To find my oh patronising and irritating?

[Irritatedlady777]

My oh doesnt live with me yet but spends alot of time at mine. He has an annoying habit of saying "ive wirked hard for you today".. say ive cooked and hes washed up but slmetimes he does more than just wash up he cleans or whatever.. i always say thank you.. anyway sunday eve i cant remember how it came about but he said "ive worked hard for you today"... this sentence totally made me cringe! I cant remember how it came about but it made me cringe.... its not the first time ges said it and ive told him its cringey.

My q. is how would u take this comment?

He often needs praise for things he does and has said in the past he doesnt want to be taken for granted etc.. i get that but i always say thanks! He makes a deal about 'washing up.. shall i wash and u dry... these 6 items!!.. " whereas im like i could get that done with no duscussion in about 5 mins.. im a busy person, work, kids a house.. i see a job doing and i just do it! I dont make a drama or require extensive gratitude.. is he just a typical man??

The next time he says it, tell him exactly what it costs you to host him at your house, eating your food while you pay the increased bills he causes.

Alternatively, slow clap him whilst asking if he’d like a medal.

Does he say "ive worked hard for you today" when you go to his place?

Oh gawd! It will only get worse. End it now!

How'd you mean butterfly?

Doesn't live with you 'yet', how can you be contemplating it when he already makes you cringe? The need for reassurance and praise will become tedious, and if kids come, god help you when the attention is taken from him!

You find him patronising and irritating. You don't live with him. If he does move in I guarantee it won't be long before you regret it.
Please end it now, it's so much easier than untangling messy house details etc.

Next time he says it say "Did your Mum used to say that to your Dad?" Just to see where he's learned it.

Maybe he started saying it in a previous relationship because she liked him to "work for her"

Either way it's fucking weird. tell him if he keeps it up, you're leaving.

Patronising is the least of your problems with this bloke....
He's telling you who he is....

Sounds like you have a sexist idiot on your hands..

He sees all these tasks as your sole DUTY...

I would either dump... Or tell him you beleive in sharing household tasks equally...

A mature grown man doesn't look for praise after everything they've done. Things they SHOULD be doing.

He sounds like a manipulative twat. Does he want an award for things an adult should be doing? Dump this man child NOW.

Is he saying it in a serious way or in a joking way?

He thinks these jobs are yours really, but he's being really magnanimous and 'helping' out. Ditch him or be prepared for a long and hard period of re-training.

You could try saying it back to him - to see his re-action...........

I second saying it back to him. See how he reacts to it if you do it as nauseam.

**ad nauseam - even.

Do you say that to him when you are at his?

I would hate that - even just taking the time to point out that they’ve ‘done a job’ is so tiring. I started doing it back - I scrubbed the bath, did you notice? Etc definitely the case he sees it as ‘your job really’ but loads of men are just brought up like this. How far you’ll be able to get him to even see the problem depends on his temperament. My husband can see it now but took many arguments! (And he’s lovely) good luck!

In my family - the one in which I grew up - we did lots of mutual gratitude. Whoever cooked was thanked, whenever anybody returned with food shooping they were thanked, then the one who took over and put the food away was thanked. Any sort of spring cleaning was noticed and acknowledged... This applied equally to everyone in the household. In a way it was nice, but it was also tedious. I have cut way back on it since growing up, but I admit that I may sulk if I do a big task which passes unnoticed by DP and both teens.

I do see why you might find this habit needy and annoying. Tell him to cut it out, or try doing it back to him to see whether he is willing to dish out the same praise which he expects from you. Of course, if he is ready to be just as grateful to you as he expects you to be toward him, you'll have a different problem on your hands, but at least that is "just" annoying rather than one-sided.

I can see why you would be annoyed by the demand to praise someone for every little thing.

Ugh
Cocklodger springs to mind.
He's behaving like a child waiting for a reward. Eeew

I’d probably say ‘for yourself you mean?’ If he says no he works hard for you, dismiss it with ‘But you’re an adult and it’s appropriate to pull your weight, you’re not doing me a favoyr’

‘Do you think you’re doing my jobs for me? Because I’m a woman?’

Do you ever:
Cook for him
Pay for food/drink for him to eat
Clear up after him
Wash his clothes
Help him in any other way?

If so, according to his standards, you need a medal each and every time.

He sounds awful OP. He thinks that ordinary day to day chores are someone else's (your) responsibility.

I'd think twice about living with him.

I would second correcting him with 'np you work hard for you not for me'. You contribute when you're here because it's only fair isn't it? I always reinforce with my DH that I don't need him to be a martyr and work hard to 'provide' for me. I can do it myself thanks but I do expect someone I'm in a relationship with to contribute fairly. Have you met his parents? Do they have quite traditional roles?

Does he work?

He does sound like an 11yo boy trying to justify his pocket money. That would have my bits slamming shut and staying shut!

My stbxh used to say "I've done x for you" just one of the many reasons he is now ex