MIL pressurising me already about GC

[Anothernameanotherday]

I'm really struggling with my MIL atm. We have never really got on (huge backstory of me not being good enough for her son and then stealing him as he moved 4 hours away to be with me).

This year I've had a mc at 13 weeks and then an early one. I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant. We had a scan last week and all looked well so have told my parents and dh parents. MIL was very excited but as she knows about my previous mc promised she would not tell our news to anyone at this stage.

Today I've had four texts from various in laws congratulating us. 🙁 dh is not happy as he is as anxious as I am and when he rang mil she said she had just let it slip. She then text me saying she is just so excited for baby that she told a few people. I'm worried there won't be a baby and don't want a lot of people knowing our business.

I replied saying I felt a bit hurt she had told people as she knows how badly the mc at 13 weeks was. She then basically said I was being silly and that she was looking forward to the birth (implying she will be there) and that she has already looked at retiring so she can come move up north to help us.

:-(
I'm anxious enough, I don't want to be dealing with all this. I'm seeing this as a week by week thing. So my goal is to reach 10 weeks the 11 then 12 etc.

The plan that worked well for us was to have our parents visit the day after the birth, while I was still in hospital, as that put some restrictions on how long anyone could stay. I knew I'd still be in as was planned section but I still think this works well as it's quick enough not to get them too riled, but early enough to say 'we want to be left to get on with things for now and not have visitors staying just yet'.

if I don't reply she tends to ring me and cry that I've ignored her
I'd have thought you would have already set strong boundaries re mil given her attitude towards you.
Instead you let her pull you in to her games, tolerate her bad behaviour and then give her more ammunition.

DH is terrible with communicating with his family, I often have to remind him to text his dad back etc
He chooses not to communicate with them regularly, so why are you encouraging him to ignore his personal boundaries?
His family communication and contact is his responsibility and he obviously wants to limit their toxic interference in his life.

Forgive her, she's excited. Should have kept it secret but it's a big secret to keep!

You don't need to tell her when you go in to labour. You can just wait until after and then call her. She can always come and visit in hospital after the birth.

I ruined the lives of every one of my ILs! I was not an innocent little girlie who was moving direct from my parents' home to dh's never having been independent; further, I was well read, educated and had opinions (shock horror), and didn't see why I should do all the chores, thus ruining dh's life too. Heaven knows how we remained married!

Actually, we stayed married because we moved as far away from them as I could persuade to go, only 150 miles, and not abroad, but it helped.

She's going to have to stop expecting you to answer when she calls though, as you're going to need more rest and you'll be a lot busier. Start making dh call her back as often as you can, and he can say "no, she's resting" a lot.

I've found the best way to control visitors (outside of birth partners) is to only tell people about the birth when your happy to see them.

Just because you have the baby on say Monday doesn't mean you have to tel them the same day.

Be careful about changing the date backwards, I did that by almost a month, to stop my folks worrying as we were abroad and I can't stand fuss. In the event she came four weeks before the real date, just a dates mess up!
Good luck, though why anyone wants their mother there is beyond me, it was bad enough with OH there, I now think only the essential people need be there!