AIBU to be absolutely disgusted at my ex husbands views on Male nursery keyworker?

[findingmyselfagain]

In the last couple of weeks my 3 yp DS has been allocated a new keyworker at nursery who happens to be a man. Having spoken to him and seen him working with the kids I think he is lovely and my DS seems very happy being supported by him. I mentioned to my ex (we only separated 4 months ago) that DS has a new key worker who is a man I thought this was great and it is good to see more diversity in the staff. Ex hit the roof, asking if he toilets DS, thinks it is weird a man would choose to do that job, and started talking about pedophile stories within nurseries. Now one of the reasons we split was an obvious difference in many of our values and beliefs but this really shocked me. I was livid said you cant go around saying that, DS is happy I am happy, the guy like any staff member will have gone through all the checks required. Told him his view is disgusting, AIBU?

Well he sounds like a charmer

You are not being unreasonable at all. Bravo to the nursery for having positive role models. Our daughter loved all her nursery workers one of whom was male.

Total prick.

It’s attitudes like this that stop more men from entering the profession. My husband is my registered childminder assistant and the lack of respect he has faced has astounded me. I have previously told people I wouldn’t be willing to look after their children if they don’t treat my husband in the manor in which he deserves.

Please don’t let your DS key worker come into contact with your ex.

Has he never heard of Vanessa George?

I had a male childminder for a couple of years and he was wonderful. I used to get comments like “that’s a funny choice”. I always just used to say “sorry, I don’t understand, can you explain why?” and they never really could, just that it was “weird”

My DS has a male nursery worker in his room and the kids love him! Your ex sounds like a prick tbh so I wouldn't worry about his opinion. As long as your little one is happy in his room and with the guy as a key worker, surely, that's all that counts.

It’s a mystery why he’s an ex, really

I find it astounding that in this day and age certain people are still so uptight about men working as childcare professionals. My ex has a similar views to your ex’s. He’s thick as mince too.

Sort of bollocks my exh would spout. I sympathise.

I assume he has completely missed that it is overwhelmingly women who are the perpetrators of this type of crime in this setting usually. (Mostly to share with men but that doesn't change that is women who are the physical abusers)

He's so out of order. My DS has a male key worker and he adores him. We use him as babysitter too occasionally.

Yeah, he's a twat. My son’s crèche teacher is a man, Pierre, and he's brilliant. We need more diversity in childcare, not less!

Not an uncommon view. Most keep quiet about it. It would be far easier if there were more than 2% of us men doing it though.

Ginky, that may be true but I suspect it is because it is a female dominated profession. However I I do think it would be good for males to be in this type of setting as they could be a positive role model to the children.

Let your ex know that male nursery workers are invaluable. They provide the male role model that the likes of him dipped out of.

Yanbu. I've worked with male nursery workers and my dh used to be one too. I found the nurseries with both male and female staff were nicer to work in, less bitchiness. I think the children benefit when there is a mix of staff too, some older, some younger, some male and some female.

What a douche. My kids have two male child minders in their centre and absolutely love them, I like that our centre has the diversity it does because I’m sure there are a lot of men who want to get into that line of work and are put off by the attitude that people like your ex display.

Ignore him.

What he’s actually saying is ‘I see childcare as lowly women’s work. Therefore any man who chooses to do it must be a pervert.’

I’d like to think this wouldn’t bother me but if I’m being really honest it would! I’m not proud of that fact at all and would never say it in RL as logically I know men can make wonderful nursery workers.

However there’s no way I’d be comfortable with any man changing my DDs nappies besides their father. It would just be a risk I’d personally be unwilling to take, so I can understand your Ex’s reaction.

Reforder would you be happy with a female nursery worker changing your sons nappies?

This is exactly why I'm not pursuing a dream of working in childcare.

Too many attitudes like this

So because he is male working with children he is a paedo? Does that mean any man changing a nappy is a paedo? Or is it just blokes who work with other people's children?

Attitudes like his pee me off. Male tutors/assistants/key workers are bloody invaluable especially in early years settings.

What a twat, another reminder of why he's your ex.
It may be better to not engage about ds for now, you don't have to tell him.

Very odd. When you get to primary age, the possession of a penis is an easy way into a job.

His attitude is disgusting but I'm guessing that's why he's an ex, so there isn't really much you can do about it. I do hope he won't pass his vile opinions onto your DS though.

Its interesting that statistically, children are at most risk from family and close friends when it comes to sexual abuse, nearly always male ones. Yet so many people are okay with Dad's changing nappies.

Bit of a skewed risk assessment at a population level I would have thought.

However there’s no way I’d be comfortable with any man changing my DDs nappies besides their father. It would just be a risk I’d personally be unwilling to take, so I can understand your Ex’s reaction.

Absolutely ridiculous.