Have switched off location sharing with dad while DS is with me

[Florencerex]

I have discovered that the phone my ds uses (funded by his dad) is constantly sharing its location with dad via google maps. Ds is with me 4 days this week so I’ve switched off sharing with dad and it’s sharing with me now. Am feeling pretty annoyed that potentially my movements have been being tracked since we separated. Asked one friend and she thought it was fine that dad should know where the phone is as he’s paying for it but I feel we have potentially been under surveillance. I’m happy to switch it back to dad once he goes to stay there in a few days. Aibu to switch off the sharing?

If we were a normal happy family this would not be an issue but we are not so it is a problem for me.

I think its creepy and I wouldn't be happy about it. I'd tell dad that while your son is with him he can have the location tracking tuned to him but while hes with you it's going off. That way you can both monitor/look out for your son as a team. Raise it as a safeguarding issue rather than a control one otherwise he might get overly defensive. If you have a good reasoning he has less to argue with.

Q

Whenever anyone loses a phone the immediate response on here is to tell people to use the find my phone function which implies to me that most people's default is to have the location finding feature turned on. Is this the same thing that you are concerned about?

There's no clear answer imo, if I'd paid for an expensive phone for a still fairly young child I'd probably want to be able to track it if it was lost, I'm not sure what an acceptable compromise would be.

@PattiStanger I’m not saying turn the location finder off. I’m saying swap it to me on my days

We don't use any trackers on our phones (probably because only one of us has constant data!) but from what you've said on here I don't see the problem.

I think your feelings for your ex are clouding the issue a bit here. He's not tracking you.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with tracking your movements with your DS on purpose. If it’s an android phone, the location will be turned on by default. Because your ex is paying the bill, he will probably have used his gmail account to set up the phone which is why it’s sharing with his account automatically. So chances are there’s nothing sinister about it.

This is exactly why dd can't take her phone to her dad's. Her dad's a stalker and wouldn't want him tracking me via her phone.

Is it the find my iPhone ap?
My DSS has this on his phone.... we can use it if he loses his phone?

For those who are confused

• you can share your location with someone else and they can see where you currently are by looking at Google Maps. You are in control of this and can turn it off at any time. Your history cannot be seen.

• location sharing is not to do with finding the phone if it's stolen or lost. On Android you'd use "Find my device" for that, you need to have the password for one of the Google accounts on the phone. The phone will get a notification saying it's been located

• Your time line or location history is only accessible to you. If someone else has access to your account, they can see it by logging in as you.

I think generally it is reasonable for parents to have tracking enabled on their children’s phones.

If it is a big problem for you due to previous things, would you be able to fund a separate phone for your ds to use when he is with you?

And yes, I think you've done the right thing to transfer it to you when your son is with you, why would your ex need to know where he is?

If it’s an android phone, the location will be turned on by default

Slightly OT but is this right? I have my location switched off unless I'm using the map for some reason, are you saying that someone can still track where I am? I know when I got the phone the location switch was in the off position, is this actually a con then and it's really switched on?

I'm confused now

He's not tracking you, he's tracking his son.

My son is on find friends with me. He takes his phone to his dads. So what?
I rarely even look at it, only do when I wonder why he's late home from school and where he is.

My exH uses any information he can get about our movements to question DD during contact about what I'm doing, who I'm spending time with, what I'm spending etc. It's none of his business and upsets DD. You can't make sweeping generalisations about someone's motivation or how they'll use this sorts of phone functionality, the OP knows her situation best and whether it's appropriate or not.

He's not tracking you, he's tracking his son

His son is with his mum during her contact time and under her supervision - he doesn't need tracking by his dad.
Having bought the phone for his son doesn't entitle him to do this during mum's contact time either.

Thank goodness some of you get it. Thanks @HeebieJeebies456

@PattiStanger - nobody else can see your location (apart from Google...) unless you explicitly share it with them - you can't do this accidentally and, if you do turn it on, you will get regular emails to remind you that you still have it on.

If someone else knows your Google or Apple password, then they might log in as you and be able to see where you are that way. If you suspect this is the case, change your password and revoke all current logins.

It's perfectly fine to swap it to you because you're the one responsible for him. If he's late home from school on your day, YOU need to know where he is. That's the some answer you can give EX if he asks.

However it's possible he put it on to do just that and didn't think to tell you because he didn't think to rather than because he's being a prat

It is reassuring to know where your kids are when they are not with you OP - he is not tracking YOU. (if he actually IS)

If you want to cause drama /anxiety, where none is viable, then crack on, turn it off

But it seems you have something to hide. Unless you are planning to take him out of the country etc, i dont see the drama that is being created here at all

@AiryFairyUnicornRainbow

Omg you have no idea. It's totally creepy and controlling!

Tbh I find it a bit creepy and controlling within the bounds of a normal relationship!! There's a lot of kids/people that will leave there phone behind so they don't get caught going somewhere they shouldn't which is really not what you want.