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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday with friends

52 replies

ClickyJoints · 07/11/2018 23:20

I tend to go abroad for the whole summer holiday with my dc (it's cheaper to get flights and villa to somewhere far away rather than have a week in spain)

This year one of my friends has asked to come with us. On the positive side she is lovely and her DD and my DD play really well together - they are the same age. However her DD is an only child and during play dates there's always some kind of issue between her DD and my younger ds. I'm a bit worried about them staying in the same house for a whole month!

We usually get a beach villa with a private pool and spend our days alternating between the pool/beach. DD loves the water, it turns out my friend can't swim, would be too worried about about her ds getting swept away by the sea to allow him in it, and she wants a shallow small pool only . I can see where her worries come from but equally my dc love the beach, and DD spends most of her holiday diving things up from the deep end. Her DD has had a couple of swimming lessons at school and can now manage a width but is nowhere near as strong as swimmer as my dd.

I'm now having slight doubts about them joining us - we've found a holiday formula that works brilliantly for our family and I'm so reluctant to change it and I might end up resenting the lack of beach time/dapper pool. But id feel really mean by uninviting her,or refusing to budge on our criteria.

Wibu to keep my holiday the same for my dc and make her suck it up, or should I comprise and go for something that meets her wishes?

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 07/11/2018 23:22

You do what you do if she wants to join on the same basis lovely, just make sure you have options with just your DCs and dint need to be joint at the hip. If she wants something different she can rent her own place nearby.

JaiNotJay · 07/11/2018 23:25

I wouldn't go on holiday with anyone other than family for a month, no matter how good a friend they were. It sounds as though the issues between her DD and your DS and the swimming thing would start to cause problems after a while.
If you can't uninvite her completely, could she just join you for a week or something? That way you still get time to relax with your own kids and enjoy your usual style of holiday.

LockedOutOfMN · 07/11/2018 23:26

Separate villas, or have her come for just a week. The pool thing would be a deal-breaker for me. Can her DC not have swimming lessons for the next 7 or 8 months to get more confidence and experience in the water? If not, I wouldn't have the child in or near your private pool if it is deep. Too much risk.

avamiah · 07/11/2018 23:32

Just have them visit you for a week or less .

7yo7yo · 08/11/2018 00:33

God no!
It sounds like a recipe for disaster! Tell her it’s your family time and while you don’t mind occasional day trips etc you need that time as a family.

Whereismumhiding2 · 08/11/2018 00:36

Ugh no. A holiday with your DC should be relaxing, you & your DC enjoy it how it is and it isn't you that has decided to change a winning formula!

You're already saying that you don't find your DFriend's DD relaxing to be around for short playdates, why would you think a month would be any different? Go with your gut feeling!

Whilst it might work out fine and be brilliant (!) and bring you closer, it could equally be awful and ruin your holiday for DD, DS and you , and wreck your friendship!

(Much as I adore my BFF and adore her DC, I would never go on a month's holiday with her,even with built in breaks! Some people enjoy holidays with friends as more the merrier , but some not. ) (Betting there'll be a big full house if someone saying that and.. some version of she's your friend you ought to expand your experience..)

Since your reaction is 'uhoh..... noooo', I'd bite the bullet for sake of your enduring friendship and say 'That's a lovely idea but no sweetie, we like our holidays just us, our little family, let's do a weekend away instead sometime local (....but you can't come in our holiday)' And I'd just keep saying no (please don't ask again)

I suspect your Dfriend is impressed by your wonderful holiday stories, a bit nervous trying a holiday like yours, at a loose end, so maybe offer to help her to book her own holiday instead at a different time/ different place.... But please don't let her gatecrash yours!!!

drinkygin · 08/11/2018 00:36

No. Even if she wanted the exact same holiday as you, a month would be too long. You’d be sacrificing some of your kids enjoyment for your friend which I don’t think is fair. Maybe compromise and invite her for a week but in your own terms? Don’t change your holiday for her.

Whereismumhiding2 · 08/11/2018 00:39

I meant to type

*Betting there'll be a BINGO full house of a few PPs saying 'the more the merrier' 'adjust your holiday' ...and... some version of 'she's your friend you ought to expand your experience'..) ...

Gonna wait and see... Grin

Whereismumhiding2 · 08/11/2018 00:44

Just realised you seem to have agreed somehow. And now face uninviting her. Can you just be honest and say, that you didn't have time to think when she asked but really it's not what you want for your one big family holiday and ' how about we do a short weekend trip instead?' (local)...

HippoLatte · 08/11/2018 01:15

Fuck no to holidaying with a friend for a month! I love my best friend immensely but no way could I enjoy a month of being together 24/7 with kids involved.

A week, yes. Any longer? No chance.

Notnowok · 08/11/2018 05:07

As your friend is already causing issues and asking for changes which would upset your own dc it won't work. Your children love the sea and swimming while her dd can't swim well enough and she doesn't swim big problems. Your dc will get really upset that the best thing about their holiday is being taken away and resent your friend and her dd which would be completely understandable. Why on earth should your children miss out because she doesn't swim?
She asked to join you which means she joins the way you holiday not demand you change to suit her. Your children are not going to be happy so don't do it to them

trojanpony · 08/11/2018 07:22

No no no.
This has disaster written all over it.

One week max (invent family members staying for the other 3) or insist they get their own villa.

Don’t compromise and don’t flex. Smile and be nice but book your own thing.

Drogosnextwife · 08/11/2018 07:29

We usually get a beach villa with a private pool and spend our days alternating between the pool/beach. DD loves the water, it turns out my friend can't swim, would be too worried about about her ds getting swept away by the sea to allow him in it, and she wants a shallow small pool only

I don't understand this part, I thought her DD was an it child? Where did a ds come from?

Drogosnextwife · 08/11/2018 07:32

I'm guessing you have already booked this so it would mean cancelling on your friend. If you do that I think she's going to be quite pissed off.

curlii103 · 08/11/2018 07:33

I wouldn't compromise given its her asking to join rather than you booking a joint holiday. Can I miss the point entirely and get some travel advice this sounds like a fab idea where do I book these villas!???

pinkdelight · 08/11/2018 07:33

It's your holiday ffs - of course you have to do it your way. You must uninvite her in the nicest possible way. I can hear your pussyfooting but it's only gonna cause problems down the line so be unequivocal. "It was a lovely idea, but on reflection, we just want to have a family holiday together." There are so many reasons why it's not gonna work out you don't have to go into them or be rude but you really do have to decide and be firm so there's no 'slightly' backsliding etc. If she's pushy enough to start dictating what pool you're allowed, you need for this not to happen.

PBobs · 08/11/2018 07:39

Yeah - I wouldn't go on holiday with her either.

On a side note, I'm not sure what her DD being an only child has to do with any of the story. Although you seem to be suggesting that this might explain her inability to get on with your DS. Seems odd.

lola006 · 08/11/2018 07:41

Don’t do it! And I say this as someone who did holiday with friends this past summer. You need to figure out what your non-negotiables are for your holiday, she can too, and then you sort a villa. Compromises can be made but over something big like a pool? I would regret compromising on that.

I’m confused though, OP. You say friend asked to join, but WIBU to uninvite. Did you invite her? Or are you at a point where you can say ‘sorry, it won’t work out’ ?

llangennith · 08/11/2018 07:45

OP you don't have to uninvited he but do refuse to budge on your criteria. That way she can take it or leave it. Explain that this is what works for you and it would change the holiday entirely if you couldn't have a proper pool etc.

ChasedByBees · 08/11/2018 07:54

I wouldn’t compromise on the pool. It will make your holiday less fun for you all.

Sicario · 08/11/2018 07:56

Don't do it. Do whatever you can do undo this invitation. It never ends well and it will ruin your holiday. Stick to your tried and tested formula and have a wonderful holiday WITHOUT the friend and her child. If they are stuck for a holiday idea, point them towards the nearest travel agent...

AGHHHH · 08/11/2018 07:57

Your friend's "only child" DD but then you goes on to mention her DS... can you clarify?

Either way yanbu. Fuck that.

AGHHHH · 08/11/2018 07:57

Go on*

Charley50 · 08/11/2018 08:01

Where do yo go?!

Charley50 · 08/11/2018 08:01

And no I don't think you should change your set up for your friend either.