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AIBU?

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Original poster

does 9 yr old need to know the birds & bees? or still too young?

58 replies

staydazzling · 06/11/2018 22:44

This really, i get questioned and give quite edited information but i wanted to wait til 10 but feel like he should know whilst simultaneously being quite horrified at the idea, i know some parents tell quite young now but im unsure and needing some advice. Confused

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 06/11/2018 23:20

At 9 he would definitely know what sex is. It would have been discussed in the playground. It’s probably not anywhere close to reality but he would have heard about it definitely.

cantkeepawayforever · 06/11/2018 23:21

If your child is old enough to ask the question, they are old enough for the answer.

It will be taught in school between the ages of 9 and 11 depending on school policy, but puberty information will be taught earlier.

School teaching is basically a 'backstop' so that all children have an age-appropriate level of knowledge, but IME it is REALLY rare for school teaching to be a surprise to any child. So age 8-9 for puberty information and 9-10 for information about human reproduction would be 'at the latest' ages.

If a child asks a question earlier, answer it. Give a full and honest answer to what they ask, but then stop. If they ask another question, answer that. Sensibly done, it is a conversation which lasts years rather than a 'single talk'.

nokidshere · 06/11/2018 23:28

Also he's a boy. By 10 he'll have watched porn on a smartphone

Don't be ridiculous

My own children were fed information from about the age of five. Always age appropriate and often in response to their questions. Just be truthful and factual.

CJsGoldfish · 06/11/2018 23:35

I've just always answered ANY questions they have openly and honestly in an age appropriate way. As hard as it has been at times, I did/do this with NO embarrassment and in a matter of fact way.
So no 'talk' as such just a lot of 'interesting' questions and conversations along the way Grin

Drogosnextwife · 06/11/2018 23:37

My mum told me when I was 6, she had an age appropriate book. She was pregnant and I was very curious. Didn't do me any harm. People worth to much about when to tell kids. It's a completely natural thing.

cantkeepawayforever · 06/11/2018 23:42

On telling othre children - if you answer questions naturally, as you do about any othersubject, then why should your child tell others? it's only by holding it up to be a 'great and shameful secret' that it becoems 'valuable information to whisper to one's friends'.

My children have always known that Father Christmas is a fantastic story that we tell at Christmas time. This doesn't mean that they went around 'telling everyone else that FC isn't real'. It wasn't 'privileged information'. It wasn't 'a big adult secret'. It wasn't 'the loss of innocence or magic'. It was just something they knew, like any other wonderful story, and certainly not worth specially 'telling' anyone.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 06/11/2018 23:45

Also he's a boy. By 10 he'll have watched porn on a smartphone

Yeah, cos all boys are the same Hmm.
I can 100% guarantee my DS13 has not watched porn.

DS8 knows the basics and plans to never ever have sex. He asked the questions. He got straight answers. With the older one, he had never shown any curiosity so I hadn't got round to telling him. Then they brought forward the lessons at school to early in Y5 because girls were reaching puberty.

Excited101 · 06/11/2018 23:54

Pretty much all young children ask from late 2’s how the baby will get out of the mummy’s tummy and how it got in. The best thing you can do is answer the questions honestly, as and when they come up- in age appropriate language. It doesn’t have to be left until a particular age or made into a big deal.

steff13 · 06/11/2018 23:57

My daughter is 8, and she knows a little. We have always followed the guideline of answering only what they ask, in an age-appropriate way.

Sowhatifidosnore · 07/11/2018 00:04

Don’t wait - your DC will get confusing info form other kids and by 10 a worryingly high percentage will be exposed to some pornography. Talk to your children now about their body parts, conception, childbirth and periods - you don’t have to be too graphic - but if you don’t talk to them now when they have bigger questions it’ll be harder to discuss it with them.

Sowhatifidosnore · 07/11/2018 00:06

Discuss it all equally, boys need to know what tampons are and girls need to know about erections...

TheWiseWomansFear · 07/11/2018 00:57

My sister got her period at 8 and I at 10, so no not too Young. We did the basics in school at age 8 and my mum talked to me then. I already knew most of it anyway.

TheWiseWomansFear · 07/11/2018 01:01

@nokidshere I don't see what's ridiculous about PPs comment. I was born in '95 and by age 10 I had been shown porn on another kids laptop.. with smartphones it's obvious that they will...

Happyandshiney · 07/11/2018 01:33

My rule is that if they ask a question they get an age appropriate answer.

They asked at 5 yo and were told the truth. They are both very matter of fact about it.

I’d be pretty surprised if at 9 yo he hadn’t already heard chatter and misinformation in the playground.

Arming your children with proper facts protects them more than ignorance.

nokidshere · 07/11/2018 01:35

@nokidshere I don't see what's ridiculous about PPs comment. I was born in '95 and by age 10 I had been shown porn on another kids laptop.. with smartphones it's obvious that they will...

Yes of course. Because you did - are you a boy? - all 10yr old boys will? Or all 10yr olds?

I'm sure some have, boys and girls, but I don't think it's the norm for primary school children.

Original poster
staydazzling · 07/11/2018 08:13

surely all 10 yr olds arent watching porn? i didnt inthe late 90s/00s, i said in a PP he does understand periods vaginas penis womb etc so hes not completely clueless in that area he knows puberty means more oil in the skin and hair needing deodrant etc.

OP posts:
GoodnightMooncup · 07/11/2018 08:18

My 5 year old knows the basics

Original poster
staydazzling · 07/11/2018 08:27

looks like ill have to search out some books

OP posts:
claraschu · 07/11/2018 08:30

I think it is good to tell kids when they are little (starting at 3 or so) in order to avoid the mysterious, sniggering, gross connotations.

I think that explaining biology early is the best way to protect "innocence". Loss of innocence comes from seeing sex as dirty, weird or gross, in my opinion.

popcornwizard · 07/11/2018 08:33

Usbourne books - they even come in pink and blue so you can tell which is for boys and which is for girls...... They are good though

Mamabearx4 · 07/11/2018 08:34

The best way is an open (age appropriate) long time discussion from a young age. No child needs all the facts in one go. Mine started asking questions young, amd we developed the answers as they got older. Weve covered everything (oldest is 17 youngest 17 months) i would rather they feel able to ask without embrassement) my 9 year old is starting to develop, but as she has an older sister and friends she knows about periods and and babies. So shes not worried (but doesnt want them yet). She asked me the other day what condoms were. I didnt give explict details just that ot was something to stop babies being made and they stop you catching illnesses. And then she asked for food. No stress, no embarrassment. My mum never gave me the talk so never felt i could ask her anything. Even now she want discuss sex as far as shes concerned her grandbabies are miraculous conceptions.

bridgetreilly · 07/11/2018 08:36

If he's asking now, tell him now. There's no magic age you have to wait for.

Adversecamber22 · 07/11/2018 08:49

DS was around five, my friend is a psychologist she said dc need to know young and how it should also all be consensual, loving, at the right age etc because it helps protect them from being abused.

Swanhild · 07/11/2018 08:54

Work on your own issues, OP. Your child needs to know basic facts about human biology.

drspouse · 07/11/2018 09:31

it should also all be consensual, loving, at the right age etc because it helps protect them from being abused.
Sadly as an adopter with DCs with turbulent birth families "mummy and daddy loved each other very much so they decided to make a baby" doesn't cut it.
We've covered the mechanics - and that it's only for grownups - and when older we'll have to cover, sometimes one person thinks the other one loves them, sometimes it's fun for one or both people, sometimes one person doesn't like it and that is definitely not OK.