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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed of that infertile people are getting the blame for falling adoption rates.

114 replies

VisitorsEntrance · 03/11/2018 18:39

As in infirtile person you are forever having adoption suggested to you by helpful people.
Now people having successful IVF are being blamed for the drop in adoption rates.

Why not blame the hoops you have to jump through www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-46081726

OP posts:

Holidayshopping · 03/11/2018 18:42

Adoption rates falling are probably due to many other factors! Better contraception, availability of morning after pill/abortion, more support (and less stigma?) attached to unplanned/teen pregnancies. Surely these things mean there are less babies up for adoption in the first place.

Dermymc · 03/11/2018 18:43

How about the absolute ballache process that adoption is? The length of time and the frankly outrageous reasons people are given for why they can't adopt will have far more to do with this. Infertility is not to blame.

Mammylamb · 03/11/2018 18:43

Trying to adopt a child is a hideous process. We didn’t get through it for a very spurious reason.

Mumminmum · 03/11/2018 18:45

Why is it infertile people's job to take care of unwanted babies? People who already have bilogical children are allowed to adopt too.

Kpo58 · 03/11/2018 18:45

Does anyone know if the bedroom tax is having an effect on adoption rates? How can you adopt if you haven't got a bedroom for the child?

TakeMe2Insanity · 03/11/2018 18:47

I have to say hearing about this earlier today made me so angry. My husband and I repeatedly tried to adopt at 2 years infertility, 5 years infertility and again at 8 years and each time time the adoption process failed to see what we could offer a child. The whole adoption process is infuriating. Eventually we decided to try ivf again and were sucessful in having a child at 10 years infertility. In all honesty we would have been so delighted if we had been able to adopt. We also have friends who became disillusioned with the adoption process. It really does need to change.

MrsTerryPratcett · 03/11/2018 18:47

There's a difference between understanding population level trends and blaming people.

hiptobeasquare · 03/11/2018 18:52

As an adoptive parent I hate the implication that it was a last resort for us after finding out we were supposedly infertile. We adopted a baby boy then when he turned 2 we had a biological daughter. I have the fact that infertile people are being blamed for adoption rates- that is total bullshit. As PP have stated the process is hard (it’s quicker than it used to be) and mentally draining.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 03/11/2018 18:55

There's a difference between understanding population level trends and blaming people.

This is correct.
I don't think the commentators are blaming infertile people.
They are making observations, without blame.
If adoption rates are decreasing, it's important to understand why, to make a plan. That doesn't mean anybody is being blamed.

freddiethegreat · 03/11/2018 18:57

Totally agree with @hiptobeasquare . I object to this because for many many reasons, it’s not nearly as simple as adoption v ivf. For me & others like me, adoption was the first & only choice.

And all this detracts from the vital issue of the appalling state of post adoption support!

Threehoursfromhome · 03/11/2018 18:57

Yes, I saw this. Apparently the figures have gone down from 12,000 adoptions a year in the 70s to 4,000 now. But correlation does not mean causation - as the article says, adoption takes years. And I think more significantly as the stigma against single motherhood decreases (and I hope has vanished, but I suspect not) the type of child up for adoption has changed. So many have multiple additional complex needs, in particular Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, and not everyone feels they can provide the level of care these children need. I have friends who have gone ahead with adoption, and friends who have not felt they would not be able to cope...and I completely understand why.

Gran22 · 03/11/2018 18:59

@Kpo58. Only those living in social housing, and having their rent covered by benefits are affected by the 'bedroom tax'.

When a member of my family went through the process she was expected to provide a suitable home, and show evidence that she could afford to support herself and a child. If she'd been reliant on benefits I don't think she'd have met the criterion. Perhaps the rules differ across areas and agencies.

mumsastudent · 03/11/2018 19:01

limits on adoption because of prospective parents age, health, etc - very few healthy babies available - more likely to be children with disabilities or older children with multiple social & emotional problems - both of which require parents that feel they can cope or who are viewed as being able to cope with these issues.

hiptobeasquare · 03/11/2018 19:01

@freddiethegreat Adoption support is shockingly bad. They are so underfunded, once you have your child and are off their books that’s it. You are right, that’s the real issue.

Broomfieldbirths · 03/11/2018 19:02

But it's talking about adoptions that have fallen, not the percentage of children up for adoption being adopted (obviously this could also be the case but it's not stated in the article). You could equally say it is blaming birth parents for not putting children up for adoption. Presumably the disappearance of the stigma against unmarried parents and the rise in abortion rates is also to 'blame'.

zigzagbetty · 03/11/2018 19:03

We are at the moment unable to adopt a second time as we only have a 2 bedroom house. Seems a bit daft as we are looking for a foster to adopt placement of a 0 to 3 month old so they would be in our room for the first year anyway!

TrippingTheVelvet · 03/11/2018 19:05

Horrifically insensitive reporting by the BBC. to all those upset by it.

nordlac · 03/11/2018 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Juells · 03/11/2018 19:18

I must agree with the OP. I didn't have any infertility problems so it isn't that I was being over-sensitive, but I had the exact same reaction - 'why are they blaming people who have IVF?'.

brizzledrizzle · 03/11/2018 19:18

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/11/2018 19:18

There's a difference between understanding population level trends and blaming people. Yes, the reporting I heard, on the BBC, was that adoption rates have decreased as infertility treatment has become more effective and that the adoption process was only making things worse.

The spokesman called for the adoption process to be overhauled, not for infertile people to be refused treatment!

I heard the same thing a couple of times of the day and that was always his message!

Original poster

VisitorsEntrance · 03/11/2018 19:20

The boss of a body that represents children in care has said the success of IVF has contributed to a drop in the number of children being adopted.

That to me reads that because people are having successful IVF treatment they are not adopting.
It doesn’t say anything about people who have biological children not being encouraged to adopt or that the process is an utter arse.
Nope the only problem is those people who have IVF.

OP posts:

ProfessorMoody · 03/11/2018 19:20

We aren't eligible for adoption as we live in adapted housing and don't have a spare bedroom. We also aren't eligible because of my wheelchair.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 03/11/2018 19:20

Tbh I think how long it takes to get a child, rightly or wrongly, to the stage where they are available for adoption makes a huge impact. It takes a long time in a lot of cases and in the time of waiting there can significant long term damage done to some of these children as they are passed between foster carers or family members.

RavenWings · 03/11/2018 19:21

There is no blame in that article. If anything it blames adoption services as it talks about how long the process to adopt is.

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