People who want to be admired

[StreetOne]

Do you know people who want to be admired all the time? I know 3 people who do this ad nauseam in different areas of my life.

They always, always have to slip in how successful their dh or or dc are and wait for others to praise and validate them. At the same time, they would never think to comment positively, ever.

AIBU to think people like this must have low self esteem? Or is it just a bad habit? Why do they do it?

*they would never think to comment positively on other people or compliment them etc.

Because they are proud of their kids or husband? Of themselves?

I reckon low self esteem

Bluntness are you one of those people

Low self esteem I think

Bluntness100 Most people I know are proud of their loved ones, very few constantly seek out the admiring reactions of others. It's tiring to listen to them as they expect people to fawn over them and theirs whilst never expressing support or appreciation to other people.

But in what sense are they ‘seeking out’ admiring reactions from others?

I think definitely low self esteem/insecure. My sisters like this always dropping in how much money partner has made, how little she has to work, where they're going on holiday and how £50k car is peanuts 🙄. It's like she constantly needs validation.

I also think low self esteem and agree it's exhausting

Sharing good news about your family or self to friends is perfectly normal and for you to interpret it as in some way needy says more about you than them

What Fatasfook said.

"Sharing good news about your family or self to friends is perfectly normal"

Isn't it just? We all do it. It becomes bizarre when sharing of good news is a one way thing and when people who just HAVE to tell you ALL about these things ALL of the time respond dismissively and are completely uninterested when they hear about others' good news (or even any news). They are just totally self absorbed.

For instance a text exchange: I messaged somebody who has form for this about my washing machine breaking down and needing to be replaced. They text back picture of their new car saying look what hubby just got me, without referring to my text at all. AIBU to think this is self absorbed?

Nobody likes a Show Off

Maybe they just don’t subscribe to the weird British thing of constantly putting yourself down and being self deprecating.

This is exhausting.

There is a difference in sharing achievements and details about the family and going on and on about them constantly.

I knew someone who would constantly talk about their DC and what they were studying and how they didn't want less than £1000 pocket money a month possibly a week and what car they had been bought and what brands they wore and holidays they went on.
It was tiring.

Mentioning a broken washing machine and being told about a new car is totally off!!!

Exactly, it's the lack of balance. This same person makes curt scoffing sounds when I tell her about nice things that my family have done or things that are going well etc. She won't say ahh that's nice or you must be pleased or whatever she just crunches up her face and says nothing. Odd!!!! MiL goes on about the value of their house and friend how brilliantly talented her ds is and his projected GCSE. If I mention ds doing well at his sport these people won't even acknowledge i said anything.

I just listen to it and think give me a break.

I'd say it was lack of empathy from what you describe. I don't know anyone who does what you say, and I would suggest you stop interacting with them so much.

Telling someone your washing machine has broken down and they ignore you and send a pic of their new car is not someone who remotely cares about you or is interested in you. Take the hint.

I think that’s the only thing you can do OP. I have two people in my life like this, it honestly doesn’t occur to them to ask after you or be pleased if you do mention any achievements.

Just smile and murmur how wonderful for them and know that they’re show offs and you’re not. Chances are, everyone else in their life thinks this about them too!

Yes, especially as these 'achievements' aren't even their own. I could understand it more if they'd worked hard and got a big bonus, or passed some exams. But expecting admiration because their husband/family member did?!

Lolz how pathetic. Clearly not capable of doing anything admirable themselves.

I suppose we all seek validation in one form or another but these people seem to value achievements and status symbols more than relationships. I don't feel they want to be liked or make connections with friends and relatives, they simply need to be admired and fawned over. I have never wanted to be admired by anyone, to me it's really alien.

I think Umbongo has a point, but it’s also gendered to sort of perform self-deprecation as a social ritual, though it’s clearly, consciously or unconsciously, done in the expectation of eliciting compliments eg.

‘Is that a new dress?’
‘This old thing? I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards!’
‘You do not! You look great. Have you lost weight?’
‘Three pounds UP this week. I’m a whale. I wish I had your figure, you’d look good in a bin bag.’
‘Yeah, it would go well with the giant spot on my chin.’
Etc etc.

Some women get quite upset if individuals don’t go along with the ritual.

I find my FIL a bit like this. He retired 20 YEARS ago and yet he still regularly tells stories about his working life when he felt that he did something very well (he was a teacher). My own parents and my DH all very modest people who never boast about how amazing they are, so I find it annoying and distasteful. I definitely don't think FIL has low self esteem btw.

I see someone at work who has ‘highly intelligent’ or ‘really intelligent’ or ‘super intelligent’ children. If I’m having a resilient day I if I’m not though I because it makes me worry she thinks me and my kids are thick?!? She’s oh so middle class but calls herself thick, I’m pretty working class but I’m fairly intelligent (I think).

She seems to be waiting for me to tell her how clever my kids are. I never do. (Even though they are )

My DM is like this. She obsesses over my cousin's girlfriend's children and is dismissive towards my children to their face. But then she will aggrandise my DC's news into them becoming Olympic champions or Nobel Prize winners to my brother who is equally pissed off. It's driven a huge wedge between the family TBH.

Ilikecake my FIL does that as well. I hate it. It's boring and you have to fight to remember that all the bragging is coming from him.and not from your sibling/sibling in law. It's just irritating all round.

I also know someone who was bullied a lot when we were at school and fair play to him he's done really well in his career and that's great, but him and his Mrs any time they go on Facebook it's either "anyone got any recommendations for swimming pool fitters" or "just taking advantage of the wireless in the BA lounge before we head off to the Maldives #cheekyhalfterm" or "having a bit of a clear out, these extremely expensive baby clothes and toys need gone, can anyone use them?" There's no harm in it - maybe some of the guys who used to beat him up are reading it and eating their hearts out with jealousy, I don't think that's really a bad thing - but it probably is stemming a bit from low self esteem and that is sad.

If someone if bragging and ignoring your needs that’s annoying. The need to be adorned and fawned over imo is one of low self and high self worth. I could be like that before I got therapy and still have some thoughts in my head from time to time but don’t act on them.

ILikeCake
Mine does this too! Never ever told me she was proud as a child, just disdain etc. Everything always about her.