To find my oh patronising and irritating?

[Irritatedlady777]

My oh doesnt live with me yet but spends alot of time at mine. He has an annoying habit of saying "ive wirked hard for you today".. say ive cooked and hes washed up but slmetimes he does more than just wash up he cleans or whatever.. i always say thank you.. anyway sunday eve i cant remember how it came about but he said "ive worked hard for you today"... this sentence totally made me cringe! I cant remember how it came about but it made me cringe.... its not the first time ges said it and ive told him its cringey.

My q. is how would u take this comment?

He often needs praise for things he does and has said in the past he doesnt want to be taken for granted etc.. i get that but i always say thanks! He makes a deal about 'washing up.. shall i wash and u dry... these 6 items!!.. " whereas im like i could get that done with no duscussion in about 5 mins.. im a busy person, work, kids a house.. i see a job doing and i just do it! I dont make a drama or require extensive gratitude.. is he just a typical man??

This is your home. As he stays there regularly, it is normal to contribute both physically and financially. Sounds like a stingy man. Do you really want him saying things like he does stuff for your dc for you?

I'd find it deeply unsexy and off-putting and unintelligent and would get rid. It won't get any better.

Agree with pp, he's saying he's done you a favour by 'helping' you do your jobs and you're not grateful enough.

Is this your dp?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=zi8ShAosqzI

Offer him a sticker or a gold star.

God he's one of those. If you move in together he'll expect a standing ovation every time he lifts a finger of what are really your jobs by virtue of having a vagina.

I'd run, run fast.

Get some of those cheap plastic medals and present him with one every time he does something

"You're not a dog, why do you want a pat on the head?"

Hahahaha lol it makes me laugh people saying men don't need praise? They bloody do all the time in loads of different ways.
A man feels he's done extra when he looks after his own dc for a few hours, and normal make comments like it good you got to have time to yourself?

I think it's more he wants to show you he's providing or has worth for you to want to keep him.
Lots of things people say make me cringe, but I would just address it ' is he working hard and financially helping? Or does it sound like he's pushing to move in with you full time?

I think it's more he wants to show you he's providing or has worth for you to want to keep him.

Doing his own dishes is hardly proving his 'worth' that's the least you would expect from a partner! It hardly deserves a round of applause!

Op think really hard about whether you want a lifetime of this? Praising him every time he lifts a finger to do his share of housework? Its going to get tedious very quickly. I couldnt be bothered he sounds like a bloody teenager.
I would be telling him to fish for compliments elsewhere. asking him wtaf he thinks you do all day and where is your praise for working hard and providing for him to stay at yours ?

I know that some people do like to be thanked but in your position OP I think I’d end up being massively sarcastic.

What happens if you wash up at his house? Maybe next time tell him ‘oh look how hard I’ve worked for you today’

Or maybe next time he says it at your house. Tell him you’ve also worked hard for him too, cooking tea, washing etc. Trouble is you may end up in a competition as to who’s done what.

It would drive me nuts tho.

God he's one of those. If you move in together he'll expect a standing ovation every time he lifts a finger of what are really your jobs by virtue of having a vagina

This

This isn't typical man behaviour, it's typical man boy behaviour! Cut it off now. I like the idea of cheap medals! My boyfriend, who I live with, has never ever wanted praise for washing up or making dinner - we just take it turns or do it together. If he uttered the phrase "I've done the washing up for you" after washing up a few bits from dinner he would be told in no uncertain terms that that was not okay!

This would annoy me. Reminds me of my ex who used to say (and still does) 'I work my ass off! What do you do'. He would never acknowledge anything I'd done but I was expected to offer sympathy and praise for everything he did. The thing is, he didn't 'work his ass off'. He went to work 9-5, no weekends and expected me to do everything around the house and moaned about doing anything in the garden and expected me to do half of that because I was 'home all day'. 'It's a piece of piss' he'd say. I dumped him in the end. 

I am sure Cynthia Payne could give you some ideas of something a little harder for him to do than everyday chores. :o

Well quite apart from the fact that Cynthia Payne has been dead for several years, I really can't see the point of that remark at all MsMighty

Ever tempted to hand him a pile of ironing I have a massive one you can use and say 'Since you love working so so so hard for me darling...'
Mr dress knows what happens if he slips and says things like this (normally he's brilliant and we split jobs 50-50 as we both work FT, and we both make a mess) he gets sarky bitch sequence, and she's a right caaaah!
PP is right, either dump, or commit to training, but I couldn't be arsed training a grown up man - i prefer them fully formed!!

DP: "I've worked hard for you today!"

OP: "Yes, and I worked hard to provide money to buy the food you've just eaten, pay for the gas/electricity for cooking it, the water rates and heating of the water for washing up, the lighting, the toilet you'll be missing and splashing pee on the floor, the chair and table you sat at, the sofa/comfy chair you will sit in soon, the bed you may or not get to sleep in later. Want to make it into a competition?"

It's not a typical man reaction.

When dh does something around the house he's been known to mention it is done, not so he can be praised all evening for doing it but so I know it doesn't need done anymore. One more thing to cross off the list.

My dp once made the mistake of saying to me 'I've hoovered for you'. He hasn't done it again.