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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Summer holiday with friends

52 replies

ClickyJoints · 07/11/2018 23:20

I tend to go abroad for the whole summer holiday with my dc (it's cheaper to get flights and villa to somewhere far away rather than have a week in spain)

This year one of my friends has asked to come with us. On the positive side she is lovely and her DD and my DD play really well together - they are the same age. However her DD is an only child and during play dates there's always some kind of issue between her DD and my younger ds. I'm a bit worried about them staying in the same house for a whole month!

We usually get a beach villa with a private pool and spend our days alternating between the pool/beach. DD loves the water, it turns out my friend can't swim, would be too worried about about her ds getting swept away by the sea to allow him in it, and she wants a shallow small pool only . I can see where her worries come from but equally my dc love the beach, and DD spends most of her holiday diving things up from the deep end. Her DD has had a couple of swimming lessons at school and can now manage a width but is nowhere near as strong as swimmer as my dd.

I'm now having slight doubts about them joining us - we've found a holiday formula that works brilliantly for our family and I'm so reluctant to change it and I might end up resenting the lack of beach time/dapper pool. But id feel really mean by uninviting her,or refusing to budge on our criteria.

Wibu to keep my holiday the same for my dc and make her suck it up, or should I comprise and go for something that meets her wishes?

OP posts:

VenusInSpurs · 08/11/2018 08:05

“On a side note, I'm not sure what her DD being an only child has to do with any of the story. “

I think because she doesn’t have a sibling the same age as the OP’s younger child it becomes a group
Of 3. In this situation tne older two often leave the younger out, where siblings would normally —bicker— play together.

Returnofthesmileybar · 08/11/2018 08:11

This had disaster written all over it!!

On the bright side, it's only November so if you actually now other won't put her under pressure.

Just tell her you've had a rethink, you love your holidays, it centres around water, the sea and the deep pool, you aren't willing to compromise at all on it but you understand why she wouldn't be able to relax around deep pool, be honest and say look on reflection a month sounds a very long time with anyone to holiday, especially for the first time. If she wants to come for a week, or book a different Villa find but you are ploughing on as usual with the type of place you'd usually book

barleyreed · 08/11/2018 09:47

Personally I would be tempted to keep your formula, it works so well for you and I suspect if wouldn't be the same with friends to consider? Out of interest, I would love to know where you can get all that amazing holiday at less of the cost of a week in Spain?! If you would divulge please feel free to PM me! Thanks :)

PurpleCrazyHorse · 08/11/2018 10:23

It would be different if she was asking for a pool with a fence (because her kids don't swim) but to say only a shallow pool, no beach etc, it's never going to work.

She's asked to join you on your holiday, so I'd clearly state what you're doing, she can join you for a week or not, or book her own villa nearby. We holiday with friends every few years, we get on great, but we still wouldn't holiday with them for a month. If we did have to, we would hire our own car and ensure we did our own things too, not just for us but to give them some space too.

happypoobum · 08/11/2018 10:36

YANBU, I would never agree to this. The idea of going on holiday with another family is bloody horrifying and I have only heard bleak reports of "never again" from friends who have done this!

Not sure how you uninvite her though!

Maybe suggesting she books her own villa, suitable for her family's needs will put her off, or at the very least will give you breathing space?

Oldbutstillgotit · 08/11/2018 10:42

OP- is your friend offering to split the cost ?

Butterymuffin · 08/11/2018 10:48

you don't have to uninvited her but do refuse to budge on your criteria

This. It's your family holiday, you're not obliged to change your favourite bits for someone else.

Ragwort · 08/11/2018 10:49

Sounds an absolute disaster, you need to find a way of getting out of it or at the very least making it absolutely clear that your holiday involves lots of water activities and you are not going to change your plans. Would you be sharing accommodation? I can think of nothing worse than sharing a holiday with another family, it nearly always results in tension. I have spent a weekend away with my dearest friend & our DC, I’ve known her since nursery school (we are now late 50s ) but it just didn’t work out, we’ve just avoided going away with children since but still maintained our friendship.

badirene · 08/11/2018 10:51

Seems to have disaster written all over it OP. If your friend doesn't swim and her DD is just learning who do you think will be watching all three of the kids play in the water, you are setting yourself up as a holiday nanny to her DD.

She asked to join your family but now wants to dictate the kind of holiday your family has, she may be lovely and her dd plays well with your dd, but that is on home turf with an end time in sight on these meet ups and play dates, a month together is a whole other thing.

Nanny0gg · 08/11/2018 10:53

It's not the friend's DS, it's the OP's.

And if the guest is an only child there is a good chance the DS will be left out as the two girls will play together.

I think you'll have to explain that you have this sort of holiday every year and if your friend isn't happy with the arrangements then you're not sure what else to suggest (that she doesn't come!). Or perhaps just come for a week.?

Snog · 08/11/2018 11:01

Liking your style OP. What countries do you go to that are cheaper than a week in Spain?

juneau · 08/11/2018 11:11

I can't believe she wants to gatecrash your holiday and now setting the terms of what you hire! Hire whatever you normally would, wherever you want. If she wants to come (and you want to invite her!), then she'll have to decide whether the place you've hired is right for her and her DC. But don't change your holiday to suit her - she sounds like an entitled PITA, tbh, and I'm not sure that having her and her DC there for a month is going to be much of a holiday for you. I suspect her demands are going to make it extremely long month. My experience of holidaying with others (even family), is that a week is plenty!

boomshacka · 08/11/2018 11:21

I want to know where this beachside villa is that's cheaper for a month than a week in Spain! 🤔

SandAndSea · 08/11/2018 12:00

Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. How about messaging her, "Hi df! Been thinking about the holiday and we'd like to keep to our usual plan as it works so well for us as a family. Maybe you could rent your own villa nearby? Speak soon, OP xx"

dontalltalkatonce · 08/11/2018 12:12

Who are all these wet people? She gatecrashed your holiday and you just took it lying down and now you're being wishy washy about 'uninviting' her? It's November. Just tell her, 'Had a rethink, it's not going to work going on holiday together, we're going to stick to our usual plan.' You'd have to be on drugs to go on holiday for a month with this person.

Copperbonnet · 08/11/2018 12:22

Not in a million years.

I live in a hot state in the USA with a pool. We’ve had lots of friends come from the U.K. to visit.

Even our loveliest friends we’ve mostly been thrilled to wave off from the airport after 2 weeks - we’d never survive a month.

Ones whose kids can’t cope with our (large, deep) pool are a pain in the neck, complaining and whining. My kids have to do a lot of compromising and biting their tongues.

We’ve also had issues with (some) only children not able to understand that they don’t always get to decide on the activity/game/food choice as they usually do with their parents. We’ve had problems with the parents understanding this too.

Room sharing has also been a problem.

A month is madness.

Original poster

ClickyJoints · 08/11/2018 12:38

Okay then, I am seeing her tomorrow and I'll explain that we really want to do our usual thing but understand if she has second thoughts about joining us and completely understand if she can't risk her or her DD due to swimming issues.

For all the people asking where is cheaper than a villa in Spain for a week - you go onto Skyscanner type in your dates and click 'search everywhere'. That way flights all over the world pop up and you pick a country that's cheap (under £450pp x3 of us is around £1300) to fly to you may have to play around with dates a bit and then go onto a villa rental website like holiday lettings or homeaway and find a somewhere you like. In Asia there are loads of good villas on the beach that are an absolute bargain, same with Mexico/ South America - our maximum spend on a 2 bed villa was £1600ish, but we got a month in Mexico for £900 this year. Then food is cheaper out there, I spend less on entertaining the kids as they are happy with the pool/beach combo so actually spending money is really low throughout the month even though we tend to eat dinner out most days. Hope that explains it a bit!

OP posts:

HouseworkIsASin10 · 08/11/2018 12:44

I assume you will only inviting her over for a week, not your whole holiday?

boomshacka · 08/11/2018 12:50

Thanks for the info. Not sure I'd feel that safe in a beach villa in South America or Asia. And it's not cheaper than a week in Spain. But thanks!

SushiMonster · 08/11/2018 12:52

Nah, a month is too long to be in such close quarters especially when the holiday tastes are so different.

Be assertive now to save the friendship from an awful summer!

AGHHHH · 08/11/2018 12:56

@Nanny0gg It's not the friend's DS, it's the OP's.

But the OP says "it turns out my friend can't swim, would be too worried about about her ds getting swept away by the sea to allow him in it"

Confusing.

AGHHHH · 08/11/2018 12:57

@ClickyJoints can you see the post above and clarify please because it's going to bug me

Blondebakingmumma · 08/11/2018 12:59

Let her join you for a week. However keep the villa you want

Original poster

ClickyJoints · 08/11/2018 13:24

@AGHHHH - sorry about the confusion - I typed my post whilst half asleep in bed last night! It's that friend is worried about her DD getting swept out to sea as SHE can't swim, (think the sleep confusion came as I'm hyper vigilant with my ds in the sea as he's the one that needs watching most on our holidays!)

OP posts:

SandAndSea · 08/11/2018 13:58

OP, I think if you're not careful, you're going to be spending the whole month playing lifeguard for her DD. I would suggest she books her own villa.

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