Feel like my life isn’t complete without a daughter, please slap some sense into me.....

[Needtomoveon12]

Hi all

NC for this. I have two boys, 5 and 1. Me and partner been together 12 years, happy and always said we wanted two children.
Emotionally and financially I feel two children is the max I can have, it’s a nice number to have and it’s what I have wanted all my life..... but I don’t have a daughter.
Now I know before people start saying, be grateful you have two healthy children, I am beyond grateful, I count my blessings everyday and wouldn’t change my boys for the world!! I know people can’t even have one and I’m expecting people to say that, I know, I just can’t get rid of this heartache deep down that I will never have a girl.

I have always wanted to replicate the relationship that me and my mum have, and I know that isn’t guaranteed! It’s living with the what ifs.......

I know how precious any baby is!! I lost a baby boy half way through pregnancy in 2016 so this does and did make me stop this thinking of a girl, but slowly it’s crept back again.....

I’m not going to have another baby or try, because that’s unfair to baby if it was a boy, knowing deep down I desperately crave a girl. I just need to know how to move forward with my life and leave this behind. My partner went to go for the snip and I stopped him because of these silly feelings.

Please be gentle it’s took me ages to get the guts to write this, I just wanna stop being so jealous of people with daughters.

I can understand as when I was carrying my twins I felt quite fearful of having two boys. When they announced the girl first I was relieved as then I didn’t need to worry what the second twin was (it was a boy).

But my girl (in comparison) is a menace (sorry! I do love her obviously), but she is infinitely more difficult than her brother. She’s got more sass and attitude than 10 of him, bigger tantrums, ignores me, rarely apologises, incredibly stubborn and head strong. Now I often wonder what life with two boys would have been like … lol.

You can’t live on other people’s stories, I get it, but my point is that you are grieving something that doesn’t and might never even feasibly exist, which is an utter waste of time and energy.

No one should be self fulfilling the prophecy though.

Omg thats funny as my Mum said I was the result of failed contraception. And my older siblings Boys were very much planned. I was the opsy! Conflicting feelings being told that.

Exactly. My daughter had a girl who transitioned

I have a daughter and 2 sons. The daughter is not a 'girly girl' at all, complete opposite actually. All those cute things I imagined we'd do haven't happened (and that's fine). I'm also no closer to my DD than I am my DS's. They're all absolutely amazing in their own ways. Having a DD will not complete your life, you have no idea what that DD would be like. The sex of a child does not determine the relationship you will have or what they will bring to your life .

Yep. I have two friends whose daughters transitioned and another that looks likely to. I also have friends with girls who are not remotely interested in shopping or nails or anything like that. One of my boys likes clothes and teddies and painting his nails.