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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I hire this carpenter when I don't like his FB feed?

111 replies

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 04/11/2018 21:32

Guy I sort of know from my running club was recommended to me by a friend to do some fencing and decking work in my garden.

I 'friended' him on FB and see that he's a bit of a twat - posting 'cheeky' pics of women having their bums groped, or pulling a moony etc.
Daft memes about sex and stuff.

I don't feel like he would be some sort of threatening predator or anything, but he just seems like a slime.

AIBU? Obv I can hire who I like, but am wondering if I'm being a bit up myself!

OP posts:
PerverseConverse · 05/11/2018 08:09

No way would I have someone like that in my home or even associate with them. Slime indeed.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/11/2018 08:14

Well you’ve made the decision now.

I’d stay off Facebook in future and communicate with tradespeople by WhatsApp. I wouldn’t give someone I didn’t know access to my private life and I wouldn’t be reading about theirs. You don’t need to know anything other than the quality of his work.

TheStoic · 05/11/2018 08:22

You don’t need to know anything other than the quality of his work.

Some people have other values, higher than ‘quality of work’. Such as not giving money to racist misogynists.

I think more people should check out the people they’re thinking of hiring. Companies do it, why shouldn’t we?

ZackPizzazz · 05/11/2018 08:29

There's no way I would have someone with creepy rapey views in my home. It's my safe space and I choose who enters. I can hire a carpenter who doesn't think women being violated is hilarious.

Pickupthephone · 05/11/2018 08:32

Some of the replies on here are sooo weird. Since when did misogyny become a religion?

And OP you’ve obviously declined now, which is great. You have the right to decline to have anyone in your home if you don’t want them there. And you don’t have to give your money to someone you don’t feel comfortable with - it’s your money.

Pickupthephone · 05/11/2018 08:34

Also, if he has those kinds of views, it’s not unlikely that he’ll be that awful kind of tradesman that doesn’t think he should have to take orders from a woman - even if she is paying him.

differentnameforthis · 05/11/2018 08:34

You don’t need to know anything other than the quality of his work. Well that's not strictly true. I would want to know who I invite into my home, and get to do work for me.

Potential employers also look at facebook at their applicants, and as a person who wants to employ someone to do her decking, op has every right to vet who she wants. He decided to add her, so on his own head be it.

People should be called on their shit.

PipGoesPop · 05/11/2018 08:40

No. It's an insight into his personality. When I was looking for builders to do work on my house I ruled one out immediately because he spent the whole time we were discussing the work talking to my boobs. I'm sure his work was fine but I couldn't be dealing with that every day.

AamdC · 05/11/2018 08:44

Well its up.to you realistically i would hire people who could do a good job and give me a good price .

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/11/2018 08:45

I have people in my life with whom I cannot avoid engaging, but who hold views which are totally obnoxious to me. It’s really best not to know what’s going on in people’s heads. If he’s a good carpenter, I’d hire him. He wouldn’t be getting chocolate Hobnobs though.

Sparklesocks · 05/11/2018 08:50

I think it’s quite offensive comparing choosing not to hire someone because their use of sexualising women memes to nazi Germany.

Christ. Free speech means you’re free to say what you like, it doesn’t mean you’re exempt from consequences of that speech.

ZackPizzazz · 05/11/2018 08:58

you are basically saying he is guilty of wrong think and therefore shouldn't be allowed to work.

Oh please. If you don't shop at Waitrose because you can't afford to, are you saying Waitrose employees shouldn't be allowed to work?

You get to give your business to whoever you want, for whatever reasons you want.

spinabifidamom · 05/11/2018 09:02

Don't hire him. There are lots of decent tradesmen out there. Hire someone else to do the job.

spinabifidamom · 05/11/2018 09:08

"This"

Original poster
TheOrigRightsofwomen · 05/11/2018 09:09

He's written back and explained he's not anti-Muslim and is quite upset that I've judged him on what I see on FB.

[shrug] Maybe it will make him think.

Of course I have to engage with people whose views I disagree with, but I have a choice here, which I have exercised.

OP posts:
ZackPizzazz · 05/11/2018 09:45

He's written back and explained he's not anti-Muslim and is quite upset that I've judged him on what I see on FB.

Riiiight. Cos it's all just banter innit, and he totally has Muslim friends, and anyway "racist" is the worst thing you can call someone and he has never personally racially assaulted anyone so he's not a racist. Obvs.

Well, at least he might just think twice about his Facebook page, even if he doesn't change his views.

glamorousgrandmother · 05/11/2018 09:46

People can think what they like but if they choose to broadcast it on Facebook that's another level. I sometimes put political (Labour party) memes on FB but I am prepared to stand by those things and not say I didn't really mean them.

safariboot · 05/11/2018 09:54

YANBU.

Political views I might be able to ignore but casual misogyny from someone I'm letting into my home is another matter. And since he let you see it, he obviously doesn't think it's anything wrong which is even more concerning.

QuizzlyBear · 05/11/2018 09:54

I had a tiler round to quote for us - when I asked a perfectly reasonable question about style, he said 'look, I think it's better if I discuss this with your husband'.

He also saw a photo of my husband with my kids (DH is of mixed race) and said 'nice kids - at least they look white, right?'

He barely left with his balls. I still get the rage when I think about him and no, we definitely didn't hire him - our money, our choice.

MrDonut · 05/11/2018 10:59

He's written back and explained he's not anti-Muslim and is quite upset that I've judged him on what I see on FB.

Well, yes. That's what people do. They judge you by what you post on Facebook. Plenty of people out there have lost jobs because of posting stuff they shouldn't have on FB.

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/11/2018 17:37

You may not be thought police, but you are basically saying he is guilty of wrong think and therefore shouldn't be allowed to work.

Get a grip, for heaven's sake.

You do realise people are free to exercise choice over who they admit into their own homes?

And that free speech works both ways? He's free to say it; the OP's free to disagree?

Bin85 · 05/11/2018 17:58

Use check a trade

YvesHappy · 05/11/2018 21:26

No way.

RedPanda2 · 05/11/2018 21:59

Absolutely not. Mysogynists should be stamped out.
I didn't use a joiner as his feed had loads of Tommy Robinson stuff on it (supporting him). I don't need to give my money to racists.

Nearlyadad · 05/11/2018 22:15

Well done to the OP for not only not hiring him but also going one better and telling him why.