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AIBU?

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Original poster

Have switched off location sharing with dad while DS is with me

73 replies

Florencerex · 08/11/2018 05:15

I have discovered that the phone my ds uses (funded by his dad) is constantly sharing its location with dad via google maps. Ds is with me 4 days this week so I’ve switched off sharing with dad and it’s sharing with me now. Am feeling pretty annoyed that potentially my movements have been being tracked since we separated. Asked one friend and she thought it was fine that dad should know where the phone is as he’s paying for it but I feel we have potentially been under surveillance. I’m happy to switch it back to dad once he goes to stay there in a few days. Aibu to switch off the sharing?

OP posts:
NameChanger365 · 08/11/2018 06:57

Without more of a back story I don’t think this is an issue. Your ds already knew about it, so it doesn’t sound like it’s something your ex is secretly trying to track your movements otherwise he wouldn’t have told your ds.

Your ds is the one actually being ‘tracked’ (which probably actually means only that the location is checked if the phone is lost or your ds hasn’t got home when he’s supposed to or similar).

I’d guess (unless there’s reason to think otherwise) that it’s just something your ex set up as a safety feature and never gave another moments thought to. (As all the responses on here have indicated, it’s pretty standard to have it on your child’s phone)

So I think you’re being unreasonable to be annoyed by it and accuse him of tracking your movements. But at the same time I don’t think yabu to have his phone sharing the location just with whoever has parental responsibility at a particular time.

Now you’ve switched it off whilst he’s with you you’d probably soon find out if he does ever check it whilst your son is with you by whether he’s even aware that you’ve switched it off.

LilMy33 · 08/11/2018 07:04

Absolutely YANBU I wouldn’t want my ex being able to track me.

RavenWings · 08/11/2018 07:08

Taking this at face value, I think you're being a bit of a child about it. However, if you're happy to pay for the replacement if it's lost and can't be found then crack on and get it turned off.

Weebitawks · 08/11/2018 07:11

It’s quite common for parents to set the location sharing up on their children’s phone. I don’t know the back story, but it doesn’t sound on the face of it like he’s trying to follow you. Has he said anything since you switched it to you? If not then he hasn’t noticed because he’s not tracking you

blueskiesandforests · 08/11/2018 07:15

Florence yanbu in switching the location sharing to you while he's with you if it makes you feel watched. As other posters say it's legitimate to track the phone of a child but also utterly reasonable that the parent in charge of the child has the share connection on their days.

As long as you remember to do it and tell his dad that's what's happening he would be unreasonable to object. Hopefully it simply didn't occur to your ex to mention the tracking rather than it being a deliberate omission.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 08/11/2018 07:19

With no backstory, I'm just going to go from the OP.

He has put tracking on, presumably to know where your ds is for safety. He probably hasn't thought about telling you as it just seems to be something people do now. He probably isn't tracking it when he is with you.
You have now changed it so the location shares to you, this is also fine, however, are you going to remember every single time to switch it back? Probably not. Your ds didn't even tell you in the first place as he probably just forgot about it.
Best thing would be to switch it on for both parents. Switching it on and off every visit just sounds like a total ball ache that will never happen in reality.

Again, this is just off the op.

OliviaStabler · 08/11/2018 07:22

YABU. Nothing wrong with wanting to know where your child is. Peace of mind.

Anyway, your ds likely tells your Dad all the things you've done in your time together; cinema, pizza and movie night, bowling etc.
If he'd tried to install a tracking app on your phone, that would be totally different.

buckeejit · 08/11/2018 07:22

If no history I wouldn't be suspicious. His dad hasn't done anything wrong but if easy enough to change who info is shared with constantly then do that & let him know

TheDodgyDunnyOfDoom · 08/11/2018 07:23

I wouldn't let this bother me.

If my ex was a twat and knew where I was when I was having my lovely life of freedom away from his oppressive ghastliness I would not give one shit! I would have a bit of fun with it actually.

brizzledrizzle · 08/11/2018 07:25

Just get your DS to leave the phone at home when he's with you or switch it off when you are out together.

Collaborate · 08/11/2018 07:28

I have the same connection with my daughter's (and wife's) phone. Nothing nefarious about it. we can all see where the others are. I don't want my daughter losing an expensive phone.

Not unreasonable of you to swap it over to your phone, though make sure you're not sharing your location with your son's phone as presumably your ex will be able to switch it back. You see, it's not so dodgy sounding when it's the other way round.

I thought anyway that you could only share location with whoever was part of your family sharing group?

cushioncuddle · 08/11/2018 07:29

There is nothing wrong with switching it over to you.
I think the issue is how you approach it with dad.

It may be on and he hasn't given it a second thought.
It may be on and he's looking at it

If you've switched it off and he's not mentioned it then he's not checking up on you.

Just say I've switched it to my phone while he's with me , just makes sense.

GreenEggsHamandChips · 08/11/2018 07:29

YADNBU, it's creepy!!!

Put the phone funded by ex in a box in DS room while he's with you. Buy him a phone for use with you.

likeridingabike · 08/11/2018 07:38

I have tracking on DDs phone and she can track mine, I would not be happy with my exH having tracking on DDs phone, it is essentially giving him access to track both of you a lot of the time, days out, holidays just going shopping etc.

bimbobaggins · 08/11/2018 07:43

I would just switch it off when he’s with you, or switch it to sharing with you.
I wouldn’t even bother mentioning it to him. Leave it and see if he brings it up when you do it

RedSkyLastNight · 08/11/2018 07:43

Hmm. I expect if roles were reversed and OP had posted that she'd put location tracking on her DS's phone in case he lost it /she went awol, but ex was making a fuss about it, there would be a chorus of people saying that he clearly had something to hide.

And, as others have said, he's not tracking you - he's tracking DS. Unless you're both at home, how much time do you really spend together?

Nenic · 08/11/2018 07:44

Phone tracking isn’t really about tracking the person, it’s the phone. It can get lost or stolen. I’ve had to use it a couple of times. That’s what it was designed for in the first place

Quartz2208 · 08/11/2018 07:48

The owner of the phone knew though - it was with your sons consent and approval

Pruy · 08/11/2018 07:59

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Collaborate · 08/11/2018 08:00

@likeridingabike Are you aware of the double standards/hypocrisy in your position?

WowCrabby · 08/11/2018 08:12

I think it's normal to have location sharing turned in for young teens. This wouldn't bother me and I don't think it's creepy.

likeridingabike · 08/11/2018 08:19

Collaborate you are perhaps making an assumption that my DD spends a lot time with her father, stays at his house etc. in fact she lives with me full time and sees him briefly and occasionally, therefore I need to know where she is for her safety and he doesn't, why would I therefore give him access to track both of us? If she lived between us 50/50 and I refused to let him track her then you could call my a hypocrite.

Annechristmas · 08/11/2018 09:38

I wouldn't like this as it's one sided. If I were you I'd set it up so both of you can track his phone and then see what your ex's reaction is.

Mookatron · 08/11/2018 09:43

Yanbu to switch it off. At all.

Has anyone seen that episode of black mirror...? I don't agree with tracking children's phones anyway tbh. However my oldest is 10 and I guess I might change my mind in a few years. I hope I don't though, I actually think kids are entitled to a bit of privacy too.

BrieAndChilli · 08/11/2018 09:44

I think that your history with your Ex is making you feel emotional about this.
I would say that pretty much everyone tracks thier children on phones and that it wouldn’t be an issue for seperated parents who have an amicable split.
We all share our location and DS can see where we are too. (Handy if he’s at home and wants to see where I am if he’s forgotten I’m going to be late home etc)
Me and DH can also see each other and use it to see if I should serve up his tea or wait if he’s stuck in traffic etc. But I can see in an unhealthy relationship such as with an ex it would be a different story.