To not be a mind reader and have DM blame me for something I did not know

[Whatdoesitmatteranyway]

Basic facts:

Staying at DM's three nights a weeks at the moment whilst working near her so basically staying in my old bedroom. Central heating boiler lives in the ward robe in my bedroom. Mother is disabled.

Last night DM says "I need to empty the meter cupboard out tomorrow as the gas man is coming". I took it at face value and didnt think any more of it.

Phone DM mid morning and got yelled at. Her complaints were

1. She had to move my suitcase and dirty clothes from the floor in front of the airing cupboard/ward robe so she could empty it in order that the gas man can service the boiler. When I pointed out that she only said the gas man was coming out to meter she told me that anyone with any common sense would have known she meant the boiler. WTF? Apparently no one ever comes out to look at a gas meter if you're on a smart meter.

1. She complained I hadnt made my bed and my jammies were on the floor. Since I didnt know anyone was going into my room I didnt bother.

1. There is dry skin on the floor by the bed. This I will accept. I used footner on my feet that causes the skin to flake off. When I dried my feet after my shower this morning, there was skin on the floor. AS I didnt think anyone would go into my room today, I didnt get the hoover out at 6am and planned to vacuum it up tonight.

1. There are spot of orange on the floor which she's blaming on orange juice I take to bed of a night. Except I make it up in a sports bottle. I'm not saying there isnt spots on the floor but (a) it isnt my orange juice and (b) the entire carpet is stained to fuck from where I spilt coffee and other stuff on it when I was a teenager over 20 years ago. I suspect it could be blood as I stubbed my toe over night and I think the nail bled.

Ultimately - all of this is because I didnt know the gas man was servicing the boiler in my room today and I assumed it was the gas meter as THAT IS WHAT SHE TOLD ME.

I will admit my mother has form for not using the correct words for anything and expecting you to work out what she means. All she had to do was mention needing to get into the wardrobe and I would have worked it out where as she said "gas meter cupboard".

What adult leaves their pyjamas on the floor? Especially when staying in someone else's house?

Your poor poor mother

If I were her I'd kick you out

Disgusting 🤯😤🤮

It may be your childhood room but you are now an adult guest. Act like it.

Only on Mumsnet can I read one day that a parent should replace carpet with hard-flooring to accommodate their daughter's messy make-up habits, then the next day read that a daughter is a slovenly horror for leaving a bit of skin on their carpet for less than 12 hours .

BTW OP, I don't think you are unreasonable (but I can cope with a bit of mess).

Yabu for treating the house as if you were still a teenager living there rather than as an adult guest.

When my dc stay I see this and it’s a fine line between me wanting them to feel it’s their home and wanting them to respect it as our home.

Regardless off the gas man coming I’d be very unimpressed by one of mine going off to work leaving the room in such a mess. I bet the curtains were drawn and there were dirty cups etc in there as well.

Take your mum some flowers, apologise and bloody well start treating her home with more respect.

SpeckleDust one daughter is a young teenager and the other is a grown adult so it’s not quite the same.

Yuk, that sounds rank. I’m not surprised she’s angry at you.

Surely if it’s your old room you know the boiler is in there and that if your mother is disabled it would be necessary or at the very least helpful to move your suitcase out the way so she can access the boiler?

You sound as though you've regressed to being a teenager. I read your OP in Kevin the teenager's voice It's so unfair!

Anyway, your DM was right. You're wrong. Tidy up, apologise and thank her for letting you stay in her house.

Yabu.

It's not the point that you didn't know someone was coming. But leaving the room in that state???

Come on, dead skin, dirty clothes, blood stains?

Your Mother must have been mortified!

And yet, OP has another thread running where she apparently lives in a show home due to her ‘obsessively tidy’ DH!!

And adds that she never leaves her clothes strewn about on the floor...

Surely, as soon as your disabled mother mentioned having to empty a cupboard out for ANY reason, your response should have been to offer to do it for her? She's a) disabled and b) putting you up three nights a week, after all.

And YABU for treating someone else's guest room with so little respect.

You're right, when I stay away during the week I regress back to my natural slovenly ways which I don't do at home because of obsessively tidy DH

When I leave my mums on a Thursday, the room is spotless.

I didn't think I was being unreasonable not vacuuming at 6am (and thus waking her up) when I closed the door to the room and didnt expect anyone going in there until I got home tonight.

I didnt know the blood on the floor was there (not even convinced it is blood or even new) until I see it tonight - I'm just trying to work out what it could be as I didnt / don't spill things on the floor anymore as I'm an adult.

And yet, OP has another thread running where she apparently lives in a show home due to her ‘obsessively tidy’ DH!!

Sounds like a theme going on there OP. You need to bring it up just a smidge. You can't leave parts of your body lying around at least. Clean it up.

Hmmm
you are definitely gross.

Ignore the strange responses OP.
The 'offences' of pjs on the floor and foot skin when she didn't know anyone was coming in and which she was going to clean up are nothing.
I have one of these martyr, expects everyone to read her mind 'D'Ms.
Being disabled doesn't mean she can't move a few things out of a cupboard. If she needed help she is an adult and capable of asking. Had she said OP, can you please help me move x out of cupboard a and move your suitcase from in front of cupboard b, that would be an entirely different thing.

Oh come on. Pick up your manky skin flakes and stop being grotty.

Given that your DM said “I need to empty the meter cupboard”, you should have worked out what she meant, or checked. What exactly did you think she meant, if not the airing cupboard?
And by the sounds of the state of your room, YABU. Even without expecting someone to go in, you shouldn’t leave it in that state in someone else’s house. You can’t vacuum at 6am but then why did you use footner at her house anyway? Do that sort of thing in the privacy of your own home.

Am I the only one who thinks Footner is such an odd thing to do at 6am on a Wednesday morning 😂

Honestly, I'd be ashamed if my 8y DD left her room like that.
Skin on the floor? Disgusting.

You are grounded! You may have reverted.

You sound like a right slob.
I wouldn't have you stay again.

Footner takes nearly a week to work return, op wouldn’t have done it this morning, just enjoyed the results (and not cleaned them up ).

Oh right! So the skin just sort of shed off, lizard-like, all over the carpet this morning

how many people would get the vacuum cleaner out at 6am and wake the house up when by all accounts there was no reason to go into the room?

"Given that your DM said “I need to empty the meter cupboard”, you should have worked out what she meant, or checked. What exactly did you think she meant, if not the airing cupboard?"

The gas meter is under the stairs off the kitchen so if someone was coming in to service/check it then she'd have to empty that cupboard out to get at it. That's why she went on a smart meter. As all meters have to physically inspected every few years (smart or not) that is what I assume she meant when she said meter cupboard!