To ask what (in your opinion) makes the perfect childhood?

[Sandbox]

My childhood was awful and I’ve always thought travelling around the world would have been a cool childhood to have

In my head the absolute ideal childhood is like something out of Darling Buds of May. Ponies and outdoors and space and loving family. A sort of rambling, tumbledown, gently chaotic life with something always baking in the oven and happy confident parents and chickens and flowers in a vase and kids clambering over gates and running through meadows together. That's what I always dreamed of

(Should be a comma after chickens. The chickens are not in the vase)

@Urbanbeetler this story about the coats actually made me cry

I’m sorry it made you cry but I understand. It is truly being cherished, isn’t it- she is one of the nicest, calmest and most balanced adults imaginable now. I can’t pretend I am not a bit envious!

Being protected. And put first.

Knowing you are loved. I had a wonderful childhood, loved by my parents who believed in me and put education above everything else. We were poor, no money, no holidays, everything 2nd hand etc. and faced prejudice everyday because of my parents mixed marriage. I grew up in a conflict. But I had my friends and family and the security of knowing I was loved and wanted and had tons of my parents time. Nothing else really matters. Because they read with me and helped me with my homework every single day no matter how exhausted they were I got a good education, and now I travel the world under my own steam.

1. Unconditional love from your parents or guardians.

1. Parents who have sufficient resources to provide a stable home, decent food, clothing and other necessities.

1. Education that prepares for life as an independent adult.

^^These are the essentials, IMO. A 'perfect' childhood would also mean that the child has access to a wide range of experiences, i.e. social relationships with other children and adults, good education, books, participation in cultural activities, sports and hobbies, and travel outside the home area.

All the people saying "love"

My parents would always tell me love could heal anything (accept my myriad of health problems they ignored)

My parents told me they would die for me (but didn't live with my interests at heart)

My parents said they would fight for me (and did in court for years which was messy and created a family war and much instability)

So I love my kids and give kisses and plasters, but also take them to the doctors

I would die for my kids, but also live with their best interests at heart

I will fight for my kids, to make sure they never have to see their parents fight or don't know where their stable home is and that they have one.

"Love" is not enough without care, boundaries, stability etc. It is important but it is not the only thing.

That is true - I agree with you

bumblebee39

Couldn't agree more!

Love and discipline are the two greatest gifts you can give a child. My childhood was amazing, I grew up in the 70s/80s we had lots of freedom, Christmas was magical, summers were long and full of adventure without being us micromanaged and given daily treats, we knew that no meant no. I now have nothing but love and respect for my parents for giving my a brilliant start, adulthood for me has been far more amazing because of this.

I was always cuddled and told I was loved, and I do think it's very important and it certainly was a good thing but it isn't everything. Kids need stability, routine, and effort.

When I was a kid I desperately wanted a tidy home (not immaculate but a home I wasn't embarassed of), regular meal times, a choice of clean clothes and just generally to be like everyone else. My parents were lazy and I think they liked the idea of having kids but were just a bit too selfish to put our needs and wants first.

It wasn't an awful childhood but there were definitely aspects of my parents parenting that I avoid at all costs with my kids.

Love all your responses!
changeznameza That does sound idyllic!
It’s interesting to see how many have said stability, I’ve lived in nearly 100 houses and we’ve been in this house for 18 months and I feel a bit anxious, like something is going to go wrong. My son is 8 and has lived in 10 difference places and attended several different schools, not all of the moves were avoidable but it’s something I feel really guilty about and stability is something my son really craves, he doesn’t even like holidays and as much as I look (with rose tinted glasses I’m sure!) at children travelling the world I do listen to my son and respect what he wants and needs so we won’t be jetting off anytime soon!

Love, support, encouragement, attention and kindness, none of which I saw any of but what I aim to give my son in spades to make up for it

I had ponies and international travel as a child but I can vouch for the fact that didn't make a perfect childhood.
It wasn't all bad but I knew I was never wanted, I had changed my parents rockstar lifestyle and one of them hated it and has always resented me.

With my children, I hope that loving them fiercely, spending an abundance of time with them (sahm), lots of experiences together will be good enough.

Alive parents ☹️

I would have hated to travel round the world!

What makes a childhood perfect?

Stable.
Kind and loving but sensible parents.
Being healthy.
No major traumas.
Enough money so you don’t want for things.
Enough time and attention.

Parents who get on with each other, I hated hearing my parents argue and the bad atmosphere that would linger.
A certain level of financial security, I don’t think children need much in the way of material things but they shouldn’t be worrying about not enough to eat, being cold, not having appropriate clothes and shouldn’t share the worry about where the money will come from to pay for these things.
I had one parent who was often ill and I had a lot of worry and anxiety as a child related to that.
Of course lots of love, attention, comfort and care.

I'm another who had a crappy childhood so my list would go...

Parents who genuinely love each other and work together.
Parents who facilitate your friendships.
Loving discipline, not scary discipline.
Plenty of fun, silliness and time together.
Enough money for everything you need and some things you want.
Feeling that your parents put you first, are honest with you and respect your opinions.

What is nice about most of this thread is that it is (mostly) obtainable. Obviously not everyone has the choice of providing 2 loving parents. But love and stability are normally feasible.

Last Saturday evening it was pissing down with rain when we left the house with the kids for a Halloween party. Both dc were wrapped up in waterproofs and warm clothes. Dh ran back to the house to bring me his waterproof coat (I don't have one). 7yo ds looked at us with such love in his eyes and said "both of you really look after each other, don't you?" It stopped me dead in my tracks as a really grown up observation and made me realise how proud I am that he has parents who model a good, healthy relationship to him and his sister. I don't mean this to sound self congratulatory, but if his abiding memory of his childhood is that we all looked after each then I think that's a good outcome.

Unconditional love and stability.

I did, for a few years of my childhood, have a hippie-ish world traveling existence. I know I was lucky but I craved normalcy - I made friends, got settled, somewhere became home and then suddenly broke away again. My brothers and I have all become Home birds - we are happy, and adventurous, in our traveling, but we love being at home more.

Love, warmth and stability

Mine was a bit shit (divorce, poverty, domestic violence, alcoholic father, mentally ill mother) and I was made a minii adult far too young with far too much responsibility.
For me, it's like a PP said, stability, consistency and kindness. Kindness between adults and children and between the two adults as well.
I'm not the best mum by a long shot but I think I'm more or less managing those three and it makes me feel so proud that I am managing that, given the car crash my own childhood was.

I hope that my daughter looks back on her childhood and thinks of love, kindness and laughter and that as an adult she realises that the practical humdrum stuff was done in a way that made her life more pleasant. (I'm talking about always having clean clothes, snacks in the fridge and a cosy bedroom)