According to my 14 year old ....

[Dontgiveamonkeys1350]

I’m being completely unresonable by not letting him have his phone after a certain time in the evening.

Apparently every other teenager is allowed their phones when they are in bed.

Im a terrible mother.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who makes their child come off the computer at a reasonable time and plug phones in outside of their bedrooms. Then I can feel less terrible

no smart phones in our house....we are thinking of a wifi off time for laptops but tbh that would only affect me......due to suffering from depression and poor sleep regulation it would be bloody useful for me to have enforced off time.

DH and I often go out for brunch on Sundays. We see the same people each week as many of the customers are local and regulars. There are a couple of families; parents and children probably between 9-15 years old and all of them spend almost the whole time there on their phones, rarely looking up, let alone talking to each other. We will be continuing with the no phones at meals- ever.

No restrictions for my DD, and no, she isn't watching porn at night. to that poster.

I have given my daughter the tools to know right from wrong, education about safety online and she is far better at managing her screen time than both me and her dad. She turns her phone off herself at a time she has decided, which is sensible. I have never considered taking her phone away as she has never given me reason not to trust her.

She's extremely sensible though, a rare kind of teen (she will check reviews before watching shows/films, even if she's old enough to watch).

No restrictions for my DD, and no, she isn't watching porn at night. hmm to that poster.

I have given my daughter the tools to know right from wrong, education about safety online and she is far better at managing her screen time than both me and her dad. She turns her phone off herself at a time she has decided, which is sensible. I have never considered taking her phone away as she has never given me reason not to trust her.

She's extremely sensible though, a rare kind of teen (she will check reviews before watching shows/films, even if she's old enough to watch).

I don't know whether that is directed at me but I would have put my son in the same category as your daughter. He is the type of child who will leave the room if he thinks a programme is not suitable and in fact excused himself from a film showing at school because he thought it was unnecessarily upsetting and not age appropriate. He is a sensible child who "knows right from wrong" and is very much a rule follower.

He wasn't watching pornhub, he was on a Harry Potter fanfiction site. He was reading made up stories about the Harry Potter universe. But these were not HP JKR style they focus on "relationships". The extract I read last night had Voldemort touching Harry inappropriately at school and Harry getting aroused. There were others where the roles were gender swapped and Harry is a girl but they also have seriously inappropriate sexual elements. Disturbing stuff and not what I want him reading. He was really upset when we discussed it and said he realised that it was wrong once he got to those bits in the stories but it had all become a bit addictive. He had been shown the site at school by others (on their phones not on school computers)

So your daughter might be practically perfect in every way but that does not mean that she is immune to coming across inappropriate stuff on the internet There is a lot of it out there.

No it wasn’t directed at you, user, it was directed at TheDayMyButtWentPsycho. And I do not think my daughter is “practically perfect in every way”; nor am I naive to think she’ll never come across anything inappropriate. Taking her phone away at night isn’t going to stop it happening which was the point of the OP.

She is nearly 16 and so has in the past read, seen, heard about inappropriate things, it’s her reaction to it I trust.

No phones during the night here either (11 and 13), I don't want it to be the last thing they see and the first thing they see.

It's a rule they don't love but generally there's no major fuss made either.

So glad I've read this thread though as I realise I'm not the only one!

DS1 is 17, and his phone has to be charging in the kitchen by 10.30 on a school night. He can have it later on weekend nights, but it still has to be left in the kitchen overnight. We get a bit of mild grumbling once in a while but generally he's pretty chilled about it.

How on earth can you know what your daughter/son looks at when you're not there

You also can't control what your child talks about with friends at school, or anywhere else. @MaddieElla I think this is the most sensible approach by far. They will encounter dodgy material, dodgy situations as they get older and rather than trying to keep it from them or watch out for them, talking them about how they will handle it will actually be a lasting method. Plenty of young people go nuts at uni just because they're given the freedom to do things they couldn't under their parent's roof. Giving them the tools to manage in young adulthood is lasting.

I work in a boarding school and we take phones from Y9 and 10 pupils as they go to bed. The older ones have theirs. Only minimal moaning - they basically accept that it is a good thing.

My son has his 24 hours. I believe in teaching self control.
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This. I do exactly the same and have never had any problems. If he wanted to access porn, he could do it just as well at 3pm.

He normally plugs it in at 9:00pm and goes to bed. In fact, he often tells me off for being on my phone too much.

GreenandBlueButterfly . Spot on. !
I have had three teenagers . Now 23,21 and 16. I have never policed their phones. I work in law enforcement. I know what happens . I know the dangers but I also believe they have to self regulate and know when to speak to me if anything gets difficult. We have mutual trust.

I wouldn't dream of invading their privacy. They wouldn't dream of not talking to me if their is trouble. There was - once. In the day time. Inappropriate picture scenario. My child came straight to me and we dealt with it .

If you helicopter parent your children how on earth do they learn to protect themselves? And to know when they should involve others if they can't learn that now- when the people who they should be able to speak to about ANYTHING are acting as censors.

Porn doesn't start at 9pm !

Despite my children having their phones with them all night. They have all managed to pass GCSE's in fine style . One is at med school and the other in 4th year writing dissertation on track for a first.
Let them be.

Funnily enough I don't have any reservations about censoring my 13 YO's access to porn..

I don't police what my 17yo looks at. I did when he was younger, but not now. I still don't allow phones overnight though - not because of what he might be looking at, but purely because I want him to get a decent night's sleep.

DS14 hands over his phone when he goes to bed, I charge it in my bedroom and he doesn't get it back til he is in the car on the way to school. Works for us!

It seems that I am a hugely slack parent :(
My DC have their phones all the time. Although from this thread it looks like everyone else doesn't, so presumably no-one to communicate with late at night.

My 14 year old is far too fond of her beauty sleep to stay up late. I believe in allowing them to learn how to discipline themselves while they are young. And yes, it is probably embarrassing and isolating for him.

When DS first started using social media it was on condition that I could check it periodically and then we would chat about any inappropriate postings his or his friends. They were all 11yrs old and most of it was fine. However I came across a conversation that had taken place after 11pm which I screen shot and took into school for the headmaster to deal with ( school are very keen on being involved with any social media problems and actively encourage reporting by parents).
The parent of the child involved was very smug that her daughter wasn’t allowed on any social media and couldn’t understand other parents allowing access to such rubbish. How I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when she found out.
The details are too outing but it was a serious safeguarding issue and the parents could well have been investigated by the police if the images had gone onto public domains.

We do this as well

Downstairs here too

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So many posts late at night on this thread saying they take phones away at night for sleep etc. Maybe practice what you preach.

Put a filter on the broadband and stick to your rules. You pay for the phone