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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU friend and Disney land.

41 replies

Alwaysbekind2014 · 02/11/2018 19:44

Really going to try not to drip feed so sorry for the long post

Back history
I have a a child who is diagnosed with a disease that come so under “ life threatening or terminal “
I have 3 close friends let’s call them
Amy , Abbie and Chloe.

I had organised daughters birthday this year to go to Disney on ice, Amy and Abbie were also going this year so we booked together as the kids are all same age ( they have 2 each )
I have been really crap which I admit to at probably ringing / messaging as we have had a lot going on recently.
So birthday was booked with Amy and Abbie.
Chloe is not friends with the other two and have never met.
Anyway my daughter was granted a trip to Disney land but as it was just the 2 of us ( I can not take her alone and wouldn’t ) they asked who she would like.
Me and her discussed it and thought Chloe and her daughter would like to ( I thought her daughter was unlikely to experience this otherwise )
In the last year the times we have seen each other ( live in diff counties but a 1 hour n 25 minute train journey ) was when I travelled to stay at hers with daughter for 2 separate weekends.( with medical equipment )
I was meant to take daughter again in one of the holidays but she had developed sepsis and was in hospital for a few weeks.

So I rang her about the Disney land trip and she started screaming down the phone at me
“ NO can’t do this to daughter for her to be let down when yours is sick or unable to go “ ok fair enough kind of although hurt like hell when she said it.
I explained that it was being organised by a charity so if she was ever sick they would organise it so it was covered etc
She didn’t need to tell daughter until they day if she didn’t want to.
Then it all came out how, I didn’t invite her to Disney on ice but instead going with Amy and Abbie.
Am I missing the point I have just offered a free trip to Disney land and I am sure the others would jump at the offer.
She went on to say I was selfish and she is going through a hard time ( ex boyfriend from years ago problems ) and of course I wouldn’t know as she never told me which she replied because you never ring. She then said
That I was just ringing her now because I needed something but I don’t I just believed be her daughter would be the one to most enjoy it.
I do have other friends who I could ask.
Where did I go wrong ????

OP posts:

Hohofortherobbers · 02/11/2018 22:24

At least you found out now what a weirdo she is and not once in Disney land. Take someone more reliable. I hope you both have an amazing time

WhyAmISoCold · 02/11/2018 22:35

Take someone far more deserving OP, and who will appreciate it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/11/2018 22:42

She’s awful. At least you didn’t waste a magical holiday on her.

IncomingCannonFire · 02/11/2018 23:00

Well she's blown it big style.
Clearly she was waiting for you to phone to have a fight with you about the disney on ice affair.
She sounds jealous and petty. She must have some other issues going on in her life and has chosen to abuse you about it.
I'd send a text/email withdrawing the offer. You really don't want to take someone who is going to be a dampener/ downer. Also say you're sorry she is having a hard time and felt the need to take it out on you.

hungryhippo90 · 03/11/2018 01:51

I just want to point out I relayed your first post to my DD and DH. Even my 10 year old was aghast at your friend. She said our dog would show more understanding,(our dog is very spoilt so that’s saying something!)

gluteustothemaximus · 03/11/2018 02:13

You’ve done nothing wrong. Take someone else.

I’m so sorry about your DD. I hope you do get the chance to go and have the most amazing time

mathanxiety · 03/11/2018 02:45

Your child has a 'life threatening or terminal' diagnosis and she holds it against you that you canceled some meetup because of your DD's serious health problems, and is now raging at you because you cxan't read her mind wrt the issues with her BF and with all that you have on your plate she thinks you should be phoning her to stay abreast of her important drama?

Send her a curt note ending the friendship, and be very sarcastic - say you are sorry your DD's illness has been so hard for her to handle and in the circumstances you think it would be far less of an emotional roller coaster for her and her DD if you never contacted her again. Wish her a nice life.

- hope you have lots of fun at Disneyland and Disney on Ice.

Unicyclethief · 03/11/2018 03:01

Wow, what a twat she is. I hope you and your daughter have a lovely time, with a much better friend!

Josiebloggs · 03/11/2018 03:09

Your friend is an utter bitch, how can anyone be that callous and self absorbed when someone elses child is seriously ill. Cut her off and invite someone supportive and understanding along.
Send her a link to this thread and tell her the offer of the trip and your friendship have been rescinded.

MacosieAsunter · 03/11/2018 05:28

How old are the children?
Is 'Chloe' old enough to understand that she is accompanying your daughter? You said your self that you selected 'Chloe' because you didn't think she would ever experience a trip like that, so yes it is going to be a big let down for her not to go.

The mother has ridiculously over reacted. But I understand the childs disappointment, especially if it has been bigged up to her as the holiday of a lifetime. .

Alfie190 · 03/11/2018 05:50

@Macosie

Chloe is the mum not the child. Chloe’s child was not let down about a Disney trip, she doesn’t even know about it as OP was yelled at by Chloe the moment she first suggested it. Chloe was angry about a previous cancelled meet up because OP’s daughter was in hospital for three weeks with sepsis.

You would know this if you read the first post 😉

Blanchedupetitpois · 03/11/2018 05:55

She is horrible and you did nothing wrong. I’m sorry about your daughter

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/11/2018 06:41

So her dd doesn’t know about the Disney trip yet. Good. Withdraw the offer. Cut contact. This woman is a bitch. Lovely as you sound you cannot be there for her child. You need to be there for yours.

Original poster

Alwaysbekind2014 · 03/11/2018 10:51

Yes I 100 percent did not mention anything to her daughter ( she is 10 nearly 11 )
I feel bad because she seemed to think that I didn’t care about her and that I only care about my family which isn’t true just that there is so much going on
We are currently in hospital day 18 of isolation, nearly lost our home etc so things have been manic

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 03/11/2018 11:00

Go with one of your other friends. They sound much nicer.

But do make sure Chloe knows that, as far as she is concerned, the trip is cancelled. I can imagine problems down the line, when she realises quite how silly she has been, and she will try to pretend that she thought the trip was still on.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/11/2018 13:37

Life sounds very difficult for you. Having a very ill child and almost losing your home are the most stressful things I could imagine. Perhaps it is difficult for her too. But you aren’t responsible for her issues with an ex from many moons ago.

I hope your dd feels better soon and that you manage to go to Disney at Christmas or some time soon.

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