Feeling so fed up with greedy sibling !

When these emails come through, is it to everyone including your DF? Next time you get a grabby email (and I’m sure you will) I would reply saying no, giving the details of your current situation and why you can’t afford it, and cc your whole family in. Make your DB and DF realise the realities of your situation and how ridiculous it all is!

Hope this is not too morbid but meant as a warning. If your dad dies less than 7 years after giving the gifts there may be a tax liability. One of my friends had this happen and as her brother had already spent all he had been given she ended up losing most of what little she was given in the will to the taxman. I know no one should rely on an inheritance - but it rubbed salt into the wounds of what was already unfair.

Your brother and his wife sound like greedy gits.

This situation seriously reminds me of my MIL and her kids of which my husband is one. BIL casually dropped on everyone few years ago that he decided that MIL needs care and he, wife + 2 kids will be selling their house to move in with MIL and using the money from the sale of their house to renovate MIL's house to bring it up to date with modern standards. MIL doesn't need any care as she is fully able bodied, of sound mind and generally physically fit; only occasional aches and pains but nothing out of ordinary for her age. However what BIL definitely needs is a bigger house because he, wife and 2 kids are currently in a much smaller house than MIL's house, which was their family home when they were kids.

So he effectively decided he is inheriting the house for himself and using the money he has plus the proceeds from the sale of his house to bring MIL's house to the modern standards that he would require as MIL's house is, indeed, quite outdated but is, in fact, done in her old fashioned taste.

MIL's comment to others was: apparently she decided that nobody else would need the money anyway as everyone is independent and working (so is BIL but that seems to have no bearing on the situation).

That's that. And BIL tried to convince everyone it was MIL's decision and, in the end, actually fell out with my husband by calling him greedy because my husband said he personally didn't need anything but didn't think it was that fair to leave his sisters with nothing at all, especially as one of them is doing by far the most for MIL.

I truly need nothing from MIL as we always supported ourselves. However some people's greed really is absolutely amazing.

I'd be mad too. It just feels like he is taking advantage of your dad. I don't think siblings have to be treated 100pc equally but this is completely the other side of the scale and is grossly unfair to you and other brother. I think if he was disadvantaged in some way it would be different (struggling financially despite working hard, ill health, made redundant or something) but he's basically just asking for your dad to fund an amazing luxury lifestyle while the rest of you live normally, just because he can. Who knows why your dad is giving it to him and how your dad perceives your and your other brothers finances. But it just feels wrong that he's asking for things he just wants and doesn't need - wrong from the point of view that nobody knows what the future holds and your dad might need it, wrong from the point of view it doesn't sound like he is giving your dad that much back (if he lived with him to help care for him it might be different or had committed to caring for him in old age for example), wrong from the point of view there is limited funds and there will be less for his siblings and nieces and nephews and wrong from the point of view it's just rude to ask for any gifts let alone very expensive ones

Could you and your other brother have a chat with greedy brother? What does nice brother say? You could say something along the lines of you wanted to chat about looking after your dad in old age and care home fees and presumably as these have gone to greedy brother and he is obviously closer to your dad than the rest of you that he will be doing the majority of the care when it is needed?

Do you think you could have s casual chat with your dad - "Hey dad, have you ever thought about how much money you've given to dB and Sil, compared with how much you've given to me and other dB?"

I know you're not asking for money but I feel like he needs to have the discrepancy pointed out!

@Shazafied they say that we each have a doppelgänger. Maybe we're living parallel lives too?? 😂😂 I feel like I need a picture of you now to make sure... 🤔

Wow, YANBU to be annoyed by this! The wedding photographer money request and gift list is first class cheeky fuckery!

I can kind of understand your DF giving the money towards a trip, if it’s a once in a lifetime thing that your DF wants your DB to experience and maybe regrets not doing the same in his youth? however it seems very irresponsible of DB and SIL to plan such an extravagant trip without the funds in place and without back up savings to pay for somewhere to stay when they return, unless alternative accommodation fell through?

However, a house deposit is a serious amount of money, giving that amount to one child and not the others is really unfair and you’d be right to say something to your DF. it does sound like he may be feeling pressurised into giving away the money, Did SIL family contribute to her half of the trip/wedding? You say you heard about the deposit through your other DB and DM? I would ask them to broach the subject with your DF, but it’s not worth you getting stressed and upset by getting involved when you need to be taking care of yourself and baby. I hope you feel better soon xx

My parents did this. Distributed their money massively unevenly. DF is now deceased. DM is now in need of more care. Sibling and I who received least, the non squeaky wheels, are called on the most for care. I think it has destroyed relationships. BTW I told my parents often that I felt they were being unfair. It made no difference.