does 9 yr old need to know the birds & bees? or still too young?

[staydazzling]

This really, i get questioned and give quite edited information but i wanted to wait til 10 but feel like he should know whilst simultaneously being quite horrified at the idea, i know some parents tell quite young now but im unsure and needing some advice.

I think you need to work on your own issues.

In my experience "Sex Education" in school starts from 4/5 - with basics like how we change as we grow. In year 5 my DC had their first "nuts and bolts" talks, followed by more in depth stuff in year 6. (And studying the Menopause as their first topic in year 7.)

I find it helps to answer any questions open and honestly (endeavouring not to be embarrassed by anything). I have one DC with ASD - so we have had extremely frank conversations in the kitchen, often with siblings around. But then I'd rather that then them type "what is porn" into Google.
We have lots of frank conversations about consent - which I think is one of the most crucial aspects to get across. Don't do anything you don't want to, don't make anyone else do something they aren't keen on, and you can say stop anytime and the other person should stop.

I think that's unfair, everyone is ultimately a product of their environment and i grew up in a strict traditional household and i am asking not just assuming my way is best

I also grew up in a strict, very devout Catholic household, in a deeply Catholic society, and as a result, I have made sure to give my son a very different upbringing as regards sex and bodies. He’s six, and has known about the mechanics of sex, pregnancy, birth etc since he was old enough to ask, at around three. We owe it to our children not to hand on the negative aspects of our own upbringings.

precisely which is why im asking not just arrogantly assuming im right, no one is perfect after all.

Yes start as early as possible!

Question is do you want to tell him or have him hear from someone else? To be honest if one of his friends with older siblings hasn't already told him/showed him something possibly inappropriate I'd be surprised.

If you talk early and often about sex, the topic is demystified. Then when it comes time for the really difficult conversations, you have at least a chance of being able to talk to your child in a helpful way.

By difficult, I mean talking to your 14 year old son about the specific ways that watching porn can mess him up, or about the need to use a condom every time even though his teenage girlfriend is on the pill, because he will have NO control over whether she chooses to terminate a pregnancy. Difficult is talking to your 15-year-old daughter about how girls are pressured into anal sex and how she can protect herself from subtle pressures, how the only reason for her to have sex is because she wants to. Etc..

All kids should know the proper anatomical names for their body parts and that their body is theirs from the start. As for the birds and the bees you should be the one to inform him. If he is asking questions then answer them honestly if not then I'd get a book for him to read and just use every opportunity you get to reinforce the idea of respect for himself, respect for women, our bodies are our own etc. The uks youngest dad was 12 he got his girlfriend pregnant when he was 11. It's unpleasant but true.