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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it ok for me and DD to sleep in separate room?

39 replies

Ssshorty · 03/11/2018 21:47

I have a newborn baby, few days old. She's awake ALL NIGHT feeding. I've been sleeping on the sofa downstairs as I prefer it. I can get a cup of tea whenever I want, watch tv, make food etc etc.

DH wants us to sleep upstairs as he wants to help with nappy changes etc. I'd rather just do them myself as I'm up anyway and as I explained, it's a PITA being in bed waking up every 30 mins and having to be quiet, and having to do a supply of snacks to have next to the bed/having to go downstairs to make tea, being in the dark etc etc.

It also hurts my stitches to have to pull myself up in to a sitting position in bed.

AIBU to just want to sleep downstairs with DD? Or should I sleep upstairs in order to keep DH happy?

Nice he wants to help but it makes my night so much longer...

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 03/11/2018 21:51

Sleep upstairs and get DP to make the tea/snacks etc.

Notquitefeelingit · 03/11/2018 21:52

It should be your call because you're the one feeding all the time (I've been there and it WILL get better) but if he is offering to help maybe try starting off the night upstairs with him and let him do changes and help winding. He probably misses you both. Then you could come downstairs later on? It's definitely up to you, though.

seven201 · 03/11/2018 21:53

Hmmmn. I'm not sure. I think my dh would have felt similar to yours. He'd have missed her. We did put a tv in our room once dd arrived so I could watch Downton Abbey boxsets very quietly in the middle of the night for hours. I put everything I would want on the bedside table. I wasn't a massive tea drinker though. I think if he agrees to be your tea boy you should try it.

Bambamber · 03/11/2018 21:53

Do whatever works best for you. Why can't he go downstairs to help with nappy changes?

Singlenotsingle · 03/11/2018 21:53

Tell DH he can sleep downstairs as well. Maybe an inflatable mattress on the floor

LucyAutumn · 03/11/2018 21:55

Do what works best for you, if he wants to help then give him a specific time to come and help or get him to sleep downstairs too.

TillyTheTiger · 03/11/2018 21:56

Do whatever is easiest for you - you're the one recovering from childbirth and physically feeding a newborn. Your DH's job is to support in whatever way he can, and his feelings should not take priority over your needs at this time.

superking · 03/11/2018 21:58

YANBU. I spent the first few weeks on the sofa with both my DSs for all of the reasons you've mentioned. (nb they were in a Moses basket, not on the sofa with me! In the very early days of recovery from my section I would call DH on my phone to deal with any nappy changes!

Original poster
Ssshorty · 03/11/2018 21:58

It's my choice to sleep downstairs. We have no tv upstairs and our sofa is SO comfy. It's only really until he isn't nocturnal anymore. Just don't want DH to feel pushed out...

OP posts:
Original poster
Ssshorty · 03/11/2018 21:59

she

OP posts:
Darkstar4855 · 03/11/2018 21:59

YANBU but it’s nice that he wants to be involved. Maybe you could give him other ways to help instead e.g. housework, meals, changing nappies in the day etc?

tenbob · 03/11/2018 22:00

Is there any risk of you falling asleep on the sofa with the baby during or after a feed?
If so, you should be in the bed

Sleeping on a sofa with a baby is SO incredibly dangerous that is there is the slightest chance it would happen, you have to move

EyUpOurKid · 03/11/2018 22:04

You have just given me a flashback to when DS was a tiny newborn. I slept on the couch sat up with him in his Moses basket next to me. Two litre bottles of juice, my charger, painkillers and Netflix. Such find memories.

Do whatever is most comfortable for you and keeps you happy.

Original poster
Ssshorty · 03/11/2018 22:04

@tenbob she's in a crib next to me. It's a portable one from mothercare so very safe. I always sit on the edge of the sofa to feed so no chance of falling asleep. Terrified of SIDS.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 03/11/2018 22:09

YANBU, this isn't about making things easier for your DH, it's about making things as easy as possible for you. If he's so keen to change nappies he could certainly pop down to check on you both?

JudgeyMuch · 03/11/2018 22:13

It's early days and you should do whatever is easiest and most comfortable for you. You've been pregnant, have just given birth, you are still establishing feeding and are getting used to being a mum.
Your baby is safe.
Things will be different in a few weeks' time.
Congratulations on your baby.

Unihorn · 03/11/2018 22:19

My husband and I slept downstairs with the baby in a Moses basket for the first 4 weeks of her life because we lived in a 3 storey townhouse and it hurt my stitches. Nothing wrong with it at all

Vixxxy · 03/11/2018 22:28

Do whatever makes it easier/better for you. And explain why to DH, he should understand.

User12879923378 · 03/11/2018 22:30

We both slept downstairs for the first 2 months.

3boysandabump · 03/11/2018 22:35

I used to do that sometines as well. It meant I could keep the tv on all night without disturbing him and things

Weenurse · 03/11/2018 22:36

We slept in our bed and baby was in her own room with baby monitor on . Husband could not sleep with baby in the room with us. I think we lasted about 2 hours the first night we tried.
Have since worked out husband suffers from mental health issues and has fixated on sleep and how much he gets.
I understand he is probably feeling left out, so try for a night or two. Then discuss what works best for you all.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 03/11/2018 22:39

I slept downstairs on the sofa for the first few weeks just til the nocturnal phase was over. When they are waking constantly it was just nice to have the TV on and drinks and stuff also they seem to poo all the time at that age and it was just easier! Went upstairs when everything settled down a little bit. Do whatever gets you through the first few weeks! And congratulations! !

Alaaya · 03/11/2018 22:39

I slept downstairs and DH slept upstairs when DD was tiny. I think for the first three weeks. Then she and I moved back into the main bedroom. For us, it also meant that he could get a proper night's sleep and then could deal with stuff properly during the day as I was just a zombie all the time.

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 03/11/2018 22:41

As long as baby is safe then do whatever you need to do to get you through the first few years months!

Starlight345 · 03/11/2018 22:51

Tv is your best friend during the night in the early weeks.

My Ds is in high school but I remember watching a box set of desperate housewives. A 50 minute episode was about the length of a feed. Offer to phone him

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