to say "no thanks to this" or suck it up and go?

[FullMetalRabbit]

We get invited every year to a friend's on Christmas Eve - we love the friends but this particular event is so deadly dull (lots of people that we don't know, try to make small talk but not much coming back IYKWIM)

We've managed to swerve it a few times with excuses (eg. doing something else) but I'd rather try and tackle it head on but I don't want to hurt the friends feelings? Can't use young children excuse any more as our chldren are all but grown up - they don't want to go either!

Are we

a) being unreasonable to not want to go (we would rather stay at home and have a drink and no-one needs to drive)

or

b) should we suck it up for a couple of hours as it's only once a year?

If anyone thinks a) any suggestions of how to be nice about saying we don't want to go would be gratefully received

If you like the friends usually, what is it about this event that's dull?

I suppose it's the other people we don't know - we do really try to talk to them but it's hard work as there is not much coming back - there's no sit down meal, just nibbles (which is fine!) so it's a lot of standing around - I suppose we could show our faces for an hour

Go early/showface/go home job done although why there is no seats that would do me in.

Just say sorry can't make it, got plans with your family /your in laws /etc..but I will try to pop by your house another time for a coffee/Christmas drink as I am so sad to miss this as I so enjoy coming every year but with family commitments it has left me unable to do so this year

That way it looks like you enjoy going, are sad to miss it because you have family commitments,

Yeah I think you're right - they are good friends and I don't want to upset them

Christmas is the perfect time to say you have other plans!

Don’t go if you don’t want to. Zero interest for showing up to stuff I don’t want to anymore.

SuchAToDo

like it

alternatively could invite them to us a different evening!

If it was a good friend, I’d suck it up and go. Otherwise I’d make an excuse of some sort

I would go for an hour.

Alternatively, you could get riotously drunk and liven things up a bit. You probably wouldn't have to worry about an invitation next year then...

I definitely wouldn't be saying how sorry I was to miss it, and how much I enjoy it. There's a white lie which is sometimes the kindest thing, but no need to go over the top.

‘Sorry we cant make it. The children have asked us to have an at home Christmas Eve before they’re all of doing their own thing. Would you like to xyz on xyz night?’

Christmas Eve shouldn’t be be spent doing something you don’t want to, unless it massively pleases your children.

Why can't anyone sit down? That's a bit grim. That'd be my complete excuse tbh - I don't want a back spasm for Xmas, I was rather hoping for a chocolate orange and a shag.

...and even then still quite possibly not!

Perhaps say your kids want to start a new Christmas tradition of being at home on Christmas Eve. Although it's hard I'd try to honest with them and just tell them you don't enjoy it.

Just say "No, that doesn't work for us this year"

Christmas is the easiest time of year to have an excuse for!

I would say you have a family commitment. It's Christmas so it's not the craziest lie. And fuck the 'just suck it up and go' - it's your Christmas too, do what you want to do!

Sounds like hell on wheels. Don't go.

You need to break the tradition otherwise this will go on every year. Just say sorry, you're busy - see you another day over the festive season.

Just say you're having a quiet one this year. No need for excuses or to feel obliged to go.

We had the same issue - I hate parties, they're not me at all and I find it really uncomfortable standing around trying to talk to people I don't know and having to stay sober because I've got to drive.

I got around it by saying 'thanks for the invite but there's always so much to do leading up to Christmas that we've got into the habit of having a nice quiet Christmas Eve at home with a bottle of wine before all the mayhem starts again the following day. Hope you have a good night' Our friends were fine with this and now when they ask us they always say the invitation is there if you want to pop in but it's fine if you don't.

Say you're doing something else but invite them to yours at a different time over the festive season. That way you're showing you value seeing them but you can just talk to them and not have all the downsides of going to theirs.

I'm pretty selfish when it comes to Christmas. So many people feel obliged to do things/go places/see people. On the 27th were supposed to go to my grandmas (on my dads side) and I've said me, my DF and DS won't be going this year. I hate it, we all do. Yolo and all that 😂 my brothers jealous I've plucked up the courage! No ones actually asked me why yet though...

Ah, they obviously love hosting their traditional party, go, it will make them happy! An hour won’t kill you! Have a bottle of fizz to celebrate when you get home :)

Life’s too short, say you’re having a quiet Christmas drink at home but you’d love to see them another time

Life is too short to do things you don't want to do! Just say no thanks, you have other plans. No need to explain.

I have a similar thing with a friend. Say no every single time. She hasn't twigged yet. I want to have an honest conversation with her but I fear it will kill our friendship so I don't bother.