AIBU demanding friends

[Zippy1510]

I suspect I am BU and this is the 4 hours of sleep talking (DS is a terrible sleeper) but once again I find that instead of looking forward to spending my Sunday with my DH and DS, I’m lying here grumpily anticipating a flurry of texts trying to dictate how I spend my day and me having to plan what I’m going to be cooking for a crowd this evening. Backstory: me and DH moved cities a few years ago as we both got new jobs, we made lots of lovely new friends and had a fairly active social life. Last year we had DS (now 13 months) and since then things have understandably changed. We’ve made an effort to spend time with everyone regularly but as we can’t go out in the evening like we used to this had meant we have been inviting people over to ours more, either for drinks or food. The issue is it seems to have become a weekly event- and even without an invite every Sunday we get a flurry of texts saying “when shall I pop over later” or “what time we be good for a visit”. Whilst we love spending time with everyone- this is getting exhausting. Sometimes I just want to relax with DS before another week at work (me and DH both work full time). AIBU to say I would like to spend the day by ourselves? I find myself making excuses for why we can’t see everyone but each time I’ve done this it’s resulted in them insisting they pop over midweek after work (usually on different days) Which I find difficult with working long hours, feeding the family and housework. What would you say to try and get some space without offending anyone?

AIBU to ask your hosting/dinner tips zippy? I can never think what to make when people come round and you are obviously doing something right!!

Clutterbugs message cracked me up!! Hope it was a joke?!

It sounds like you have a really devoted friends there, the offer to cook is lovely. In your position I'd be letting them know that it's getting a bit overwhelming every weekend and you'll be having at least one or two Sundays a month to yourselves, and then getting a bit more proactive about setting up dates and times in advance so it doesn't fall to a flurry of texts on the day.

Fluffymutt- of course but I don’t think we do anything that special. It’s all very informal and we tend to let people serve themselves and then all cosy up around the wood burner to eat with a few glasses of wine or a beer or two. Last week was slow cooked lamb ragu, spaghetti and salad, before that beef and ale stew and sour dough bread, we also often do a sunday roast, DH has a sous vide so we like to crack that out on a weekend when we have a bit of time- our favourite so far is black treacle beef and dauphinois potatoes. We also frequently do “tex mex” as DH is American and Sunday is NFL day at the moment. So then it’s a slow cooked chilli with rice and we whip up some guacamole and salsa to go with it.

No wonder you have friends clamouring to come round! That food all sounds delicious😋

Well I'm just amazed and a little bit jealous of your great social life and lots of mates who want to spend time with you! It sounds lovely, people just coming over and having good food, conversation and a drink of an evening. If I get this once every few months I count myself lucky! But in all seriousness it's not unreasonable to reset your boundaries/availability as your circumstances have changed and good friends won't be offended. Can't believe someone offered to come cook for you! I need these people in my life

I had to Google what a 'sous vide' is. I am also not surprised you have guests wanting to come over! Would you like to go friends for dinner or just want more time with family? Im asking as I think I might feel I couldn't reciprocate your fantastic hosting as I unwrap a pizza to put in the oven!

Say no. Can’t be really hard hard.

Oops !
What I meant to say was you don’t need an excuse , wanting a family day is a good enough reason.

I do enjoy popping over to theirs for food, as they are all great cooks. It just usually has to be either me or DH going as DS is ready for bed by the time they tend to begin the evening. They are great friends and we realise we are lucky to have them- but I must admit I’ve had a lovely evening lazing about with DH and DS, eating Tesco pizza and am just about ready for bed myself smile

I think you and they sound v lucky to have such a close friendship, as long as they are able to reciprocate and maybe can cook at yours/bring food and wine. I would treasure them, but yes say no occasionally.

Can I come next weekend?

I can babysit your ds overnight the night before and keep him for the day up until we come round, then you will have had a good nights sleep and be all refreshed and ready to entertain us with a great meal and chat.

Please, pretty please.

Seriously though, as a parent you just sometimes have to tell people you need a weekend off and will get together another time. Does sound like your friends are understanding and won't be offended if you need a break.

P.S. not saying those with no children at home don't need a break too, but was talking about OPs situation.

They may be glad not to come round to share your familial bliss, been trying to think of an excuse!