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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At what age would you /did you give your DC an iPhone?

28 replies

Lizzie48 · 03/11/2018 11:09

DD1 (9) keeps saying she wants an iPhone for her tenth birthday. She and DD2 share an iPad, which they use to play games and go onto You-Tube. She wants to be able to send messages to friends and make new ones. (She does struggle to make friends.)

She’s quite emotionally immature, so I have my reservations. It’s also not as if she needs one, as she never goes out or comes home indefinitely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie48 · 03/11/2018 11:20

The question is AIBU to think that 10 is too young to have an iPhone?

OP posts:
samandpoppysmummy · 03/11/2018 11:21

My DS and DD both got their iPhones for their 11th birthdays so they had it in time for secondary school.

LuckyDiamond · 03/11/2018 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunshineandshowers21 · 03/11/2018 11:24

i got my son an iphone from when he was around ten and a half. he needed a phone because he’d just started playing out and i could get an iphone cheap added on to my phone contract. he’s now eleven and most of his friends have iphones. i do allow him to have snapchat and instagram as most of his friends are on them but i check his phone everyday and would take it off him if he was misusing it in anyway.

PinkHeart5914 · 03/11/2018 11:24

I don’t think 10 is too young at all. Children are growing up in a world full of technology so I see nothing wrong with a phone.

My dc are only toddlers but my nephew has had an iPhone for a few years now since is 10th birthday. The deal was my brother would randomly check the phone from time to time and the phone would be taken away if anything was on there that shouldn’t be (I.e social media, nephew isn’t allowed Facebook or whatever the kids use these days)

Namelesswonder · 03/11/2018 11:27

10 years, start of P7, as starting to walk home from school alone.

TeenTimesTwo · 03/11/2018 11:28

Do you mean

  • iphone specifically as opposed to an android
  • a smart phone
  • free range internet access on a phone

DD2 got a second hand iPhone 5 for her 14th but with internet & data not enabled. She can phone & text, and play games but not have unfettered access to the whole of the internet with it.

UnknownStuntman · 03/11/2018 11:28

I wouldn't give anyone an iPhone. I like technology and years old tech doesn't work for me.

blueskiesandforests · 03/11/2018 11:29

Isn't it a worry that she wants an iPhone in order to make new friends? Your 9 year old will be best buddies with Keith the 57 year old hairy handed trucker if you get her one with that expectation!

AuntieUrsula · 03/11/2018 11:30

Mine got them all 11 for secondary school. Not sure it will particularly help her make friends though - mine do nearly all their messaging on the ipad anyway

MicroManaged · 03/11/2018 11:31

We’re planning on getting ds1 his first phone on his 11th birthday next year. No idea what phone yet but I suppose it may well be an iPhone.

11 is plenty soon enough imo. I’m not against technology at all but I really hate seeing young kids with their heads stuck in phones which is all they tend to do when they have one!

SafetyLightsAreForDudes · 03/11/2018 11:32

DS1 - 11, when he started secondary. It was my old one after I upgraded
DS2 - 10 (end of Y5), basically because I got another upgrade, passed mine to DS1, who passed his to DS2
DD - 8.5, because we were going on holiday and I wanted them all to have independent means of communication in case we got split up. I got her quite an old model second hand from
Cex (I'm going to replace it next year as it doesn't run the new software and I want to have access to the new screen time monitoring stuff which I've set up for the boys)

It wasn't really my intention for DD to use hers regularly after the holiday but she loves texting and started off using it to text family members. She has started to collect her friends numbers now (she's in Y5, but one of the youngest in the year) so she texts her friends a fair bit and that's how they arrange to meet up - I don't know if potentially she would get left out otherwise. It does come in handy as it means I can contact her when she's playing out and also see her location on my phone.

I think you probably need to weigh this up with your daughter's personality in mind. It may be that it's easier for her to communicate and build friendships via text or similar; it could equally be that it becomes a source of angst for her if it doesn't go how she wants it to or other kids are mean. Do her peers have phones already? If they do, she could be getting left out; if not it may not help for her to have one if no one else does.

If you do decide to go for it - make sure you get one that runs the latest software because the parental controls are much better and if you have your own Apple device you can set them from there. The SE is a good bet if you can still get them.

Sirzy · 03/11/2018 11:33

The “make new friends” bit would make me resistant. That doesn’t sound like she had enough grasp on e safety to be given a phone.

Ds is getting an old iPhone for his 9th birthday next week but mainly because he likes to follow routes on google maps when out and kills my phone battery when doing so! (He is autistic and maps are his “thing”)

Phoebesgift · 03/11/2018 11:35

iPhone's are shit. I gave mine an android phone when she started secondary school aged 11. My youngest DD, 10, has one just for playing games and youtubing on.

NotANotMan · 03/11/2018 11:35

Mine goes away for school holidays with his dad so he has had a smartphone since he was 9 and a kindle before that so we can video call. He's getting an iphone for Christmas at 10 because the smartphone he has is pretty crap. He goes to the park with friends sometimes so I like him having a phone I can track him on if necessary.
I know we didn't have this at their ages but the technology exists now so why not use it?
It's not as if my kid uses social media or has more than a handful of school friends and family members in his WhatsApp so I don't worry about the use and he doesn't know he has data so he's not using the internet when he's out.

BusyMum47 · 03/11/2018 11:40

My son had his 1st phone (NOT an expensive iPhone!) at the end of yr6 when he started walking home by himself. The deal has always been that his dad & I check it from time to time. He's not yet allowed Instagram, Facebook etc. He has WhatsApp to message his friends for free but that's it!

Original poster
Lizzie48 · 03/11/2018 11:43

That is one of my concerns, @blueskiesandforests as a victim of childhood SA myself. I have let her use my iPhone in the past and she very quickly found Snapchat, something I don't use at all. I'm aware that there are a lot of risks and I want to be sure that she's aware of them, too.

She's aware of 'stranger danger' IRL, so it should be possible to take it from there.

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 03/11/2018 11:43

DSS has had an iPhone since he was about 8, it was an old phone which had been upgraded and we wanted him to have his own phone as his DM made contact difficult at that point.

He's now 11 and we've got him a new (to him, not top range!) phone, to which he contributes some pocket money for extra data. DD1 has just got her mitts on his old phone (aged 6) and plays PoGo on it 🙄 She feels unbelievably grown up and loves to be able to send a text message to her grandparents or aunts.

As long as there are appropriate rules and restrictions in place, I really don't see the problem.

Nenic · 03/11/2018 11:44

My 10 yr old has my old iPhone. I wouldn’t get an Android. They’re dreadful.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 03/11/2018 11:46

As soon as they are able to afford one. I would not spend £600 on an iPhone for a child especially when they have an iPad.

MrsStrowman · 03/11/2018 11:48

I think start of secondary school is probably ok if they're travelling to and from alone. Do remember that WhatsApp, Snapchat etc have age 16 limits on then for a reason, I work in an environment where CSE and safeguarding are major problems and would probably give a non smart phone at that age (11). She can text friends but no internet, she has internet on the tablet. I'd be very concerned about the making new friends comment, can you get get involved in an activity to do that instead?

Lonecatwithkitten · 03/11/2018 11:51

First Smart phone age 11 the Christmas before senior school.
First iPhone ( it was my old one) age 13.
She will 15 in January and has never broken or lost her phone, never abused our trust with and stayed well within the limits of her PAYG usage. So we are considering a new phone/contract for her birthday.
This is a commitment of the best part of £900 over two years and is £660 more than her PAYG would be. We are only considering as she has shown that she is responsible and careful with her phone.

PhilomenaButterfly · 03/11/2018 11:52

Never, unless someone gives her an old one.

blaaake · 03/11/2018 11:55

I got them all iPhones (apart from eldest as this was still in blackberry era) as soon as they started secondary school. This was also when I allowed them onto social media

BrokenWing · 03/11/2018 11:58

Ds got his first iphone SE at 10 for when he stated secondary school that year. He walked to school alone and played out with friends from 8/9 so prior to that he had a non smart phone to keep in touch , then a cheap Samsung young phone, he only got the iPhone after he had proven he could take care of phones by not losing or breaking them.

I personally would give an iPhone at 10 but would not spend hundreds on a new iPhone as a first phone as I think they need to earn the trust first, I would maybe give a 2nd hand iphone SE if I had one or could get one cheaply.