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Need advice: AIBU with DS over school school

57 replies

Nickersnackersnockers · 04/11/2018 13:31

He is 11. Needs a new pair of school shoes, has had a massive growth spurt. He refused all the school shoes in the shop and chose a pair of men's dress shoes. Like you'd wear with a dinner jacket. We said no.

Tried compromising, and showed him the kids version with a thicker sole, but he says if he can't have the ones he likes he doesn't want any. There were 140 pairs of school shoes on the website but he won't budge.

We explained he does a lot of walking and cycling and pointed out he comes home blathered in mud every day from lunch times fighting with his mates and playing football etc.

This will end in tears, and they'll most likely be mine. WWWD?

OP posts:

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 04/11/2018 20:42

I'm also thinking, an 11 year old who has just had a massive growth spurt, is likely to have another one quite soon and need new shoes anyway. So I'd just buy him the shoes he wants, they probably won't fit him for long anyway. I'm quite old, but I still remember how it felt at that age when you needed the "right" thing. Luckily for me, my mum understood too. If you dismiss your DCs' "silly" ideas about shoes, don't be surprised if they don't come to you with their "silly" ideas about other things. They know far better than you do what's cool or what will help them feel confident at school. My mum could tell me I need to wear a big waterproof coat and welly boots to work in the winter cos it's more practical. But I want to look stylish, not just be practical. And since she still buys me a lot of my work clothes, yes, she does get to have an opinion 


Busybusybust · 04/11/2018 20:45

He’s 11 FFS. Why is he in charge?


CherryPavlova · 04/11/2018 20:51

He’s 11. Give him six options to choose from no more. Otherwise it’s be uncomfortable and learn when you’re well off.


Tohaveandtohold · 04/11/2018 21:08

I would just buy it for him to be honest since money is not an object. I never had the ‘in’ thing whilst growing up, in fact, I didn’t even have the basic things anyway so my thinking is biased.


Oneweekleft · 04/11/2018 21:18

I think if your not concerned about the price then you should buy them. If he's cycling to school surely they'd actually get less wear and tear than if he was walking? It's important to them at that age to look a certain way and he'll be the one wearing them all day so if it helps him feel confident then it's worth it imo. Maybe tell him you'll buy them this one time but if they get ruined quickly he'll have to get the ones you suggested next time.


DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 04/11/2018 21:37

I think your ds needs to try on the different shoes before making demands anyway.

In our experience (17 yr old, size 10.5 feet) the adult style shoes are fine lengthwise but too wide (even slim fit), making them loose on top of the foot. It depends on your son's foot shape as to whether or not adult shoes will be a good fit.

As for what you are willing to buy him, that is another thing all together. Is there room for compromise from both sides? Finding a similar pair of shoes from elsewhere that are similar to your choice and similar to his choice? (Would probably by hard to find though.)

Or would you buy him something to your liking and would he be willing to save up for/pay towards his choice? This way he can have the adult style to wear and if they aren't suitable he has your choice to fall back on. Or if they don't stand up to football he takes the hit moneywise but still has another pair to wear - a little lesson in money management and heeding other people's advice. Also, having two pairs means he can alternate them and they won't get as stinky as if he wore the same pair all day every day, and unless he grows out of them he could even wear out both pairs and you haven't had to go through buying the same size shoes at two different times.


Shednik · 04/11/2018 22:00

I'd let him have the ones he wants. Isn't it his problem if he has wet feet? It doesn't affect you? Your feet will be dry.

I have an 11 year old ds. I wouldn't tell him what shoes he has to have as long as they were within budget.

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