God yes, you should cut as many ties as possible. You really don't need to be talking to him as much as you are at all. He's totally controlling and you're still being emotionally abused by him.
And again, it doesn't matter if he blames you - it's not true.
Grey rock is basically about being as boring and unresponsive as possible in order to shut down interaction. (don't get caught up in whether the person is a narcissist or not if you're googling it, just think of it as a technique for handling difficult people).
"There’s an old saying that is quite relevant here: you can’t get blood from a stone.
In this case, you are the stone (or rock) and the blood is any behavior that provides the narcissist with the supply they crave.
Keep dialogue to an absolute minimum. If you don’t have to talk to them, don’t. Stay in the car when you drop your kids off at their house. Sit at the other end of the table for family meals. Ask to move desk away from them at work. Avoid interacting with them as much as possible. But don’t make a big thing out of it as this will just give them ammunition.
When you do have to talk to them, stick to tedious subjects like the weather. If they ask questions, give short, uninspiring answers that can’t possibly lead to further conversation.
They ask, “how are you?” and you respond “fine, thanks.”
They ask, “what did you do at the weekend?” and you respond “I did my laundry and mowed the lawn.”
If they respond with “you’ve become boring,” just nod and smile in agreement (they don’t have to know that you disagree wholeheartedly with that statement).
A simple yes and no will suffice where appropriate, but sometimes you won’t want to commit to an answer if it means giving an opinion. In these cases a non-binding “hmmmm,” “maybe,” or “we’ll see” will do.
Never talk about your personal life, even the smallest details. They will hook their claws into any morsel of information you provide and use it to try and further the conversation and extract narcissistic supply from you. They want to know what you value in your life now. They envy what you have (regardless of what it is), and if they can’t have it, they will seek to take it from you somehow. Don’t give them the chance; remain secretive about your new life without them.
Never tell them how well you are doing (as much as it might please you to rub their noses in it). Remember, they are driven by their egos, and any suggestion that you are better off without them or that they are in some way inferior to you will be seen as an affront to their identity. They see themselves as above everyone else in every regard, and if you imply that you are doing better than they are, it will enrage them.
Do not ask them questions. Even if it seems like harmless small talk, as soon as you engage with them and ask them about their life, it gives them the green light to reel off a list of their recent accomplishments (whether true or fabricated) to belittle you. Or they might rant about a mutual acquaintance to see if you’ll react in any way. Don’t give them a platform. Don’t pander to their need for attention.
Try to stick to facts wherever possible. Parents’ evening is at 7pm on Wednesday. The doctor has given them (your son/daughter) antibiotics to take every 8 hours. We have 5 new clients this month. Statements that the narcissist will struggle to challenge because they are not subject to interpretation. The last thing you want to do is get into a debate with them.
Avoid mention of the past at all costs. You don’t want to revisit those dark times even if they do. By bringing up your history, you risk the resurfacing of old wounds and arguments. You’ll also be faced with the blame game which is never a game you can win.
If this should happen, one tactic which can help to diffuse the situation is to publicly accept responsibility for the problems you faced together (even if you don’t accept it on the inside). Any attempt to apportion some of the blame on them will only be met with denial, defensiveness, and attacks on you.
The Gray Rock Method is not always easy, but it is often effective. You might want to scream at them at times, but by biting your tongue and not flinching when they try to get a response, you will starve them of the drama they feed off. Rather than go without it (which is simply not an option for them), a narcissist will look elsewhere for a new source of supply."