Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU friend and Disney land.

41 replies

Alwaysbekind2014 · 02/11/2018 19:44

Really going to try not to drip feed so sorry for the long post

Back history
I have a a child who is diagnosed with a disease that come so under “ life threatening or terminal “
I have 3 close friends let’s call them
Amy , Abbie and Chloe.

I had organised daughters birthday this year to go to Disney on ice, Amy and Abbie were also going this year so we booked together as the kids are all same age ( they have 2 each )
I have been really crap which I admit to at probably ringing / messaging as we have had a lot going on recently.
So birthday was booked with Amy and Abbie.
Chloe is not friends with the other two and have never met.
Anyway my daughter was granted a trip to Disney land but as it was just the 2 of us ( I can not take her alone and wouldn’t ) they asked who she would like.
Me and her discussed it and thought Chloe and her daughter would like to ( I thought her daughter was unlikely to experience this otherwise )
In the last year the times we have seen each other ( live in diff counties but a 1 hour n 25 minute train journey ) was when I travelled to stay at hers with daughter for 2 separate weekends.( with medical equipment )
I was meant to take daughter again in one of the holidays but she had developed sepsis and was in hospital for a few weeks.

So I rang her about the Disney land trip and she started screaming down the phone at me
“ NO can’t do this to daughter for her to be let down when yours is sick or unable to go “ ok fair enough kind of although hurt like hell when she said it.
I explained that it was being organised by a charity so if she was ever sick they would organise it so it was covered etc
She didn’t need to tell daughter until they day if she didn’t want to.
Then it all came out how, I didn’t invite her to Disney on ice but instead going with Amy and Abbie.
Am I missing the point I have just offered a free trip to Disney land and I am sure the others would jump at the offer.
She went on to say I was selfish and she is going through a hard time ( ex boyfriend from years ago problems ) and of course I wouldn’t know as she never told me which she replied because you never ring. She then said
That I was just ringing her now because I needed something but I don’t I just believed be her daughter would be the one to most enjoy it.
I do have other friends who I could ask.
Where did I go wrong ????

OP posts:
MrTrebus · 02/11/2018 19:49

You've done nothing wrong she's a twat. Invite a proper friend. Sorry about your DD Flowers

AliceRR · 02/11/2018 19:50

It sounds like your friend is being out of order.

Have I missed something? Is that the full story? If it is then I think you have done nothing wrong and she should be pleased you picked her daughter to go. As you say, many people would be over the moon to be offered a free trip to Disneyland and I don’t see what the Disney on ice has to do with that.

So is the point she actually doesn’t want to go?

I’d just take someone else OP

Idontwanttogo · 02/11/2018 19:51

You did nothing wrong. Maybe invite someone else?

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 02/11/2018 19:52

Yes unless I have done something that I don’t realise

I do admit we being a bit shit but things are so hectic.
Me and my friend Amy can go ages without even a hello and it’s never a problem
We are all adults with children and jobs etc so it’s not always easy

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 02/11/2018 19:52

They are not real names by the way !

OP posts:
ogglet · 02/11/2018 19:57

You've done nothing wrong OP, sorry I know she's your friend but she sounds ungrateful and horrid. Take someone else and have a wonderful time 

SassitudeandSparkle · 02/11/2018 20:00

How did she know about the Ice trip if she doesn't know the other two people involved?

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 02/11/2018 20:05

Sassitude because I didn’t really feel the need to hide it when we booked it the week tickets were released and a little after we were talking about Xmas plans ( it lands the week of Xmas to ) so it came up.
She often goes to zoo or days out with friends I don’t really know so never thought this would be a problem to grown adults

OP posts:
Thehop · 02/11/2018 20:08

She’s a prize bell end by the sounds! You’re well rid

hungryhippo90 · 02/11/2018 20:16

She’s a fucking bell end. I don’t use that term often, but she really is.

How dare she act this way about a FREE Disney trip provided by charity because of your daughters health problems then lose it over your daughter being sick.

That alone is enough, then she wants to drag you over coals about going to see Disney on ice with other friends? The two really do not compare do they?

Friends who I’m guessing paid their own way to an hours show VS a friend who you’d have taken to Disneyland for free on a holiday.

Please send her a message telling her that it may have slipped her mind but she may not be up to date on all the drama with her ex, because you have an ill child to deal with, which you thought she knew, as the Disney trip is free because of your daughters Ill health, but she must not understand to be acting this way.
And uninvite her to Disney. Fucking Scrooge doesn’t deserve to go.

Please take one of your other friends who will add to the trip.

Ps if you make it to Disney this side of Christmas it really is magical. Have a great, great time.

findingmywaytoday · 02/11/2018 20:23

She isn't a friend. You don't need negativity like that esp when you already have so much on your plate.

Gemini69 · 02/11/2018 20:33

She sounds unstable bitter and jealous.. Hmm

don't contact her again... Ask someone else and I hope your DD is able to go and has a wonderful time Flowers

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 02/11/2018 20:37

She sounds like a vile twat. If there was ever a time to cut someone some slack and give them the benefit of the doubt it's now. In any case you have done nothing wrong. You missed an outing with her because your DD had sepsis and she resents you for it?! You offer her a free trip to disneyland and she's annoyed that you're going somewhere with a completely different group of friends? She's annoyed that while your DD has a life threatening disease you haven't been on the edge of your seat about her ex boyfriend drama? She sounds narcacisstic.

bringbackthestripes · 02/11/2018 20:40

You tried to do a nice thing, she threw it back in your face. If she feels that you need to constantly be in touch with her when you have a child with a life limiting condition and all that that entails-whilst she herself feels no need to be in contact with you to ask if things are ok or if you need anything- then she is no friend. YANBU. Ask someone else.

nocoolnamesleft · 02/11/2018 20:46

Bloody hell. Does the fucking idiot think your DD deliberately developed sepsis just to spite her? I despair.

greendale17 · 02/11/2018 20:51

Then it all came out how, I didn’t invite her to Disney on ice but instead going with Amy and Abbie.

^So Chloe has never met Amy or Abbie but expected an invite? She is so unreasonable. I wouldn’t take her to Disneyland whatsoever

HermioneWeasley · 02/11/2018 20:55

OP, she sounds unhinged. She should be honoured to share this wonderful opportunity with you and your daughter when she has limited time.

I am so, so sorry that your daughter isn’t well. Enjoy your trip

Maelstrop · 02/11/2018 20:59

Is she on glue?! Take someone else, OP. Chloe doesn’t deserve it.

Racecardriver · 02/11/2018 21:03

She’s insane. That was very very out of line. Just take a different child and stop worrying about it.

theWarOnPeace · 02/11/2018 21:07

What a twat. She doesn’t deserve to go, invite someone else. I would have probably done similar TBH, invited the friend who I expected to be least likely to be able to do disney themselves and would get the most out of it. Shame you’ve had such a mean and ungrateful response. Chalk it up to experience and ditch friend. If you can’t go a while without speaking to a friend, especially when your child is seriously unwell, then they’re not your friend. That’s it.

Corcra · 02/11/2018 21:11

I’m sorry you’re going through so much.
Also that is not a friend.
Take another friend and enjoy every magical minute.

ALemonyPea · 02/11/2018 21:12

What a prize cow.

You're better off not taking her op, she would probably make the trip all about her and her daughter by the sounds of it.

Hope your DD is well enough to go soon 💐

GreenTulips · 02/11/2018 21:16

She doesn't sound very understanding! Take someone else because I doubt you'd feel comfortable with someone who sees your DDs illness as little more than an inconvenience to her and her child

RomanyRoots · 02/11/2018 21:18

OP you don't need people like this in your life and your dd certainly doesn't.
I hope you both enjoy it, I went years ago, and it is magical. I'm sorry your dd is ill Thanks

yumyumpoppycat · 02/11/2018 21:23

yanbu. She is nuts how insensitive and ungrateful. It would have been easy enough to keep the trip a secret until you were on the way to avoid disappointment.

Sounds like it would be a drama with her anyway.

Do you have any good fun friends family members - not necessarily with kids who would help make it all about your daughter? From what I have heard Disneyland go the extra mile for kids on trips due to health conditions, I hope you both have an amazing time.