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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the OW a few home truths?

31 replies

karmachameleon64 · 02/11/2018 18:00

ExP left me when i was pregnant for OW...that quickly went tits up and they allegedly split... he came back asking me to take him back last month and i told him i didnt trust that he was through with
OW...he admitted he was still in touch with her only as a shoulder to cry on because she was being sacked from her job....during a drunken exchange by him he sent me msgs from her to prove it was only friendship but the msgs contained confidential info about allegations she had against her employer...very damaging statements and info about her gettin paid money to keep quiet....i did nothing with this info and decided i couldnt forgive him...since rejecting him he has threatened me and is refusing to pay maintenance...when i asked why he was doing this he said OW was giving him advice on how to avoid maintenance as she would do anything to destroy me as she hates the fact i had his baby...i am furious esp as she has kids of her own...dnt know why she is so interested in my demise since she has got enough problems of her own and a new man according to my ex.

I want to confront her and tell her what a twat my ex is and to show herwhat he sent me, and ask her to stop interfering in my life, aibu and just bitter?

OP posts:
feathermucker · 02/11/2018 18:01

Why do you assume that your deceitful, untrustworthy ex is telling you the truth about the OW's opinion of you?!

Nothisispatrick · 02/11/2018 18:02

Well I would ignore her tbh, your ex is the one who cheated on you and owes you maintenance. Go through the proper channels to get maintenance and let them carry on with their pathetic little game.

JohnnyKarate · 02/11/2018 18:02

Don’t engage OP. You’ll regret it. They both sound likes shits though. How is he planning on avoiding maintenance. Can you keep all evidence of this in case you need it in the future?

Thisreallyisafarce · 02/11/2018 18:03

Not bitter. You have been through a lot and it is understandable. But I wouldn't recommend you believe your ex, because your ex is a liar.

19lottie82 · 02/11/2018 18:03

Or that he is telling OW the truth about you?

Seriously, as tempting as it is, just leave it. He will tell her you’re crazy and she will believe it.

Keep your head held high and your dignity in tact.

WorraLiberty · 02/11/2018 18:04

Do yourself a massive favour and walk away.

There is literally no point in getting involved in the drama. No good will come of it for you or the baby.

Use the correct channels to get your maintenance and ignore the rest.

BuildingQuote · 02/11/2018 18:05

I sympathise for the stress of not getting any financial contribution as it must add to stress but I honestly wouldn’t retaliate in any way as you are lowering yourself in doing so. I would calmly just be dignified as you can’t control their behaviour but you can stand out by being the better person (mind you don’t be trodden on either so if there is a way to insist on maintenance and the fair thing you should use it).

ladydickisathingapparently · 02/11/2018 18:05

I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of thinking she’d got to me.

Devillanelle · 02/11/2018 18:06

I don't believe a word he says. If you did talk to her (not confrontationally) you would probably find out she's perfectly nice and he's spun her a load of lies about not being with you etc.

It's not her fault he won't pay for his child. It's his fault.

MatildaTheCat · 02/11/2018 18:07

What a shame they’ve split up, they sound made for one another.

Keep your dignity and keep quiet. Whatever you say will be used to demonstrate how crazy and unreasonable you are. Contact the CMS for maintenance payments.

Starlight345 · 02/11/2018 18:13

Both are vile . Go straight to cms . Don’t engage in his games . Don’t discuss anything with him except baby related

lovetherisingsun · 02/11/2018 18:30

Don't engage with him. Don't believe him. He's probably told the same sort of bollocks to her about you.

Racecardriver · 02/11/2018 18:32

But he is the one refusing to provide for his child. I don’t see why she matters.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/11/2018 18:37

All he’s saying is I’m not crazy / horrible etc. It’s her. She’s to blame. Then if you bite all the better for him as he is proving to the OW, who he’s fed the same line to that you are nasty, crazy etc. This way he can sit back and boost his ego by watching the two of you tear strips off each other. Classic game and nasty.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/11/2018 18:39

Rise above and don't waste your time. You have enough to keep you busy, yes?

goodomens830 · 02/11/2018 18:40

I wouldn't assume he's telling the truth. It's HIS choice to pay, so he's probably just giving (lame) excuses. Ignore what he says about her and just deal with him.

CottonTailRabbit · 02/11/2018 18:41

He had an affair. He has threatened you. He refuses to pay maintenance. When you confronted him he said he had decided to avoid paying maintenance. He said that the ex-OW was giving him tips on how to avoid paying you. This has resulted in you deciding to be angry at the ex-OW instead of him. Think about that.

He's good. He's really good. He knows how to play you like a fiddle.

Stop being so gullible.

Direct your anger at the right person.

Stop listening to the lying wind up shite that comes out of his mouth.

Get the CMS and the lawyers on him.

AdoraBell · 02/11/2018 18:45

She probably won’t believe you. I would bet hard earned cash that he has told her you are crazy/spiteful/untrustworthy/deluded etc which is obviuosly why he needs to cheat and toddle off with another woman.

She will discover for herself what he’s like in time. In the meantime if he refuses to support his child then go through official channels and stop engaging with him. Definitely don’t engage with her at all.

dubmumof2 · 02/11/2018 18:46

What CottonTailRabbit said ^^ He is also the person that violated her privacy by sending you very confidential information about her. Do you really believe that she is the one at the root of his behaviour?

LuvSmallDogs · 02/11/2018 18:50

He’s trying to play you off vs OW to make you jealous. He’s probs feeding her shit about you too so he can watch you both fight over him while he flits back and forth getting his leg over.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/11/2018 19:00

I wouldnt believe a word that scummy twat said.

He's just try punish you for not taking him back.

SassitudeandSparkle · 02/11/2018 19:06

Stop doing the pick me dance with this waste of space. He's clearly still with the OW, no point in contacting her about anything unless you want to make yourself look bad.

theOtherPamAyres · 02/11/2018 19:15

By saying: "A big girl made me do it", your man takes no responsibility.

He's trying to hoodwink and gas-light you into turning your attention towards the OW, not him. So far, it's working a treat because that's exactly what you're about to do.

Or are you wise to him?

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 02/11/2018 19:16

Just contact CM and let them deal with the money side of things. Disengage from them both, not worth your time or efforts.

Didsomeonesaybunny · 04/11/2018 13:41

Crickey they sound like utterly vile individuals, OP I bet you’re glad you’re rid of him. Your situation is not dissimilar to mine, my ex is also trying to find ways to avoid paying maintenance for his DD, it’s really rather disgusting isn’t it?

My advice would be to keep your head held high and say nothing. Smile smugly that you have this information if it is indeed true and good luck with getting the maintenance.

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