Wedding presents...none from DH family

[jjsmum84]

I recently got married...yay....to the most wonderful man in the world, we sat and opened our presents and cards and received lots from my family and our friends but just a card from DH's side of the family, there a funny bunch and it's not a money issue as they are very well off, we didn't expect anything from anyone so we're not being ungrateful, it's just hurt us both a bit that they didn't think at all....are we being unreasonable to be hurt?

I think you are. It seems a recent thing that parents buy a wedding gift for their children. Often parents have helped in other ways. When these days most people have set up home well before they marry, the old tradition of buying people things for their future home is out of date and pure consumerism. I suspect you are taking this as a personal thing which it may well not be. Don't be hurt, you have no idea what is behind it

If it cost your guests a lot to attend your wedding - long journey, overnight stay in hotel, etc, then I think YAB a bit U. But if it was easy for them then I think I'd be a little disappointed too.

My PIL didn't even give us a card when we got married!
My MIL was convinced she was our wedding planner (we asked her to buy some softdrinks and gave her the cash) despite never being asked and we deliberately ensured that we paid for ours.

My DH was taken aback but said he wasn't surprised with their behaviour as MIL was annoyed that we wouldn't invite her friends (14 guests) so she could show off. She invited them to the church and evening without telling us which they turned up to.

My previous marriage my mil got us a sign thing from Home Bargains that was £2.95!!
This time mil wasn't invited!!
Much better idea!!

Did his parents make any contribution towards payment for the wedding? Or siblings pay for their own bridesmaids' dresses/suit hire if in the bridal party/outfits for page boys and flower girls?

At least you won't have to send thank you notes!

Well you know for Christmas /birthdays it's cards only.

Congratulations 🥂🍾

I'd be a bit hurt too. Is this the norm in their family? How does DH feel?

DH is very hurt too, they didn't contribute to the wedding, we paid for the accommodation and food and drinks for them all.

That’s mean and thoughtless. YANBU. Are we talking brothers and sisters as well as his parents?

YANBU- what kind of parents do this? I would be very hurt

Patents don’t traditionally give gifts.

I think it is a bit mean, but maybe they are not a present giving family? Your DH should have an idea about their normal habits in this regard?

Surprising to receive absolutely nothing, it could have been something meaningful, not especially expensive.

I can never understand when people say you shouldn't expect wedding gifts and cards blah blah blah. Well no, but you should expect good manners and etiquette. No one can say these days that there is no expectation for a wedding guest to bring a card and a gift, even if it is something small and cheap. My own favourite wedding gift was a very cheap but very, very thoughtful ornament smaller than my palm.

To turn up empty handed whilst staying in accommodation you paid for, eating food you've paid for and drinking free at your expense is rude. It's a snub.

It's the thought that counts, and they didn't think.

YANBU - rude and hurtful.

Parents don’t traditionally give gifts because they contribute instead.

If they haven’t contributed, they should treat the event you’ve paid for like a dinner they are a guest at and at least give a bottle of bloody wine or gift the same value of. Cripes - it’s just so rude.

Was it a 'destination' wedding OP, or in a different country to the one they live in?

Wedding was 30 mins away from where they all live, I feel it was a snub as none of them have actually congratulated us..I would have rather them not turn up at all really

I'm still sensing a back story here tbh ...

I didn't receive gifts from my parents or his parents... wasn't expected as they paid for the wedding between them. Extended relat8ves all bought gifts. I don't th8nk if be hurt not to get a gift if I got a card.

You can always go the passive aggressive route and send a thankyou card for the card. We attended a wedding as poor students where we were told not to get gifts as they understood how broke everyone was. So I was really embarrassed to get a personalized thankyou card for attending and for the card we gave that played pachebels cannon (Which had been our own wedding march) - it was at least two paragraphs two long and too detailed to not be passive aggressive in my opinion

Was this DH's parents or extended family as well?

I agree and think YANBU

I would be incredibly hurt and your husband must also be feeling pretty awful about the whole thing.

It is completely normal to give people a gift when they marry and the height of rudeness not to even get anything.
Personally, I would take this as a clear message.

No back story...all have got on fine which is why I'm so confused about the matter
DH's mother, sister and daughter attended the wedding

Scabby lot.

My MIL wrote us a card that literally said 'To the wedding couple, from MILName'
It had a 29p sticker on the back.
She'd been fawning all over DH all wedding day, interrupting his speech to add her anecdotes, bossing our photographer around. I know she hates me but I didn't think she thought so little of her son 🤷🏻‍♀️