AIBU demanding friends

[Zippy1510]

I suspect I am BU and this is the 4 hours of sleep talking (DS is a terrible sleeper) but once again I find that instead of looking forward to spending my Sunday with my DH and DS, I’m lying here grumpily anticipating a flurry of texts trying to dictate how I spend my day and me having to plan what I’m going to be cooking for a crowd this evening. Backstory: me and DH moved cities a few years ago as we both got new jobs, we made lots of lovely new friends and had a fairly active social life. Last year we had DS (now 13 months) and since then things have understandably changed. We’ve made an effort to spend time with everyone regularly but as we can’t go out in the evening like we used to this had meant we have been inviting people over to ours more, either for drinks or food. The issue is it seems to have become a weekly event- and even without an invite every Sunday we get a flurry of texts saying “when shall I pop over later” or “what time we be good for a visit”. Whilst we love spending time with everyone- this is getting exhausting. Sometimes I just want to relax with DS before another week at work (me and DH both work full time). AIBU to say I would like to spend the day by ourselves? I find myself making excuses for why we can’t see everyone but each time I’ve done this it’s resulted in them insisting they pop over midweek after work (usually on different days) Which I find difficult with working long hours, feeding the family and housework. What would you say to try and get some space without offending anyone?

Why is everyone so wet. Just say no, not today.
Do these ppl bring food and drink with them or are you paying. Cfs

I would sent a message to all of them saying,

Before we had DS we used to have friends that we went out with and had fun, now we seem to only be used for free food and drink at the weekend.

And while we enjoy seeing all of you we will no longer be providing free food and drink every week. WE will be the ones deciding how and who WE will be spending our Sundays with and these arrangements will be made in advance and NOT on the day.

So if WE haven't arranged something we will be spending the weekend as a family.

Look forward to seeing you all soon.

Sorry meant to add.

It's as if you have moved from 'friend' status to now being the responsible adult and they are treating you like a parent where they can just turn up and be fed and watered.

Bloody hell Clutterbugsmum read the update please. You will see OP is not being used. And she will not send out your incredibly rude message. OP said she talks to most daily, sees some at work and is invited to drinks at the pub or events her friends host - sometimes its easier if people come to you and that is the situation she has found herself in.

At the next meet up, I'd be inclined to say that you and DP have decided to have a family day once a fortnight on a Sunday, so could you guys meet as a group at yours on the alternate Sunday and revert to fortnightly meet ups. They sound like lovely friends making such an effort to still include you when you have a young child. I'm sure they'll understand.

Good lord do not send clutterbugsmum’s message!

Goodness, if clutterbugsmum's message was used I think the next thing could be "we used to have friends, before sending that message"!!

I truly wonder how some people on Mumsnet have any friends if that’s how they interact with people in real life.

Bloody hell, how to lose all your mates in one easy text.

As if anyone would actually send that message! 😂

Yanbu OP. A simple, "can't this week, sorry. Catch up another day?" Should do

Do not do clutterbugs message

Fml

Definitely not Clutterbugs message. You’ll have no friends left!

Just explain you’re tired/exhausted and you’ll see them in the week. Simple!

Family Day is an acceptable excuse! Just say that.

Goodness! I often say no thanks to friends requests to see me, but I am far more polite than clutterbug!

Talk to them, they are your friends. They probably think they are being really supportive by coming to yours each Sunday, it might be a massive inconvenience to them to do this and secretly be really happy youve said you are ready to move to the next chapter in your lives. They may feel obliged to come to yours because of your dc, while actually not wanting to do family oriented stuff each weekend.
If we can’t be honest with our friends, who can be honest with?

And while we enjoy seeing all of you we will no longer be providing free food and drink every week. WE will be the ones deciding how and who WE will be spending our Sundays with and these arrangements will be made in advance and NOT on the day

Way to make everyone think you’re a right twat!

You can say family time or tired, or just sorry, can’t this week. Don’t let it become every single Sunday, you want flexibility on how you spend your day, especially as you’re working. Every Sunday would drive me crazy.

Alfie190 - no you are not the only one .
Op they must really like you and your DH's company (your must be great hosts) and I think it's lovely they are making the effort to come to you now that you cannot get out as much, however, I can understand your wanting some family time alone. I would just be honest and say that you are exhausted and why and that you are all just going to have a lazy day at home to re-charge your batteries before work on Monday.

That message 😂😂😂 don’t send that unless you want to lose all your friends. I would take control of organising things like I said. So book them in for stuff but make it a couple of weeks in the future then they know your not avoiding.

Just say you'll have a pre christmas meet-up/potluck supper as busy in the run up to christmas now and that you will be rearranging things for the new year. Then arrange something like the first Sunday of the month and everyone brings a dish.

Don't send Clutterbugs message, it's very impolite.

You're not being unreasonable, you're allowed family time for gods sake!

Just explain you want an early night. Ether they’ll understand (how could you not?!) or they’ll get annoyed etc. If it’s the latter then bin them and have lots of lovely evenings to yourselves.

“Sorry - we are really shattered this weekend (the baby seems to have given up sleep altogether!), so we are going to have a lazy day and a very early night. Hopefully we will be less exhausted next Sunday. xxx”

Turn phone off. Stay in pj's. Don't let anyone through the door

@LoisWilkerson1 can I politely ask you (and others!) to not use migraine as an excuse? I see it a lot on MN threads!

For those of us frequently having to miss work and social stuff due to attacks, it’s really demoralising that often people assume it’s just an excuse.

Thanks for the advice everyone! I ended up saying we were shattered after DS had a restless night and after a day of DIY (also true) we are ready for bed and we will have to catch up next weekend. One of our friends very kindly offered to come over and cook for us but we have thanked them and said next week we can all chip in and make a better night out of it than we could manage this evening x

Instead of making excuses why not be honest? ‘Thanks so much for thinking of us but we’re just having a family day today as we haven’t had one to ourselves for a while. Can we catch up in a couple of weeks’ time instead?’

I think people will be more understanding if they know the truth.