropping other white people in it in order to show off about their own 'woke' specialness.
If you hear any more about this, OP, I suggest a word with your union rep.

Haffiana · 08/11/2018 22:01

Obvs it is now racist to discuss or reference racism. This surely means that racism will disappear, as it cannot be described or commented on?

shirleyschmidt · 08/11/2018 22:03

Also only ever known it as tiger. This is a ludicrous situation, and how awful that two randomers have been allowed so much influence. It must be horrible for you but anyone normal will know you're not in the wrong here - hold your nerve.

Jenny17 · 08/11/2018 22:04

red had a point that all too often white people claim things are not racist or find a black friend who isn't offended. The person being offended gets to decide and it cannot be taken away from them.

Somebody was offended why not just explain what you said and sorry if any offence caused?

I am not of the mind that what you said was racist, as you describe it's not but I wasn't there. However it wasn't really in keeping with office banter in the respect that it could be overheard wrong. Lots of people do causal racism in the office and it's horrible to be on the end of it having to listen to it then being called sensitive when it's called out. Put yourself in their shoes with their experience (in the US black people getting police called on them for driving, going into their flat, sleeping in their dorm at uni etc) and that's why it's even more of an issue.

Justwanttotravel · 08/11/2018 22:06

We sang it with the n word when I was a kid, I wasn’t a racist then or now, it meant nothing to me as a child. My kids sing it with the word baby.

smithsally884 · 08/11/2018 22:06

I am mid 40s and it was always the n word when I was growing up.But of course uou weren't racist

There was a song we learned at infant school called polly wolly doodle that had the n word in too

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/11/2018 22:08

It was N*** when I was a young child but gradually changed to fish. Most people younger than me would never have heard of the original wording. As a child I didn't know what it meant. I think there has been a massive overreaction unless you have the impression that you didn't agree with Jeremy Clarkson getting into trouble.

Alittlebitofthat · 08/11/2018 22:09

Mid 40’s here and it was the n word when I was growing up. Both my kids have been taught it from nursery/school with spider in it. The song itself is not racist in the UK

ohello · 08/11/2018 22:11

wow, they are dumb. And I mean that in a low IQ kind of way. You were commenting on the fact that something is racist, that YOU believed the thing was racist. But merely referring to the racist thing and identifying it as racist, doesn't make you racist.

If that were true, then how do these idiots expect black people to identify or discuss or combat racism??? How do they expect women to identify sexism??? Examples have to be given, and deconstructed, which is what you did. According to them, nobody is allowed to discuss why something is racist!

Frankly, this kind of thing is a pet peeve of mine. Those idiots are just seriously dumb, as in, need assistance to get dressed every morning.

OlennasWimple · 08/11/2018 22:13

I'm mid 40s and it was the N word for us too (and in Polly Wolly Doodle)

Moussemoose · 08/11/2018 22:16

TeenTimes I thought of the other thread as well.

The point is do you respond to what people think is racist. The OP was not being racist she was discussing racism and using a example to elucidate.

If that is offensive then all teaching of history must stop now. If you can't explain how racism manifested itself in the past then you can't teach about it.

The facts of what was actually said become irrelevant if someone feelz it was racist or offensive - even if it wasn't - then it is. This is what has happened here.

Eliza9917 · 08/11/2018 22:23

I'm my primary school we sang 'catch a baby by the toe' and there was never any reference to racism, to us this song is not racist and I'd be fucked if I let someone tell me it is. It's just a silly playground song.