Oh dear,
In the last few days I have really sunk into a pit of doom, misery and bitterness. I am currently pregnant with an SCH which keeps growing so am a bit of an anxious mess, am on “restricted activity” (can’t go out and do stuff) and I have the worlds worst cold / cough / sinuses so I may not be in the best frame of mind.
I’m one of three siblings and my little brother (and his wife’s) is really starting to grate on me, compounded by my father perhaps being insensitive.
Since meeting his now wife 2 years ago my brother has asked my father for money for
-18 month trip travelling round the world. They saved some but only over , they were given significant financial help from my father to enable this (around £7k I believe). (The Christmas before they left we all got an email saying that they weren’t doing presents that year as they were saving, but could we please all get them something from the attached list of items that they’ll need for their travels - all high end , cheapest item on the list £50)!
-two plush weddings. One halfway around the world (just cos they fancied it- no family connection there or anything) and a second (large traditional) one in the uk when they got back. My Dsil parents helped with the cost of these too. At one point , when I was pregnant with my first baby and buying everything I needed second hand, my brother and I both received and email from Dsil’s mother asking if we’d each put in a “few hundred pounds” towards flying Dsis’s preferred photographer from the UK to the US for the “US wedding” so that they had the same photographer for both. We both said no so my dad ended up paying for “our share” of this as well, at Dsil’s mothers request.
-their first months rent and deposit on a rental flat as soon as they get back. (They got back 3m ago now with no money at all).
-my brother has just landed a well paid job but hasn’t been paid yet, he has just started. Dsil has taken a part time more creative job thatvis badly paid but something she enjoys. Fine.... but they saw a house for sale that they wanted shortly after my brother got offered his new job. It’s £200k and they need a 10% deposit plus other costs (a new build, not sure what the other costs are) and they have asked my dad for the money and he has agreed- £20k. (My younger brother told my mum this and she told me)
-Dsil parents also bought them a car for their wedding present, when they returned to the uk.
My other sibling and I work really hard, he has two DC and I have a 1yo plus am pregnant. We have modest houses, modest lives, no foreign holidays at the moment and we live within our means. I got £300 towards my wedding from my dad, that was 3 years ago and it paid for a few people to go out for lunch. We didn’t have a photographer as we couldn’t afford one, and it didn’t occur to me to ask for the money. My DB has a very similar outlook... but since meeting his wife my brother has become somewhat shameless about asking for money, even when not Struggling (is never want him to struggle) and my dad just gives him it!
My dad is retired, single and is comfortable but not loaded .... a few months ago he said to both my older brother and I that he was aware that financial help has been uneven and that he has a pension pot (£20k) that he hasn’t touched yet. He said (on several occasions) that he was going to release the funds and give each of his 3 children a 1/3 lump sum (apropos of nothing by the way, neither DB nor I had asked for money or moaned or anything!) both DB and I replied that we’d never expect or ask for such a sum , is there nothing he wants to use it for himself etc. We both did say that we’d be forever grateful for such a sum as it would really help us out , but it was up to him. I didn’t think much about it since then.... Fast forward to now and neither older brother or I have heard anything further on the matter and younger brother now having house deposit paid for.
I my not be able to go back to work between babies due to this SCH so suddenly money has got tighter. We will survive but there will be no luxuries.
For the first time ever I just feel like having a rant about my brother! Maybe I’m just so miserable just now I’m being unkind. He was never like this before, but since he met Dsil he has become so grabby .... they just ask ask ask and take take take. I get the impression that Dsil has always been given whatever she wants, and this has rubbed off on DB.
My dad hasn’t even been in touch with me to see how I am, despite me trying to call and sending messages about the haematoma. I don’t think he thinks it’s serious. I even messaged my younger brother yesterday to say “have you spoken to dad lately?” And he replied that they’d been speaking yesterday about DBs new house... DB didn’t ask how I am either!
Gosh I feel so sorry for myself and pissed off. Am now awaiting email from Dsil’s mother with a list of expensive items that DB and Dsil need for the new house and “which would I like to buy them?”
I think I’ve ranted enough, sorry everyone!! Am I just a miserable
Cow?!
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Feeling so fed up with greedy sibling !
36 replies
Shazafied · 07/11/2018 17:10
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