Single parent about to drop out of work-gutted and frightened

[Steakandkidney]

Hi as title suggests.
I'm really low about this.
My exH left when I was 3 months pregnant with DC4.
I had just finished my degree.
I was on benefits during the pregnancy then when the baby was 2 months old was offered a lovely job which I took (had awful PND-still do). I then had to take unpaid leave due to caring commitments of disabled son. During this time I was on income support, I still got carers allowance, housing benefit, council tax benefit and child tax credits. I was stable and able to care for the kids properly.
I went back in October. I have lost my income support, council tax and housing benefit, and carers allowance, all of which have closed. My wages are 614 pounds a month (think apprenticeship type role).

An expectation is now that I have to do evening work. I love the job, there's room for progression but I have no contact with ExH and no family. I have a 16 year old who babysits but no one to properly look after them. My DM is toxic and I recently went NC because I couldn't take it, I can imagine her sneering at me having to quit.
Basically, I'm going to have to quit aren't I. To go back on benefits on half the money I was on before because it will mean UC, I wish I'd not bothered going back but I love my job. The thought of being on benefits with nothing to do makes me want to cry. I'm clever and great at what I do, and I'm going to be trapped doing nothing because there is no proper childcare available. I'm such an idiot.
Is there any future here, what do I do?
I have always been of the 'where there's a will' school of thought but have come to realise that as a woman with children, it's bollocks.
TIA.

Some great advice on here
Do check it out . I have so much empathy . If there is a way to stay working - explore . And if you truly do have to give up keep your hand in . As your kids won’t be this small forever

By that I mean I’d truly there are no options
Do some volunteering and stay in the sectorn so you can rejoin . Hang tight - it won’t always be this hard I hope x

So people who stopped having kids get punished by being chucked on UC? Wow. UC is a shower of shite.

I do volunteer.
I hope it won't either fuck.
I have a degree and a Masters, first class then distinction. I'm grade 8 instrument and fluent in another language. And I can't fucking hold down a 600 a month job. PND/divorce has floored me, meds made me gain 3 stone. I'm old, tired and invisible.
The problem with babysitter is

1. I need the kids to feel safe in their home after the DV and they are nervous of anyone other than me.
2. She is 16 and can't work late enough-work in a city an hour away and will need to be working until 1ish.

I'm trying to tell myself I'm lucky to have the opportunity to stay at home for now, and it will get easier when the youngest is in school. I'm so appreciative of this thread, I had no idea about the UC and 3 or more children.

Go and see Welfare Rights or Citizens advice. Get your applications in for Working Tax Credit, Housing Benefit and Council Tax Support in asap.
Don't throw in the towel just yet, it might not be as bleak as you think.
Good luck OP and hang in there

No advice to add except good luck with it all, you are obviously a highly intelligent and resourceful woman to be managing life when it’s been so hard and I really hope things get better for you soon.

don't I am not sure about that but I hope you will appreciate I am just trying to do the best by my children. I don't think anyone should be penalised by having less children. But given my qualifications I am capable of earning enough to keep them, I just lack the resources and childcare available both down to social isolation, no support and my son's health.

Try the site entitledto to see what you can get working and not working. I’m not sure your claiming everything your entitled to

Hi steakandkidney looks like you've got loads of skills and qualifications. Stay around and you'll get good support here.
Could you use your music and language skills for tutoring/teaching on a more flexible basis?

I fully empathise :( sort of feels like the last of your independence and everything you worked so hard for has gone out the window.

I had to quit my job with just two children so I fully appreciate how tough it is x

Thank you. Not sure about teaching as I'm rusty on those things.

Exactly that bugs I could cry. All been for nothing.
I've got no pension either.

Steak it sounds like I have a similar background (albeit two kids less).

My youngest has just started his 2 year old 15 hours so have started volunteering until i can return to work.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Op - citizens advice has a list of what to take along if you would like a benefit check. You can also search for your local cab and find out about opening times/whether there is a drop in or appointments.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/how-we-provide-advice/what-to-bring-on-your-local-citizens-advice-visit/

Are you not still receiving tax credits? You get those even when working and will be topped up if your sons getting dla

How long do you need to be in the low income role? Are you working quickly towards a promotion etc or is it likely to take years? I’m so sorry you’re in such a touch situation x

I assume some of your children are at school, could you talk to them? Would they be supportive?

I say this because I recently had a situation where our family breadwinner was unable to work and we got in touch with the school. They were brilliant and really, really supportive. They also have lots of local connections and might be able to put you in touch with childminders prepared to do anti social hours etc.

An expectation is now that I have to do evening work
Is this the reason you need to quit? If so, talk to ACAS tomorrow.

The evening work and the financial loss are the reasons Upstart.
I have pushed through everything in my life, worked many hours, nights, done a demanding degree and worked along side it. My masters was in a different city, I was awake full nights to do it.
On your own it is different and no matter how I try and make this work, I won't be able to do it. That is hard as I am like a dog with a bone in terms of effort, but I really cannot make my children sacrifice money, stability and being with unknown babysitters in a home where they were terrified of their dad and which only just feels safe.
I think I have my answer, I have got in touch with welfare advice this morning and they have reiterated the information I have been given here about the old benefits and having four children.
I think I would be very unwise to risk our stability in this situation. The thought of leaving is making me cry but the of my pure fear of my children not having food and shelter is worse. My kids were born into a marriage, I haven't been irresponsible. I have tried my best at every point but this just isn't feasible anymore.
Thanks for your advice. Life as a woman is totally unfair and we are at such a disadvantage. In the meantime the ex has swanned away and started a new life without a second glance or consequences for what he's done.

Crazy the low income role is for 4 years, and I will have to do nights for 2. And even then I may not get a permanent job. It isn't related to the vocational aspect of my degree but the academic part. So I would lose my skillset vocationally which is what I trained to do.
My profession means I'd walk into a 25000 job tomorrow, at least, if only I had the childcare. So I may focus on keeping up to date with that in a voluntary capacity, in order to keep doors open in the future.
The system is set up for people to fail. How is this beneficial for the country, when someone with much to offer cannot even find a feasible job?

Sorry if I've missed it, but have you talked to your employer? They're getting a very well-qualified person very cheap, so it might be in their interests to create some flexibility for you.

I'm sending the email now. Maybe they will be able to be flexible. They've been so supportive of my time out to date.
I just feel I've got no future at all, other than caring for my kids. This was the only thing I had for me.

Worth a shot, Steak. You have a lot to offer your employer.

Well I just sent the email. I feel quite relieved.
I used to have fight. After the last three years and a diagnosis of PPP then bipolar I really just don't have much energy left.
I'm only 37 and feel 100.

Is there any kind of future out there, has anyone else found a career having stayed at home with their children (something I know I'm incredibly lucky to be able to do btw, I'm upset but not ungrateful).

Does your dd go to nursery? Can you get one of the nursery staff to babysit?