To not be a mind reader and have DM blame me for something I did not know

[Whatdoesitmatteranyway]

Basic facts:

Staying at DM's three nights a weeks at the moment whilst working near her so basically staying in my old bedroom. Central heating boiler lives in the ward robe in my bedroom. Mother is disabled.

Last night DM says "I need to empty the meter cupboard out tomorrow as the gas man is coming". I took it at face value and didnt think any more of it.

Phone DM mid morning and got yelled at. Her complaints were

1. She had to move my suitcase and dirty clothes from the floor in front of the airing cupboard/ward robe so she could empty it in order that the gas man can service the boiler. When I pointed out that she only said the gas man was coming out to meter she told me that anyone with any common sense would have known she meant the boiler. WTF? Apparently no one ever comes out to look at a gas meter if you're on a smart meter.

1. She complained I hadnt made my bed and my jammies were on the floor. Since I didnt know anyone was going into my room I didnt bother.

1. There is dry skin on the floor by the bed. This I will accept. I used footner on my feet that causes the skin to flake off. When I dried my feet after my shower this morning, there was skin on the floor. AS I didnt think anyone would go into my room today, I didnt get the hoover out at 6am and planned to vacuum it up tonight.

1. There are spot of orange on the floor which she's blaming on orange juice I take to bed of a night. Except I make it up in a sports bottle. I'm not saying there isnt spots on the floor but (a) it isnt my orange juice and (b) the entire carpet is stained to fuck from where I spilt coffee and other stuff on it when I was a teenager over 20 years ago. I suspect it could be blood as I stubbed my toe over night and I think the nail bled.

Ultimately - all of this is because I didnt know the gas man was servicing the boiler in my room today and I assumed it was the gas meter as THAT IS WHAT SHE TOLD ME.

I will admit my mother has form for not using the correct words for anything and expecting you to work out what she means. All she had to do was mention needing to get into the wardrobe and I would have worked it out where as she said "gas meter cupboard".

YABVU HTH! Sounds rank and clearly thoughtless behaviour!

You could’ve picked the skin up with your hands rather than get the hoover out at 6am and then hoovered properly later. Anything is better than just leaving large flakes lying there.

I can’t see that you’ve been unreasonable in any way OP.

And I’m not sure who these people are that think an unmade bed and pyjamas left on the floor are things to be shocked about. Whoever they are, they would HATE my house.

This thread is making me feel queasy 🤢 you should be treating the place with respect, I wouldn’t leave a hotel room like that, let alone my mum’s house. My mum would have gone bonkers if she came upon dirty clothes, skin, pyjamas and an unmade bed. Gross!

I'm going against the grain here- op, I think YANBU. Your question was not "am I slob who needs the denizens of mumsnet to express their horror at my awful slovenly ways" anyway. If your DM specifically wanted your room to be tidy as someone was coming to look at the boiler in the cupboard in your room she should have said so, ffs.

Jammies?

misses point of thread

YABVU and rank leaving your foot scrapings aroung is manky

@mostdays do adults need to be told to keep their rooms tidy?

Last night DM says "I need to empty the meter cupboard out tomorrow as the gas man is coming". I took it at face value and didnt think any more of it.

If my mum had said this, I'd have offered to empty the cupboard for her and there wouldn't have been a misunderstanding.

Agree with others that you've reverted to being the teenager who used to sleep in that room, but now you're an adult guest you really need to behave like one!

You don't need to get the hoover out at 6am. You just make sure that the skin on your feet goes onto a towel or paper bag or something. You know you used Footner, you know how it works, you know what to expect.

@kaytee87 I've no idea. What has that got to do with the op's question?

@mostdays

If your DM specifically wanted your room to be tidy as someone was coming to look at the boiler in the cupboard in your room she should have said so, ffs.

Look it's this simple, she yelled because she was mortified she looked like a minger. I'd be so embarrassed if I were her. It's not your house, stop being manky and show your mother the same respect you show your own house (the fact your not lime this at home makes it do much worse)!

And no I wouldn't have taken out out the hoover at 6 am because I wouldn't remove manky dead skin until I could clean it up!like every other normal person on the planet

Apologise and show some respect

Not sure why you felt the need to tell us your DM is disabled, but that makes it even worse, you could have asked if she needed help to clear out the cupboard, whichever one you thought it was.
Anyway, majority seem to think YABU, just apologise and make a nice gesture perhaps.

But DM did not tell OP that's what she wanted. And op asked was she BU not to be a mind reader, not whether she should be keeping her room to a particular standard of tidiness.

I don't understand why an adult would put nightwear on the floor rather than the bed and not straighten up the bedding, most people use duvets and it takes two seconds flat.

As for the dead foot skin, why on earth would you deposit this on the floor in the first place? I remove hard skin in the bathroom, probably over the loo and get rid of it straight away.

You really are a slob and owe your mother an apology.

I think what you meant to say was "Oh my god it's so unfair right my mum should like totally leave my room alone and not be on at me all the time. It's so unfair, it's my home too and it's my room so I should have like privacy and she should stop going on and on at me".

Is it safe to have a boiler in a bedroom? Don't they need ventilation and suchlike? I'd be more worried about fumes and overheating than dead skin on the floor (although that is absolutely disgusting)

mostdays OP didn’t need to be a mind reader, just a considerate daughter. Sounds like she’s regressed to being a teenager. Would it have hurt to have asked her disabled mother if she needed any help to clear out the cupboard, or just keep the room in a reasonable state?

I thought id be on your side! But you sound very dirty and scruffy, I have 3 kids and my room is never in that state. Grow up and have a wash.

I would much prefer guests in my house not to hoover first thing in the morning (and how could one pick up teeny skin flakes by hand??). I also wouldn't care where they put their pjs etc.

The DM made a mistake in telling the OP wrongly, and is shifting the blame for that mistake unfairly onto the OP.

How about op offers to help her disabled mum? Lazy sod.

Moaning if you’re familiar with Footner you’ll know that the flakes aren’t tiny. They were also large enough for the mother to see them so yes, perfectly possible to pick up the bulk of them by hand rather than leave bits of you lying on the floor.

I am really messy but the way you're living is absolutely shockingly grim, sorry op

Maybe your mum reacted as she did because of the state of the room....

Who scrapes their feet on carpet 😨