to be annoyed that dm is going to spend christmas with dsis again this year

[LittleBookofCalm]

and we will have Whole Family Christmas at another date?
Surely this should be turn taking,
Although dm gets on my nerves and stresses me I did kind of want her company on Christmas day, but I hadnt got round to mentioning it because we normally have alternate christmas and this year she is due with Us.
The other date may well not be convenient as we ALL work!
hey two of us may well be workign on christmas day, I am, for a few hours
shall i speak up

Xmas 2019 I meant!

If you hadn't mentioned it or invited her already, perhaps she just accepted the first invitation.

Maybe DM has become aware that you get stressed when she is there, and has decided to go somewhere where she feels welcome.

Why not invite her ( enthusiastically) to spend a day with you later ,preferably when you are not working .

This isn't about your DCs wanting to spend Xmas with her is it? Sounds like jealousy of your Dsis. Can't you join them at DSis after you finish work?

she probably did accept the first invitation.
It is like an elephant in the room
in the past she has said ds has invited me but I want to come to you!
she is the instigator, but we fall into a pattern of alternate years.
all the dc are adults.
i wonder if i ring her she will change her plans?
i could offer ours but it will be a Different Christmas, which she may not like anyway.

thanks all, for helping me sort it out in my head

“I was a bit upset when you said you were going to dsis for Christmas as I thought we did alternate years! Can I invite you now for next year? I’m actually working for a few hours on Christmas Day so probably best to keep things as they are this year but wanted to make sure you knew we all love to have you over on Christmas Day.”

good hermione i will say that!

both our families have a minefield of stresses,

i think Hermione has it spot on (we all get irritated by our DParents - you're only human)

good luck

I’d love not to have guests and just chill :)

You didn't ask, so she doesn't know.
You don't know if you're available Christmas Day as you may be working.

How can you expect someone to attend when you don't know your plans yet for Xmas day and haven't even asked her yet?

Let her go and enjoy Xmas day and you enjoy your day.

i wonder if i ring her she will change her plans?

I think if she’s a nice, well-meaning person, this will put her in a very awkward position, seeing as she’s already accepted her other daughter’s invitation.

I think this is something you need to discuss between the 3 of you.

You can't really expect people to come to you for Christmas if you're not going to be there, can you?

hmm, i am only working for a few hours

no, i will go with the flow,
i think she is tryign to do right by my ds, who has had a tough year

i may say you are welcome here, if plans fall through, or welcome anyway, if its easier and if you would like

Why don't you invite them all over. If your sister has had such a tough year suggest it will be nice to all get together.

Your sister had had a tough year, you're working anyway, your DC are adults, why is this an issue? Call her explain you know she's going to DSis' this year and understand why, you're working anyway but would love to have her over for next year . Done.

we have no space, but i guess we could stand, buffet style

the issue is we would have liked her company

But you didnt invite her. And it would have been rude for her to assume.

So she has to wait while you work? YABU. Go visit them at your sisters after work

It’s just one day. Could you ask her to come on Christmas Eve or some other part of the festivities? You could have two christmasses.

ds is too far away.

If you haven’t invited her then you can’t complain that she is going elsewhere