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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send au pair home... she's nice enough but too young and I don't want to do it in a mean way (to be honest she is making more work for me so I can manage without!)

61 replies

Helpmepleasenow48 · 02/11/2018 10:12

Our au pair arrived mid September. French quiet and seemingly quite mature. We had a German au pair last year who was great - 19 and very mature.
This time round our au pair has less to do. She gets the children ready in the morning 6.30-8.30 but can't drive so I either do the school run or another mum who I share it with. Most of the time I use that extra time before school starts to either go into the office or work from home. Because my children have clubs on Mondays - she doesn't look after them from school, but does have to make sure they have dinner so I can get home from all the clubs and do an hour's work between 5.30 and 6.30. Quite often I will make their dinner during my lunch hour, ready for her to heat up at 5.30. On Tuesday and Wednesday my children are at after school club until 6pm. Those are the days I go into London to work and my husband picks up the children. I get home 6.30-7 and we put them to bed. On Thursdays I tend to be at home and give them dinner. Ditto on Friday. Anyway...
So our au pair is 18 just 18. She was a bit homesick and I posted here before. But she has settled a bit however I am starting to feel as if I'm doing all the work for her. For example she cleans her teeth with charcoal powder and leaves it everywhere (I also pay a cleaner £20 a week to do the communal areas in our house). During half term I said she could get up at 7.30am. I've been working from home. So she gets up at 7.30 and then spends half an hour in the bathroom. I discovered (after she had an accident) that she does 25 minutes plus of exercise in the bathroom every day. She barely eats anything, is constantly coughing and has very little energy. I also found videos on my iphone (children borrowed it while I was working upstairs) of her flinging them around our living room. I have another child in the house; albeit a child who has a 23 year old boyfriend and probably does soft drugs most weekends. She cried this morning because I had to knocked on the bathroom door (at 7.40) and ask her to look after the girls while I worked online. We have other children coming round today and I wanted to get an hour in before they arrived. She came out crying saying it was her period and she needed a shower. It's not working is it? How do I get her to leave without her feeling bad, she's only young. She can't cook at all and she put wet bedclothes on my children's beds. I can manage without her, because she's causing me more work. I have just had to scrub the sink again- the charcoal thing - I have asked her to clean it up many times.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/11/2018 15:27

Result! Well done OP, thanks for updating.

Rebecca36 · 02/11/2018 18:08

I'm glad it has all been resolved, quite tactfully too by the sound of it OP.
Well done.

HannahnotAgnes · 02/11/2018 18:35

Glad it all worked out.

nicslackey · 02/11/2018 18:41

So glad of the outcome, I was feeling very uncomfortable with all the "get rid of her comments" Just for a moment, imagine that was your DD in France at 18 and perhaps a little overwhelmed or homesick and them being told to shape up or ship out. You'd be on here in your droves whining about how harshly they had been treated. Don't bother saying you wouldn't.

ferntwist · 02/11/2018 22:56

Good update to read, well done OP

KatKit16 · 03/11/2018 08:00

Pay peanuts you get monkeys.

Thisreallyisafarce · 03/11/2018 08:02

Cheap, barely out of childhood herself childcare not as professional or skilled as I had hoped. I am in shock. Hmm

HarrietKettleWasHere · 03/11/2018 09:21

Hopefully you’re paying for her flight home OP.

EachandEveryone · 03/11/2018 11:32

I’m still confused about the drugs.....

Rebecca36 · 03/11/2018 14:32

Nothing to be confused about EachandEveryone.
The op had a suspicion that the au pair's boyfriend used soft drugs, no proof and it wasn't mentioned again.

BigChocFrenzy · 03/11/2018 14:44

That was the elder DD's bf using drugs, I thought - hence irrelevant & confusing in the OP

OP:
specify that the next OP must have a driving licence and be prepared to do childcare at 6:30 if need be
Do make sure you don't exceed reasonable hours for an au pair - do you need other childcare ?

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