People who want to be admired

[StreetOne]

Do you know people who want to be admired all the time? I know 3 people who do this ad nauseam in different areas of my life.

They always, always have to slip in how successful their dh or or dc are and wait for others to praise and validate them. At the same time, they would never think to comment positively, ever.

AIBU to think people like this must have low self esteem? Or is it just a bad habit? Why do they do it?

Some people seem to be a bit like a faulty walkie talkie - they get stuck on ‘transmit’ and when its their turn to ‘receive’ information you get radio silence. They can be quite tiring to interact with so options are to minimise contact to when you have the emotional strength to deal with their self absorbed wittering or turn it into ‘me, me, me’ bingo for every time they mention a latest acquisition/exam success/promotion without asking a question back or showing interest in your life.

I find some of the schools mums amusing. The ones that have collected little Chardonnay and by the time you have gone from the classroom to the school gates you know that their LO is having a violin lesson, followed by swimming lessons, followed by dinner at grand mama's and dinner is salmon. It's all said rather loudly so everyone can hear. :)

They never seem to enquire what LO has done in school today :(

Impression management of the highest order

This is my SAHM sister and her twat of a husband, the king of bullshit. Went NC 18 months ago and it's the best decision I ever made.

Hate this and it's embarrassing to listen to when it's constant. I think it is insecurity about socio-economic status more than self esteem, particu larly when the cost of things is always mentioned.

The money thing... "I bought this jacket at vast expense..." and it turns out to be from Aldi at £9.99.

Not dissing Aldi (love it, bought some nice glitter socks from there yesterday) but I wouldn't describe it as high end.

One of my best friends at work needs to be praised a fait bit and will bring up all she has done if she doesn't feel like she's getting enough recognition. Doesn't bother me, she is ace at her job and we don't get much praise for all the good stuff we do, so I will happily tell her how wonderful she is for a few minutes and then we move on. In fairness she will make time to listen to my paranoid rants about how awful people are so I suppose it all evens out.

I do brag a bit about ds2 at times. In all honesty it's because it makes a change from wailing about ds1. The people who hear me talk about ds2 getting awards and fabulous results and so on are the same o as who hear me cry about ds1 getting excluded or arrested or threatening me, so they're probably kind enough to realise it all balances out.

Excuse all the typos...

@SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn I love that analogy, you've put it perfectly 

"I think it is insecurity about socio-economic status more than self esteem" This is probably the case with MiL who comes from a modest background but 'married well''.

"he need to be adorned and fawned over imo is one of low self and high self worth"
One of my colleagues who does this also comes from a slightly disadvantged but reasonably well educated background. Her and her husband come across as SO pleased with themselves smug. He is a post doc engineer and a super expert in his field so I'm told 100s of times. I have the feeling that they are convinced their family is the bee's knees and that they and their dc are inherently gifted and obviously cultured. I don't think she is inherently competitive but so self absorbed that we don't actually featured at all. When I tell her that dc has started a new activity (e.g. competing on a higher level in sports) occasionally she will take notice and look completely stunned but say nothing other than "really?" with an astonished face and move to another topic quickly.

BTW, with I tend to give warm and positive feedback when these people start on their good fortunes. Am I enabling this perhaps?

It's just so weird. Another poster mentioned lack of empathy. Maybe it's that?

I get what you’re saying OP. It’s completely normal to feel proud of your children and partner for their achievements, but when it tips over into endlessly trumpeting them and being uninterested in anyone else, then it’s very wearing.

I’ve known one or two people like this and FWIW I agree that it’s probably low self esteem, particularly as it often seems to be people banging on about stuff they haven’t achieved in their own right. It’s seeking validation through other people.

A few years back I had an acquaintance, a school mum who was well known for this. Whenever she used to bang on about how well her kids had done in an exam/how much her dh had earned as a bonus etc I was always so tempted to respond ‘how lovely, and what have you achieved this week?!’

I think some people enjoy things mainly through the filter of other people's perception. If they had nobody to admire their achievements or new stuff, they wouldn't get much out of it.

I've always been pretty tolerant of it, but now I am worried my son (3) is like this. As soon as he gets a new toy etc he says "what is (friend) going to think of my new car!". It worries me, and I'm trying to teach him that it is not other people's response that counts, but maybe OPs friend is like this? Or she might just be locked in bitter competition and OP just hasn't noticed.

how lovely, and what have you achieved this week?!

This, in spades!! I recall a while back, there was an AMA from the wife of an airline pilot. She seemed to think that her husband having an interesting job made her worthy of some kind of admiration. Most responses were not in agreement and she ended up looking rather foolish, if I remember well.

I worked with someone like this.

Queued for the latest phone, saw the latest film first, went on the 'best' holidays as if we should all fall over ourselves in admiration.

They have no thought to the fact nobody cares!! Nobody is impressed and we are all just plodding on prioritizing our own interests.

What a coincidence not, having posted this thread, this video by the school of life is recommended to me on youtube
How to Be Charming When Talking About Yourself

Creepy user tracking aside, it's an interesting one.

Agree @StreetOne

I HATE people like this, and I know a few. Always talking about themselves and puffing out their chest and thinking everything they do is great, and better than you. Their kids are always the clever ones on school, (and are always gifted and talented,) and their marriage is always perfect.

They post gushing statuses on facebook about how they and their hubster LOVE each other sooooooo much, and how their their sickly little kids who are soooooo perfect just got a big award a school for having 100% attendance that month. Any problem they ever have (which is rare as their lives are near perfect,) is ALWAYS bigger than yours, and WAAAAAY more important!

But do they ever ask after you, or compliment anything, or see if you're OK? No. Too wrapped up in themselves and their own self-serving importance.

Upshot is, if you don't know someone in your circle of friends/acquaintances/extended family, like this (self absorbed, annoying, boastful, and materialistic etc etc,) then the person is probably you.

And saying they probably don't like you so take a hint like @bluntness100 said is ridiculous. These people are the same with everyone they meet.

Funny thing is, no-one likes them, and they can't even see it!

I remember many years ago, I had just lost a close family member, and my husband had lost his job suddenly (after the firm went into liquidation,) and I discovered a friend I had known since we were 5 had terminal cancer (we were both only in our early 30's!)

I wrote to a friend of mine (old work colleague) who I hadn't seen for 3 or 4 months as she had moved to London, and told her my 3 sets of bad news for the month. She wrote back, (about 2 sheets of A4 paper,) and proceeded to tell me about her new apartment in East London, her new boyfriend, and her trip to Paris that was coming up next month.

Not one word about my bereavement, my husband losing his job, or my friend being diagnosed with terminal cancer. Just two A4 pages words about her. Not even a damn WORD about anything I had said.

I didn't write back. I didn't send a Christmas card either (2 months later.) She sent me one though, with a generic round robin bragging about her 'fab life.' I put the round robin and card back in the envelope and taped it back up with 'return to sender' on it, and popped it back in the post! She wrote a couple more times over 4-6 months, but I sent the letters back.

I never heard from her again. Didn't care and didn't miss her tbh, as I realised that she was pretty full of herself anyway when I sat and thought about it.

The round robin letters at Christmas . We get one with an A-Z of each achievement during the year.
It gives us hours of amusement, me and my average family.

Another relative sends us mugs with pictures of her dc on and a calendar with their family photos on. I can’t work out if she is trying to goad me or if she sincerely thinks that I want to look at their faces all year round. I can’t even re gift them or chazza shop them.

@Shitlandpony (funny name by the way!)

Yeah round robins give me the rage! And LOL at your relative sending a calendar (and a mug) with their family on.

I am picturing something like this...

I am tempted to dig it out and post it as they live abroad but it’s too identifiable.
Very similar but with four of them.
It’s going to turn in to Granny warfare soon as she always sends calendars to my MIL too who uses it. I get really agitated and jealous that mine aren’t there, so unbelievably childish.

@shitlandpony

Woops posted too! Yeah it would be funny to see your relatives mug or calendar!

Oh the round robins, listing the various achievements of the family over the year!

I think they’re the worst symptom of this awful affliction of being totally self absorbed. Either write a personal letter as a reciprocal communication, asking about and showing an interest in the recipient as well as telling your news, or don’t bother at all. A list of your own family’s achievements as a circular to everyone in your address book is frankly insulting

I think it's completely normal to share good as well as bad news between friends and family.

It's just exhausting when one party only gives space to their own news and barely responds to the other party's experiences. One of the people who does this literally scoffs and then goes airily quiet when I tell her of any positive news. She is marginally more engaged when I tell her what doesn't go so well for us.

Her dc are becoming just like her, always turning the conversation back to themselves and the amazing things they have done. It's forgivable in dc but insufferable and juvenile in a grown up.

If you want me to fawn, at least have the manners to pretend you are interested and happy for what's going well for me.

Loving the family portrait mugs as gift. How self-centred. Can you imagine having your morning tea drinking from a mug with your SiL on it? Maybe it is a passive aggressive gift?

How about those christmas cards that show off 2 year old darling child's artistic yuletide impressions?

I have't received a round robin since the rise of FB.