Do I pretend we’re a couple at antenatal class?

[Poppylizzyrose]

My friend was going to attend the class with me but she cancelled and I’m getting on well with babies Dad (we aren’t together, he’s been to every scan with his Mum, his Mum and nan came to my shower bought the baby gifts.
We’d only been dating briefly before we made surprise baby and I’d already ended the relationship, info in another thread)

Anyway he’d asked ages ago to attend the classes and id said he could attend the last one, as that’s about baby care. (I don’t want him in room when I birth the baby, he’s now okay with that.) when I asked he was very happy about it and said we could pretend to be a couple...I said no but I’m happy to let people assume, is that wrong? I won’t say we are but not say we aren’t?

I work in a baby shop and regularly explain about us and how the baby happened as people ask and say we’re on good terms but, this is in my time. Going to be all couples there, just wonder if it will be more akward saying we aren’t really. I said to him I’m not lying if anyone directly asks because I’d like to meet a mummy friend maybe and they’d obviously find out.

Just wondering your thoughts, whether at the start of the introductions they’ll ask us all about us and it’ll come out anyway, haven’t been to one before.

Can you just introduce him as your baby’s father and say no more?

No. That’s ridiculous. You’re not a couple. This isn’t a TV show.

Beware of his intentions OP. He seems to want more than you do. Don’t be pressured into that when you’re being drenched with hormones.

As for introductions you just say “I’m jane and this is Michael. I’m X weeks pregnant.”

Just go with the “this is x, baby’s father” and offer nothing further than that. But I think you’re right not to lie if asked outright, but you don’t need to give a full history of your relationship.

A lot of people gain friends at these classes, so if you pretend to be a couple now you may have to fake a break up in the not too distant future!

Beware of his intentions OP - It sounds like he intends to be involved with his child's life. Good for him wanting to attend baby classes.

I actually don't think anyone would raise an eyebrow if you introduced yourselves completely openly: "I'm X and this is Y, my baby's father. We're not a couple". Might save having to awkwardly undo any assumptions later!

It sounds like he intends to be involved with his child's life.

And pretending to other people he is in a relationship with OP.

depends if you plan on trying to make friends in the class. However thinking back to the one I went to- just a one day course, no one asks your relationship status, you go with a man- we all just assume.

It sounds like he intends to be involved with his child's life.
And this is a bad thing because...?

"This is X, father of baby". If anyone asks, "no, we're not together". Leave it at that. Specifics of set up are not their business & it's not compulsory to be in a relationship. It's not the 50s.

Oops, missed that there was a bit in bold first!

Why would anyone pretend to be a couple by all means say he’s the father but don’t say he is your partner if you don’t want to be in a relationship with him.

I wonder, do his DM and GM know that you’re not together?

We didn't introduce ourselves like that at the classed I went to. It was very much I'm x this is x, I'm x weeks pregnant. It also wasn't all couples in the classes I went to. There were people who I assumed were with their mum's or friends but nobody ever asked.

No one asked if we were a couple at our baby classes. We went around and introduced ourselves and everyone simply said their first names. I couldn't imagine anyone prying into your relationship status, so it's most likely a non-issue and I wouldn't give it any more headspace.

I think he wants to pretend to avoid any criticism of the fact that he’s not with you any more!

I would say nothing but be honest if asked. Nobody really cares that much but if you lie and then get caught out later it’ll just make you look silly.

Don't care what other people think. They are not important to your life. Their opinions are not important to you life. He is what he is - the father to your baby. You don't need to pretend anything.

Don't pretend, but you may get asked if you start to build a friendship with these people. I got asked because I wasn't wearing my wedding ring.

Seems to me his intention is to be in the child’s life! Why wouldn’t he intend to be in the child’s life? They had sex and a baby was made he know what’s to be a dad to said child, you know that’s how it should be? What an arsehole ay

I would just say “this is x, the baby’s dad” and leave it at that. That was what you’ve said is true and you e still not actually said your a couple and I doubt anyone will ask

I agree that you should just say he's the baby's father, not whether you are in a relationship or not. Have you already been attending? Cos it isn't always the case that only couples attend.

Definitely don't pretend to be a couple when you're not. Your baby's dad may start a new relationship one day soon, and one of your antenatal group members will see him and be upset on your behalf that he's cheating on you, when he isn't.

Lots of people go it alone these days, and take friends along for support.

I wouldn't pretend, no.

Presumably your birth partner couldn't attend with you?

"I think he wants to pretend to avoid any criticism of the fact that he’s not with you any more!"

Why would he be the one facing criticism?

Our NCT group had two parents-to-be who were no longer a couple by the time of the classes (which we did over a weekend), and were on amiable terms. I don't remember anyone taking the slightest notice -- I think they just gave their names initially at the introductions, and as I got to know the woman better over the following weeks, she told me they weren't together without making a big deal of it.

I think I was mostly impressed at how well they were handling the situation, especially given that they had barely known one another when the pregnancy happened.

A friend's NCT group had one woman who was having a baby by herself, who sometimes attended alone or sometimes with the friend who was going to be her birth partner. And several lesbian friends have done NCT in recent years.

It's not all cooking-cutter straight couples. Good luck with the pregnancy, OP.